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小木虫论坛-学术科研互动平台 » 科研生活区 » English Cafe » Error- lin » who could help me check this paragraph out.
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89333627

金虫 (小有名气)

[交流] who could help me check this paragraph out.

I have writen a cover letter for searching a job. the next paragraph is the middle part of the cover letter.  I would appreciate it very much if someone could help me to check it out.
  
          My experience and enthusiasm makes me an excellent candidate for the position you are seeking to fill. My 5 years experiences in our institute allowed me to develop several professional skills, such as composites molding technology, 3D weaving technology and mechanical property testing. And I skilled in using the software of ANSYS, CATIA, LabVIEW, AutoCAD, ect. I also have the knowledge of automatic control, for I have made an automatic molding machine used to produce composite z-pins. The machine has been applied for a patent. In addition, I have leaded other 4 students to participate the 3rd SAMPE China super lightweight composite wing contest sponsored by Boeing Co.. We achieved very good results in each of the item in the contest. We got the 1st prize for the appearance quality, the 2nd for the mechanical property and 1st for the poster.
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1楼 2012-08-30 15:31:19
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rchiuctw

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lysrandy: 金币+5, thanks for your help,and i think it should be cherished....you did a good job. 2012-08-30 16:37:17
89333627: 金币+10 2012-08-30 21:42:10
Here is my suggestion:-

          My experience and enthusiasm makes me the appropriate candidate for the captioned position. My five years experiences in our institute allowed me to develop several professional skills, namely the composite molding technology, 3D weaving technology and mechanical property testing. And I am well trained in using the software of ANSYS, CATIA, LabVIEW and AutoCAD etc., I also have key knowledge in area of automatic control system, for I have done research of an automatic molding machine for production of composite z-pins. That machine has been listed for patent application. In addition, I have been the team leader of other 4 students to participate the 3rd SAMPE China super lightweight composite wing contest that sponsored by Boeing Company and we achieved very good result in each of the items in the contest. We won the 1st prize for the appearance quality, 1st for the poster and the 2nd for the mechanical property.
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7楼2012-08-30 16:02:52
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匿名

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89333627: 金币+1 2012-08-30 21:40:56
本帖仅楼主可见
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4楼2012-08-30 15:33:54
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匿名

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5楼2012-08-30 15:36:22
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seagrove

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89333627: 金币+1 2012-08-30 21:41:39
I think you are great，
and I can't find any mistake because of my poor Englishsorry
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6楼2012-08-30 15:39:17
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zhangwei19

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89333627: 金币+1 2012-08-30 21:41:16
I think it will be better if you can reduce the same subjuct
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8楼2012-08-30 16:32:16
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Mary0505

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89333627: 金币+1 2012-08-30 21:41:31
I think your describe is very good, wish someone can help you!
Good luck!
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9楼2012-08-30 17:14:23
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cutesophia

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89333627: 金币+1 2012-08-30 21:41:27
fungixx: only English,please 2012-09-09 17:00:37
祝福楼主
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10楼2012-08-30 17:41:14
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89333627

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Thank you for all of you.
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11楼2012-08-30 21:39:48
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mason802

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fungixx: only English is allowed here 2012-09-09 17:01:15
哇，楼主是哪个学校的，我们方向很近呐，楼主好强
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12楼2012-08-30 22:11:37
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331440209

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89333627: 金币+3 2012-09-09 14:46:48
1：My experience and enthusiasm makes me →My experience and enthusiasm make me
2：My 5 years experiences →My 5 years‘ experience
3：And I skilled in →And I am skilled in :
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13楼2012-08-30 23:22:44
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jy的秋

金虫 (正式写手)
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89333627: 金币+1 2012-09-09 14:47:28
The following is my opinion.
   My experience and enthusiasm makes me an excellent candidate for the vacant position.My five -year experiences in our institute allowed me to develop several professional skills, such as composites molding technology, 3D weaving technology and mechanical property testing.
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14楼2012-09-09 11:58:32
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jy的秋

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89333627: 金币+1 2012-09-09 14:47:24
引用回帖:
11楼: Originally posted by 89333627 at 2012-08-30 21:39:48
Thank you for all of you.

Thank you all.
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15楼2012-09-09 11:59:34
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简单回复
哈哈蒋金舒2楼
2012-08-30 15:32   回复  
小木虫: 沙发+1，金币+0.5, 恭喜抢个沙发，再给个红包
哈哈蒋金舒3楼
2012-08-30 15:32   回复  
小木虫: 金币+0.2, 抢了个小板凳，给个红包
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