24小时热门版块排行榜    

查看: 2201  |  回复: 10

a05376013

铜虫 (小有名气)


[交流] 托福生死大战在即,作文急需提高,独立一篇,真心恳请各路高手给予点评。

As population increasing, more and more habitats of animals are cultivated for crops or exploited to set up buildings. Arguing for saving land for animals are those who hold the opinion that maintaining diversity of species in nature is beneficial for integral ecosystem. I definitely agree with the standpoint and will examine below several special reasons for it according to which I believe are the most common viewpoints nowadays.

To start with, excessive exploitation of land for human need will generate a series of environmental problems. For instance, area covered by forest is being replaced by buildings along with enlargement of the city. As a result, tens of thousands of people die from lung cancer because air quality declines a lot in large cities such as Beijing and Shanghai due to lacking of ample vegetation for purifying atmosphere contaminated by human activities, industrial production and automobile exhaust being dominating pollution sources. However, the fact is that problem like this not just exists in single city but dose in most cities around China.

Another crucial reason is that numerous animals lose their habitats used for cultivation and migrate to other areas resulting that extinction of some species breaks ecological balance in certain area. For example, in my hometown, many lands are raised commercial crops such as corns, wheat and rice for promoting local economical development. However, people don't acquire expected harvest since there are grievous injuries to crops because of plentiful pests without their predator such as birds. In addition, farm chemicals are noxious and endanger animal surviving which is another essential aspect of disappearance of species.

Admittedly, I cannot overlook the fact that the more population there are, the more land people need. Increasing consumption of energy everyday demands more power plants for electricity, more factories for oil and coal, and more farms for grains .etc. However, social development should not be at the expense of destroying nature which, in the long term, also has negative influence on human beings. I consider the problem is able to be resolved by improving efficiency of usage of energy and increasing grain yield.

In a nutshell, environmental protection should be put in the first place all the time while people utilize land for extending cities and farms. Living in harmonious with nature is the sole way for people for sustainable development. Is there anyone liking to see the dim sky without any birds and muddy rivers with rare fish?
回复此楼
已阅   回复此楼   关注TA 给TA发消息 送TA红花 TA的回帖

yingying1588

木虫之王 (文学泰斗)



a05376013(金币+1):谢谢参与
祝福楼主!
2楼2011-12-28 23:27:51
已阅   回复此楼   关注TA 给TA发消息 送TA红花 TA的回帖

li2008jie

铁杆木虫 (著名写手)



a05376013(金币+1):谢谢参与
水平很高,评不了
3楼2011-12-29 08:53:42
已阅   回复此楼   关注TA 给TA发消息 送TA红花 TA的回帖

a05376013

铜虫 (小有名气)


引用回帖:
: Originally posted by li2008jie at 2011-12-29 08:53:42:
水平很高,评不了

我觉得自己写的不好啊,感觉太中国化了
4楼2011-12-29 09:40:15
已阅   回复此楼   关注TA 给TA发消息 送TA红花 TA的回帖

棉花糖de冬天

新虫 (初入文坛)



a05376013(金币+1):谢谢参与
我也给不了评价。。

给些我觉得还行的资源你吧,

里面有个写作频道,你可以去参考下

http://tieba.baidu.com/club/11256038/p/17763171
5楼2011-12-29 10:38:40
已阅   回复此楼   关注TA 给TA发消息 送TA红花 TA的回帖

辉辉同色

禁虫 (初入文坛)


a05376013(金币+1):谢谢参与
本帖内容被屏蔽

6楼2011-12-29 10:42:37
已阅   回复此楼   关注TA 给TA发消息 送TA红花 TA的回帖

phyweiw

铁杆木虫 (著名写手)



a05376013(金币+1):谢谢参与
就点评第一句吧,As population increases,或者with the increasing population, 或者With the increase in population.

more and more 换成a growing number吧?前者太俗了。
cultivated前加个invaded吧,生动点。
set up buildings换成for the use of human residence.更直接点。

呵呵,吹毛求疵了。
7楼2011-12-29 10:54:32
已阅   回复此楼   关注TA 给TA发消息 送TA红花 TA的回帖

a05376013

铜虫 (小有名气)


引用回帖:
: Originally posted by phyweiw at 2011-12-29 10:54:32:
就点评第一句吧,As population increases,或者with the increasing population, 或者With the increase in population.

more and more 换成a growing number吧?前者太俗了。
cultivated前加个invaded吧,生 ...

