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welldone7158

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[求助] 求教，这篇雅思作文大家估计多少分？

题目：With the increasing use of mobile phone and computer, the number of people who write letter has decreased. As a result, letter-writing will disappear soon. Do u agree or disagree? How do you think letter-writing is important？

文章
Although mobile phone and computer have been introduced to households for decades, people still have mixed views on that. As far as I concerned, letter as a traditional communication method will be maintained rather than replaced by telecommunicating.

This is partly because that traditional hand writing-Calligraphy plays a vital role in Chinese culture. Most parents encouraged their children to participate in a Calligraphy training course when I was a student, even a science teacher highlight the importance of good hand writing. In addition, many Chinese people tend to regard good hand writing as a high social status. In extreme cases, a student with inferior hand-writing would be seriously criticized by parents. It is obvious that Calligraphy training usually combined with letter writing training.

Further, although emails or messages boost the working efficiency, they do not have the value in terms of memories. For instance, I preserved all my letters well in my room regardless of when I received and letters dramatically promote friendship. What is more that language skills in letter-writing also is used in emails especially in official emails. By that I mean language skills of letter-writing cannot disappear since it is useful and helpful in modern communications in essence.

In spite of that, it is an inescapable fact that the rate of letters we write and the amount of letters are significantly declined due to the high tempo of modern lifestyle. And the amount of letters unfortunately would be constantly decreasing according to current trend.

Overall, although we greatly benefit from computer and mobile phone, I still take the view that letters would not truly disappear in the future as letters consist of important part in culture and community

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挨完打还不服。。。继续被打。。。

1楼2012-11-25 20:07:10

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fengchi

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welldone7158: 金币+5, OK，跟你和楼下金币分一下 2012-11-26 08:20:52
benovence: 金币+1, 谢谢参与 2012-11-26 09:07:42

个人感觉 6-7分吧
第二三段的论证不是那么有说服力比如第二段说中国怎么怎么样那其他国家呢？第三段也有一个漏洞：你可以保存信件当然也可以保存email啊！当然雅思的作文也不是那么苛刻自己言之有物自圆其说就行
另外文章整体的语言不够出彩模板味道稍重前后衔接似乎也可以做得更好
个人意见楼主勿怪

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中兴业须人杰

2楼2012-11-25 22:02:53

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crazyvolcano

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welldone7158: 金币+5, 嗯嗯 2012-11-26 08:21:05
benovence: 金币+1, 谢谢参与 2012-11-26 09:07:52

感觉在5左右，首先开头段模板的味道比较重。第二段犯了个致命弱点，就是只论证了Chinese hand-writing，而文章的主题里面说的是泛指的hand-writing。这里的论证就显得太单薄了，除了Chinese hand-writing之外，难道其他的hand-writing就没有意义了吗？第三段的论证举了自己的实例，这是托福式的写法，不符合雅思写作的规范。还有就是句式比较单调，单词用得过于简单，基本没有加分词汇。还有就是逻辑上不是很紧密。

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3楼2012-11-26 00:00:25

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