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WHQ197

木虫 (正式写手)

[求助] 帮忙校对小1段摘要

为了提高海虾的干燥质量,利用高压电场和真空冷冻对海参进行了2种不同时段的联合干燥试验,即海虾分别先进行3小时和5小时的高压电场干燥,然后再进行真空冷冻干燥,研究结果表明,较之单纯节真空冷冻干燥,联合干燥节能效果非常明显。

In order to improve the drying qualities of shrimps, two different combined drying process of high voltage electric field and vacuum freeze drying were studied, namely, Shrimps were dried by high voltage electric field for 3h and 5h, then, were dried by vacuum freeze drying.The results show that, the two combined process take less drying time and has lower energy consumption than vacuum freeze drying.
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wubencui

银虫 (小有名气)

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Carena: 金币+1, 感谢应助 2012-12-06 08:27:32
我用手机不大方便,我觉得两个地方的不大合适,一个是不同时段的干燥实验,一个是更节能,不同时段我觉得应该是不同方法过程,而节能不具体,还有省时,具体你再组织一下!

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最不怕的就是挑战
2楼2012-12-06 00:20:56
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wubencui

银虫 (小有名气)

【答案】应助回帖

我用手机不大方便,我觉得两个地方的不大合适,一个是不同时段的干燥实验,一个是更节能,不同时段我觉得应该是不同方法过程,而节能不具体,还有省时,具体你再组织一下!

[ 发自手机版 https://muchong.com/3g ]
最不怕的就是挑战
3楼2012-12-06 00:21:15
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wubencui

银虫 (小有名气)

【答案】应助回帖

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
WHQ197: 金币+8 2012-12-06 21:27:43
另外前边翻译的与后边逻辑上不是很对称,你如果还不懂可以再问我…多想想,最近我翻译的论文较多,望采纳

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最不怕的就是挑战
4楼2012-12-06 00:25:42
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phu_grassman

荣誉版主 (知名作家)

快乐岛、布吉岛岛主

优秀版主

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WHQ197: 金币+6 2012-12-06 21:26:26
In order to improve the drying quality of shrimps, a high voltage electric field together with vacuum freezing were used alternatively in the drying process of shrimps. That is, shrimps were first dried under a high voltage electric field for 3 h and 5 h respectively, and then were dried by vacuum freeze drying. Our results show that it takes less time on drying and has lower energy consumption for the combined drying process than the conventional vacuum freeze drying process.
5楼2012-12-06 10:48:59
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220chengeng

木虫 (小有名气)

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★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
WHQ197: 金币+20, 翻译EPI+1, ★★★很有帮助 2012-12-06 21:26:02
我基本上重新改写了,有些地方不能说你翻译错了,只是我觉得还不够简单明了,希望对你有所帮助。

为了提高海虾的干燥质量,利用高压电场和真空冷冻对海参进行了2种不同时段的联合干燥试验,即海虾分别先进行3小时和5小时的高压电场干燥,然后再进行真空冷冻干燥,研究结果表明,较之单纯节真空冷冻干燥,联合干燥节能效果非常明显。
In order to improve the drying quality of shrimps, we tested the shrimps by using two combined drying methods in two periods, i.e., the methods of high voltage electric field and vacuum freezing. The shrimps were first dried in a high voltage electric field for 3h and 5h, respectively, before they were dried in the vacuum freezing condition. The results show that the combined drying methods, compared with the single drying method of vacuum freezing, can save time and energy by a large margin.
1.        首先楼主的in order to的逻辑主语跟主语的主语不太一致,虽然在科技论文写作中这一点有时候可以容忍,但是国外的论文中还是比较注意的。所以我换成了we,在摘要写作中也很普遍。
2.        第一句的主语头太重了,换成主动结构后,不但可以解决语法问题,也可以理顺句子结构。
3.        Namely只是一个副词,而后面跟的是一个很长的句子,连介词都不能带动一个句子,namely作为一个副词,后面绝大多数情况下只能够跟名词结构,照您的写法语法上是有问题的,除非namely有连词的功能。
4.        “然后”这个词,你不必非得用then,连续两个“were dried”读的有点拗口,直接用before就可以顺利的解决这个问题,句子结构也很简单明了。
5.        最后一句看您又用less又用more,本人感觉太辛苦了,可以用一个通用的介词结构解决这个问题,而且这种惯用法在论文里面出现的话可能还会小有增色了。

[ Last edited by 220chengeng on 2012-12-6 at 11:01 ]
6楼2012-12-06 10:59:33
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kkndhxe

新虫 (初入文坛)

【答案】应助回帖

欢迎指正:
Two multi-step drying processes have been tested to improve drying quality of shimps. The results showed that short time (3h or 5h) pretreatment of shrimp in high voltage electric field can achieve better drying quality as well as consume less time and energy than traditional lyphilization method.
short life
7楼2012-12-06 11:57:45
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kkndhxe

新虫 (初入文坛)

【答案】应助回帖

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WHQ197: 金币+6 2012-12-06 21:27:31
引用回帖:
7楼: Originally posted by kkndhxe at 2012-12-06 11:57:45
欢迎指正:
Two multi-step drying processes have been tested to improve drying quality of shimps. The results showed that short time (3h or 5h) pretreatment of shrimp in high voltage electric field c ...

再改
Two multi-step drying processes have been tested to improve drying quality of shimps. The results showed that short time (3h or 5h) pretreatment of shrimp in high voltage electric field consumed less time and energy to achieve better drying quality  than traditional lyphilization method.
short life
8楼2012-12-06 12:02:13
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