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8569636.hi

木虫 (正式写手)

[交流] 请问这句话有语病吗?

请问这句话有语病吗?
Based on above three considerations, Figures 6 and 7 show size-dependent point depression versus reciprocal particle diameter for Al and Bi nanoparticles in comparison to available experimental results, respectively.
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cfk580713

至尊木虫 (著名写手)


发芽土豆(金币+1):谢谢参与 2010-07-10 13:38:05
8569636.hi(金币+1, 翻译EPI+1):谢谢! 2010-07-11 08:02:22
不知道具体的语境哈 这样写不知道是否改变了原意
Based on the three considerations mentioned above, experimental results shown in Figures 6 and 7 reveal size-dependent point depression versus reciprocal particle diameter for Al and Bi nanoparticles, respectively.
2楼2010-07-10 11:21:44
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zerohead

禁虫 (职业作家)


发芽土豆(金币+1):谢谢参与 2010-07-10 13:38:12
8569636.hi(金币+2):谢谢! 2010-07-11 08:02:54
well, you may have a few points to say, but that's not good to make such a long sentence, especially the arrangement is not appropriate. besides, your meaning is not clear, "based on some considersation" then you need to "compare with some experimental results", which one is the major consideration? so I would suggest you to make it into some simple sentences first, then combine them if you feel necessarily.
3楼2010-07-10 12:40:17
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zerohead

禁虫 (职业作家)

thanks

[ Last edited by zerohead on 2010-7-13 at 01:01 ]
4楼2010-07-11 01:46:44
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8569636.hi

木虫 (正式写手)

引用回帖:
Originally posted by cfk580713 at 2010-07-10 11:21:44:
不知道具体的语境哈 这样写不知道是否改变了原意
Based on the three considerations mentioned above, experimental results shown in Figures 6 and 7 reveal size-dependent point depression versus recipro ...

语境是这样的:
To investigate effect of the bulk experimental values on the melting point depression, we take into account three factors that affect the melting point of nanostructured materials according to Eqs. (2) - (10):
(a) neglecting the temperature dependence of surface free energy alone, i.e. assuming constant surface free energy as most researchers do;
(b) neglecting the temperature dependence of molar volume alone;
(c) assuming equal molar volume for solid and liquid as Kim et al. do.
    Based on above three considerations, Figures 6 and 7 show.....
请问我这样表述可以吗?
5楼2010-07-11 08:05:27
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8569636.hi

木虫 (正式写手)

引用回帖:
Originally posted by zerohead at 2010-07-11 01:46:44:
why don't you post short sentences?

我的原意是这样的:
To investigate effect of the bulk experimental values on the melting point depression, we take into account three factors that affect the melting point of nanostructured materials according to Eqs. (2) - (10):
(a) neglecting the temperature dependence of surface free energy alone, i.e. assuming constant surface free energy as most researchers do;
(b) neglecting the temperature dependence of molar volume alone;
(c) assuming equal molar volume for solid and liquid as Kim et al. do.
    Based on above three considerations, Figures 6 and 7 show......
请问上面的表述有问题吗?象大多数人一样,“as most researchers do”,可以这样翻译吗?
6楼2010-07-11 08:12:29
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noleg

金虫 (小有名气)


发芽土豆(金币+1):谢谢参与 2010-07-11 10:09:00
8569636.hi(金币+5): 2010-07-16 10:35:58
引用回帖:
Originally posted by 8569636.hi at 2010-07-11 08:12:29:

我的原意是这样的:
To investigate effect of the bulk experimental values on the melting point depression, we take into account three factors that affect the melting point of nanostructured mater ...

你是太“忠于”中文原意了,我看把分句“Based on...”直接去掉不就完了吗?是摘要吧?先说了三点假设/考虑,再直接说实验结果,这不挺好的吗?
至于你那没把握的“as most researchers do”,我建议还是当它是鸡肋——扔了!不影响你的真实意思的表达嘛,是不是?何苦再纠结呢?
7楼2010-07-11 09:59:41
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