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zhangwen3059

木虫 (正式写手)

[求助] 请英语达人批改作文(考研八股文,)

目前正在准英语模板,自己写了一篇,模仿了不少句式,但不知道自己还有哪些地方
存在毛病,往英语达人,批点,建议。是去年考研的一篇看图作文。

     In spite of ‘endless talk of environment protection’,our world of nature is sill suffering pollutions,As we can see from the picture,while on a exciting tour with her boyfriend,a ‘beautiful’ girl pours a great number of things-such as fish-bones,banana peel and empty beer bottes,together with other junk-into a lake. Without being conscious that she is changing a ‘beautiful’ lake into a ‘dirty’ one,she enjoys herself thoroughly during the especially pleasant journey.
      Many people find such distasteful movements which are harmful to environment we live totally unacceptable. Yet in real life,through scientists in one wave after another try to awaken us to the growing threat of environmental degradation,most of us do little to improve the already overburdened nature resource.Moreover,our society now attaches so much emphasis on economic growth that few attentions are paid to the environment protection . Meanwhile,poor managements are set up for the protection of nature resource.
      The ecological system is ruining,and the development of economic is not far behind . To serve as responsible stewards of the planet,we must press forward on strengthening the average man’s awareness of environment protection.But awareness alone is inadequate,action should be followed. There is no doubt that if we could look after our earth as a baby,a wonderful nature full of fresh air,clean water would be presented in a few years.

[ Last edited by zhangwen3059 on 2011-11-17 at 18:42 ]
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算了,罢了,你以为我是闹剧也好,你以为我是幸福也好,关上门,各自有各自的幸福和眼泪。
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mjlyxm

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【答案】应助回帖

zhangwen3059(金币+1): 2011-11-20 11:48:49
1)The ecological system is ruining改为is being ruined
2)最后一句的presented改为present
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9楼2011-11-18 18:35:48
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古可ぷ

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表示压力大\(^o^)/~
请专家来吧
非吾小天下,才高而已;非吾纵古今,时赋而已;非吾睨九州,宏观而已;三非焉罪?无梦至胜
2楼2011-11-17 19:53:38
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古可ぷ

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请各位专家评一下吧
非吾小天下,才高而已;非吾纵古今,时赋而已;非吾睨九州,宏观而已;三非焉罪?无梦至胜
3楼2011-11-17 19:55:17
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mjlyxm

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ailing2023(金币+1): 感谢应助\(^o^)/~ 2011-11-17 21:36:46
zhangwen3059(金币+1): 我想把3)中movemens改成behaviors,是否会好点? 2011-11-18 18:00:30
1)首先,瓶子是bottle不是botte
2)a ‘beautiful’ girl pours a great number of things-such as fish-bones,banana peel and empty beer bottes,together with other junk-into a lake我觉得可以改为a ‘beautiful’ girl is pouring a great deal of rubbish into a lake,such as fish-bones,banana peel,empty beer bottles and so on.
3)Many people find such distasteful movements which are harmful to the environment we live in totally is unacceptable.
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4楼2011-11-17 21:16:47
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