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zhangwen3059

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[求助] 请英语达人批改作文(考研八股文,)

目前正在准英语模板,自己写了一篇,模仿了不少句式,但不知道自己还有哪些地方
存在毛病,往英语达人,批点,建议。是去年考研的一篇看图作文。

     In spite of ‘endless talk of environment protection’,our world of nature is sill suffering pollutions,As we can see from the picture,while on a exciting tour with her boyfriend,a ‘beautiful’ girl pours a great number of things-such as fish-bones,banana peel and empty beer bottes,together with other junk-into a lake. Without being conscious that she is changing a ‘beautiful’ lake into a ‘dirty’ one,she enjoys herself thoroughly during the especially pleasant journey.
      Many people find such distasteful movements which are harmful to environment we live totally unacceptable. Yet in real life,through scientists in one wave after another try to awaken us to the growing threat of environmental degradation,most of us do little to improve the already overburdened nature resource.Moreover,our society now attaches so much emphasis on economic growth that few attentions are paid to the environment protection . Meanwhile,poor managements are set up for the protection of nature resource.
      The ecological system is ruining,and the development of economic is not far behind . To serve as responsible stewards of the planet,we must press forward on strengthening the average man’s awareness of environment protection.But awareness alone is inadequate,action should be followed. There is no doubt that if we could look after our earth as a baby,a wonderful nature full of fresh air,clean water would be presented in a few years.

[ Last edited by zhangwen3059 on 2011-11-17 at 18:42 ]
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算了,罢了,你以为我是闹剧也好,你以为我是幸福也好,关上门,各自有各自的幸福和眼泪。
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古可ぷ

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表示压力大\(^o^)/~
请专家来吧
非吾小天下,才高而已;非吾纵古今,时赋而已;非吾睨九州,宏观而已;三非焉罪?无梦至胜
2楼2011-11-17 19:53:38
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古可ぷ

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请各位专家评一下吧
非吾小天下,才高而已;非吾纵古今,时赋而已;非吾睨九州,宏观而已;三非焉罪?无梦至胜
3楼2011-11-17 19:55:17
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mjlyxm

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ailing2023(金币+1): 感谢应助\(^o^)/~ 2011-11-17 21:36:46
zhangwen3059(金币+1): 我想把3)中movemens改成behaviors,是否会好点? 2011-11-18 18:00:30
1)首先,瓶子是bottle不是botte
2)a ‘beautiful’ girl pours a great number of things-such as fish-bones,banana peel and empty beer bottes,together with other junk-into a lake我觉得可以改为a ‘beautiful’ girl is pouring a great deal of rubbish into a lake,such as fish-bones,banana peel,empty beer bottles and so on.
3)Many people find such distasteful movements which are harmful to the environment we live in totally is unacceptable.
此号弃用
4楼2011-11-17 21:16:47
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aman1987

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听雨&梦梦

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呃,好长啊,我先瞅瞅~~
播下一种境界,收获一种心态,播下一种心态,收获一种性格,播下一种性格,收获一种行为,播下一种行为,收获一种命运。播下一种命运,收获一种结果。
5楼2011-11-17 21:17:01
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梦中的童话

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★ ★ ★ ★ ★
古可ぷ(金币-5): 广告贴,严厉打击,绝不手软,请慎重 2011-11-18 18:22:19
古可ぷ:编辑内容 2011-11-18 18:22
广告贴

[ Last edited by 古可ぷ on 2011-11-18 at 18:22 ]
6楼2011-11-18 13:33:36
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mjlyxm

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引用回帖:
4楼: Originally posted by mjlyxm at 2011-11-17 21:16:47:
1)首先,瓶子是bottle不是botte
2)a ‘beautiful’ girl pours a great number of things-such as fish-bones,banana peel and empty beer bottes,together with other junk-into a lake我觉得可以改为a ‘bea ...

是的,behaviors要好些~~
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7楼2011-11-18 18:17:21
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mjlyxm

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1)Yet in real life后面的是though,不是through吧~~
try改成have always been trying要好些
2)后一句的already还是去掉吧,感觉有点怪,overburdened后面是ed,代表已经是过去的事了,不需要再添加一个already
3)"自然资源"翻译为natural resources
4)环境的保护是environmental protection
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8楼2011-11-18 18:30:56
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mjlyxm

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zhangwen3059(金币+1): 2011-11-20 11:48:49
1)The ecological system is ruining改为is being ruined
2)最后一句的presented改为present
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9楼2011-11-18 18:35:48
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fjtony163

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米米

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zhangwen3059(金币+1): 2011-11-20 11:48:22
拼写错误太多,就暂时不谈了。
最后一段不错,没什么想改的。

Without being conscious that (。。。)改为conscious about that。

Many people find such distasteful movements which are harmful to the environment we live in totally is unacceptable.使用形式宾语,find 后加it is unacceptable that blah blah。。。。

这个不是SCI论文,少用被动语态。 段落层次太差,最好加些关联词。
10楼2011-11-20 09:55:09
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