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welldone7158金虫 (正式写手)
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[求助]
请教，大家感觉这篇作文，多少分？
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I think museums refer to the place where we can study and learn local culture and history. Today our cultural identify is heavily influenced by globalization. As far as I concerned, the most important target of museums is attracting more local inhabitants. Free tickets’ advantages outweigh disadvantages. Personally, I think that cultural identify should be preserved to some extent. Free admission for local history or art museums is a necessary method to attract more people. For instance, western cultures are popular in China, especially in students. However, few of them interest in traditional culture such as calligraphy which represents our particular art. Consequently, they are more likely to participate in a western singer’s performance rather than visit a local museum. Furthermore, the museums are freely opened to local individuals since individual pays tax. It is general believe that the original function of museums is to serve the public and provide places for people to relax and learn. Charging is opposite the authorities’ function of public service and disturbs our wellbeing society. In spite of that, free admission of all museums costs a great deal of money to the government, since there are a lot of demands on tax revenue. By that I mean the government prefers to fund researches rather than give free tickets for the sake of social development. In my opinion, culture possesses similar importance as modern technology in terms of society developing. Those people who are against this opinion fail to realize the significance of cultural value. As a result, free admission of museums dramatically benefits local residents and society alike and must be made available. |
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huangwg08
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【答案】应助回帖
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welldone7158: 金币+5, ★★★★★最佳答案, 太感谢了 2012-08-30 18:51:02
welldone7158: 金币+5, ★★★★★最佳答案, 太感谢了 2012-08-30 18:51:02
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我不知道文章的题目是什么，不知道是G的作文还是T or I的作文，英文不同考试的作文文风会有一定差异。例外老外一般会要求Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer"但是本文的example明显develop的不够，主题有些涣散，结构不是太清楚，可以在这方面做些提高。 下面是我的一点修改意见，仅供参考，不当之处还请海涵！ 祝你成功！ I think museums refer to the place where we can study and learn local culture and history. Today our cultural identify is heavily influenced by globalization. As far as I (am) concerned, the most important target of museums is attracting more local inhabitants. Free tickets’ advantages outweigh (its) disadvantages. Personally, I think that cultural identify should be preserved to some extent. Free admission for local history or art museums is a necessary method to attract more people. For instance, western cultures are popular in China, especially in students. However, few of them interest in traditional culture such as calligraphy which represents our particular art. Consequently, they are more likely to participate in a western singer’s performance rather than visit a local museum. (这段的大体意思应该是Free admission can greatly encourage local habitants to appreciate the traditional culture,你应该把这话话放在段落的首句，使文章结构显得明显。你如果写I think that cultural identify should be preserved to some extent，会让人误以为•••另外，你的例子可以更充分的展开说，你后面的例子基本上是比较武断性的判断，你重点放在说现在的people普遍哈西了，有些偏题，你如果举些history or art museums如何使人增加历史或艺术的素养或知识，会更好一些。) Furthermore, the museums are freely opened to local individuals since individual pays tax（逻辑上说不通，你写成museums should be opened free to the visitors, since it is those people who pay the tax，and museum is built for public interest会略好些）. It is general believe that the original function of museums is to serve the public and provide places for people to relax and learn. Charging is opposite the authorities’ function of public service and disturbs our wellbeing society. In spite of that, free admission of all museums costs a great deal of money to the government, since there are a lot of demands on tax revenue. By that I mean the government prefers to fund researches rather than give free tickets for the sake of social development. (这段话是啥意思？你如果支持museum should be free to public的话，应该说，admittedly, building and maintaining the museum would cost government a great deal of money, but this is worth to be done since it can greatly boost the general welfare.而且你的文章如果采用这种结构的话，建议把“Admittedly承然”放在手段，然后是“However但是”，“What is more而且”•••这样逻辑显得很好看) In my opinion, culture possesses similar importance as modern technology in terms of society developing. Those people who are against this opinion fail to realize the significance of cultural value. As a result, free admission of museums dramatically benefits local residents and society alike and must be made available. |
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welldone71582楼2012-08-30 16:22:00
welldone7158
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3楼2012-08-30 18:57:39
huangwg08
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4楼2012-08-30 21:46:53