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moxiang

铜虫 (初入文坛)


[交流] 陆续贴出自己的考博作文练习,希望大家能讨论,帮助! 十个金币

05年10月中科院A卷作文:

what does work mean to you? it is a just a means to make ends meet, to cover life enpenses?

我的作文: 用时近一个小时,因为是复习考博以来的第一篇作文 所以很艰难! 完事开头难!

what does work mean to you? Two main kings of answers have been offered. One is couched in terms of realism. they argue that it is just a means to make ends meet, to cover life enpenses. The other, in my view correct, type fo answer is that it is a way to realize one's dream and the source of happiness. To me, a college teacher, I teach students knoeledge and gain happiness from them.

第一段,要去接孩子了,后续会上第二段,第三段。
PS   一大把年纪了还要考博,悲催啊!!!
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moxiang

铜虫 (初入文坛)


送鲜花一朵
谢谢楼上的   学到不少 犯了很多显而易见的错误   不动手写作文很多年了  很多单词都拼错了!
5楼2012-12-18 19:45:28
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qfzcom

铁杆木虫 (著名写手)


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小木虫: 金币+0.5, 给个红包,谢谢回帖
moxiang: 金币+1, thankd 2012-12-18 00:55:29
The othertype fo answer , in my view correct, is that it is a way to realize one's dream and the source of happiness.句型用的不错,就是写错了。其他的望在看看。
2楼2012-12-17 17:40:19
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moxiang

铜虫 (初入文坛)


谢谢楼上的,
接着贴 第二段:

when I was a colledge student, my teacher once told me that there were three types of teachers: the first type of teachers who looked teaching just a way to earn money were always ready to give up teaching to earn more; the second type looked teaching not only as  a good salary, but as an enterprise to do; the third  of teachers, however, who looked teaching as well as arts devoted their whole life to teaching.

From then on, I never forgot to be the third type teacher. And I gained not only a good salary, but and more important, happiness and a meaningful life. I was so exciting when my students understood a difficult question or even more solve it by themselves, and I was so happy and wormful when they sent me a card on the Teacher's Day! I tought them knowledge and they gave me happiness and moreover, the meaning of life.
3楼2012-12-18 00:54:59
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rainyearwin

金虫 (正式写手)


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小木虫: 金币+0.5, 给个红包,谢谢回帖
moxiang: 金币+2 2012-12-18 19:54:35
今天下午比较闲,再加上我这个人比较好为人师,点评一下楼主的作文:
第一段我读的不是很懂,我觉得楼主应该用更加流畅的常用的句式,里面有单词应为knowledge,应该为打字手误
第二段:
when I was a colledge(单词错误,college,不过一般用university,前者指学院,后者指综合性大学) student, my teacher once (once我觉得可以去掉,中式英语的痕迹太明显,没必要强调曾经)told me that there were three types of teachers: the first type of teachers who looked(这里为什么要用过去式呢,虽然是老师以前说的话,但是我觉得应该用一般现在时) teaching just (此处少一个as)a way to earn money were always ready to give up teaching to earn more; the second type looked (同上)teaching not only as (a way to get) a good salary, but as an enterprise to do(我觉得用run,后加it更贴切一些,do指做某事,run指经营,运营); the third (type) of teachers(主语) , however,who looked (同上)teaching as well as arts (定语从句修饰teachers)devoted(谓语,我觉得应该用一般现在时) their whole life(应该用复数lives) to teaching.

From then on, I never forgot to be the third type (应该加一个of)teacher. And (句首用and??)I gained not only a good salary, but and (but and???)more important(things), happiness and a meaningful life. I was so exciting(应该为excited,exciting的主语应该为物或者事) when my students understood a difficult question or even more solve(前面understood是过去式,此处也应该为过去式,两个地方应该统一) it by themselves, (这个句子到这里可以点句号了,要么太长了)and I was so happy and wormful(表示看不懂,warmful?温暖的?还是小木虫版温暖的?:D) when they sent me a card on the Teacher's Day! I tought(应该为taught,tought为过去分词) them knowledge and they gave me happiness and moreover, the meaning of life.
不好意思,把楼主的作文批的体无完肤,欢迎大家拍砖~
4楼2012-12-18 15:31:26
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