点评的太好了,感觉你的水平非常的高了,谢谢啊!
8楼2011-12-29 12:10:09
已阅   回复此楼   关注TA 给TA发消息 送TA红花 TA的回帖

tianzenmele

至尊木虫 (正式写手)



小木虫(金币+0.5):给个红包,谢谢回帖
个人觉得还行。
提个建议吧:自我感觉文章写得有点文绉绉,或是说是故意写得有点复杂。

再就是 注意主题句 及 其与你论述的关系。


随便说的,参考就好。 不对的地方,忽略。
9楼2011-12-29 13:20:14
已阅   回复此楼   关注TA 给TA发消息 送TA红花 TA的回帖

gycgycgyc

新虫 (初入文坛)



小木虫(金币+0.5):给个红包,谢谢回帖
建议精简些,少用被动语态和动名词,例如:
For instance, area covered by forest is being replaced by buildings along with enlargement of the city
可改为
For instance, city enlargement projects replace vast forest lands by civil buildings.
这样看起来清楚些。
同理,从句什么的也建议拆分开来。一句复杂句没有,句型缺少变化扣分不会多,错误语病令人无法理解就麻烦了。

» 本帖已获得的红花(最新10朵)

10楼2012-01-04 14:08:18
已阅   回复此楼   关注TA 给TA发消息 送TA红花 TA的回帖

a05376013

铜虫 (小有名气)


送鲜花一朵
引用回帖:
: Originally posted by gycgycgyc at 2012-01-04 14:08:18:
建议精简些,少用被动语态和动名词,例如:
For instance, area covered by forest is being replaced by buildings along with enlargement of the city
可改为
For instance, city enlargement projects rep ...

非常感谢,分析的很好啊,被动句型确实该少用
11楼2012-01-04 21:53:56
已阅   回复此楼   关注TA 给TA发消息 送TA红花 TA的回帖
相关版块跳转 我要订阅楼主 a05376013 的主题更新
普通表情 高级回复 (可上传附件)
最具人气热帖推荐 [查看全部] 作者 回/看 最后发表
[公派出国] 售SCI一区文章,我:8.O.551.O.5.4,科目全,可伽急 +3 PbwVEMK5haaE 2026-08-25 5/250 2026-08-26 05:09 by cNXvBfCpiZOM
[考研] 售SCI一区T0P文章,我:8.O.55.1.O.5.4,科目全,可+急 +3 7K1CJE38xLG4 2026-08-25 4/200 2026-08-26 02:04 by cNXvBfCpiZOM
[基金申请] 在坚冰还盖着北海的时候,我看到了怒放的梅花。 (金币+10) +6 ziyangfang 2026-08-25 9/450 2026-08-25 20:26 by huagongfeihu
[基金申请] 明天应该可查了!? +6 chengyan1220 2026-08-23 6/300 2026-08-25 19:45 by zfd97
[基金申请] 有没有大神帮我看看基金代码 28+4 1234567wang 2026-08-24 10/500 2026-08-25 19:15 by lfy8008
[基金申请] 某些机构,以效率低为荣,以效率低作为存在感 +9 yuleib84 2026-08-25 10/500 2026-08-25 17:14 by alexon
[基金申请] 2026国自然函评费到账 +20 羊腰板 2026-08-21 23/1150 2026-08-25 16:34 by zsna
[基金申请] 今日不放榜?网传国自然预计 8 月 27 日可查结果 +17 医学老男孩 2026-08-20 22/1100 2026-08-25 15:36 by 医学老男孩
[基金申请] 如果此刻你正在为国基感到焦虑,不妨来听听这首《基金之外》 +8 scalable 2026-08-24 8/400 2026-08-25 12:52 by jnhyjjm
[基金申请] 没有任何消息-是不是就凉了 +9 图啦图啦 2026-08-24 10/500 2026-08-25 11:59 by 南海小哥
[教师之家] 导师吐槽:我怎么摊上了这么个极品研究生! +3 苏东坡二世 2026-08-23 3/150 2026-08-25 10:35 by shisan1313
[基金申请] 2026年的国家社科基金项目通讯评审的新规则与新动向、新挑战 +5 process2012 2026-08-23 7/350 2026-08-25 09:42 by huixian257
[基金申请] 范进中举一文的中心思想 +7 炎黄贵胄 2026-08-22 8/400 2026-08-25 08:48 by ZJTJZ
[基金申请] 让我中一个面上吧! +13 大萍1987 2026-08-20 16/800 2026-08-24 10:23 by 太傻了
[教师之家] 跳槽后在研项目怎么办? +5 简单化xn 2026-08-22 10/500 2026-08-23 12:38 by 简单化xn
[基金申请] 时间戳今天,20号变了 +5 archvillain 2026-08-20 5/250 2026-08-22 06:12 by hui_daxiao
[基金申请] 看来今天不会放榜了? +8 chengyan1220 2026-08-21 11/550 2026-08-21 17:52 by dcqxinyang
[基金申请] 时间戳又变了 +13 wuchongjun 2026-08-20 19/950 2026-08-21 17:21 by 紫杉醇
[基金申请] 应该是下周三26日公布了吧? +4 哈哈蛤? 2026-08-21 4/200 2026-08-21 10:58 by Vivilian
[基金申请] 基金啊基金 +4 longfie172 2026-08-20 4/200 2026-08-21 08:58 by mark mao
信息提示
请填处理意见