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铁虫 (正式写手)

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[交流] 【Pure water】please help me to revise my motivation letter~please

I was required to write a motivation letter in order to get a position abroad.
But my english is poor,especially grammar.
anyone who is a english master-hand please help me
thanks a lot!

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1楼 2011-03-07 12:30:54

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引用回帖:

Originally posted by witch_girl at 2011-03-07 23:12:34:
maybe i made some mistakes too, and there are still some mistakes in your application.

good night~

of course there're mistakes here,that's why I want someone else to check it.

please check my revised work again for me if you had time

Dear prof.

I’m a first year MSc student in department life science at the .....University,China.I would like to submit my candidature for the PhD position in Research groups Immunology division,department Infectious Diseases and Immunology, faculty Veterinary Medicine,..... University. With a Bachelor’s in agronomy and an MSc in biophysics, I expect that the PhD position will contribute enormously to my future reserach plans. I also believe that I would be a valuable addition to your department.

Before specializing in immunology, I spent 4 years of my studies on various aspects of biology in undergraduate period, including general biology, botany, plant physiology microbiology, developmental biology and so on. In the third year, I fully engaged myself into a China-Australia cooperated project about bioenergy. I learned lots of experimental skills and more importantly,how to optimize the experiment process and estimate the feasibilities contained  in an idea,how to find possibilities of ture value in certain research area and in multidisciplinaries as well.

My current academic focus is specialized in DNA vaccine.The most practical experiences of mine are flow cytometry and EILSA.
Important experiment skills are,more important is the way to think both scientifically and imaginatively.
I want to express that,experiment skills are important and the way to think both scientifically and imaginatively is more important,using a inverted sentence(倒装句) here，and I do not kown if it is right.
I met with prof.Oei Hok Liang,who is my introducer.Not far ago,he brought my fellows and me lots of developed and novel research highlights,which inspired us and widened our horizons,I am thankful to get his appreciation!

I realized the importance of science reaserch when participated in the project of bioenergy during undergraduate period.
Not only of great interesting to do reaserch work,but also brings me the pleasant of to be creative.
I want to use the inverted sentence just as above, to express the maen that to do reaserch work is interesting and when you find you're more creative than before, you'll be pleasant.
Then I determined to take up reaserch works to fulfill my future career.When I was in my first year of postgraduate period,I stepped into the world of immunology.Kowning it is one of the hottest research ares in world and the delicate mechanism [/u](I want to describe the 作用机制  of immune system is very 精妙，actually I could not think of any other words to express the mean of 精妙的 instead of delicate )of immune system,I decided to further my education on this subject.
My previous experience has taught me to coordinate my efforts with other highly motivated individuals and to undertake tasks independently.Personal characteristics of perseverance and diligence will sustain me in the the PhD program.So I am confident that this background and abilities would serve me well in your department. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my qualifications and the PhD position in more detail.

[ Last edited by 轻轻轻轻轻 on 2011-3-8 at 22:45 ]

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31楼2011-03-08 22:15:27

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铁虫 (正式写手)

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Dear prof. Willem van Eden

I’m a first year MSc student in department life science at the ......University,China.I would like to submit my candidature for the PhD position in Research groups Immunology division,department Infectious Diseases and Immunology, faculty Veterinary Medicine,.......University. With a Bachelor’s in agronomy and an MSc in biophysics, I expect that the PhD position will contribute enormously to my future reserach plans. I also believe that I would be a valuable addition to your department.
Before specializing in immunology,I spent 4 years of my undergraduate studies on various aspects of biology, including general biology, botany, plant physiology microbiology, developmental biology and so on. In the third year, I fully engaged myself into a China-Australia cooperated project about bioenergy. I learned lots of experiment skills and more importantly,how to find possibilities of ture value in certain research area and in multidisciplinaries as well, optimizing the experiment process,and estimating the feasibilities contained in an idea.
My current academic focus is specialized in DNA vaccine.The very best practical experience of me includes flow cytometry and EILSA.Important experiment skills are,more important is the way to think both scientifically and imaginatively.I met with prof.Oei Hok Liang,who is my introducer, not far ago,he brought my fellows and me lots of developed and novel research highlights,which inspire us and widen our horizons,I am thankful to got his appreciation!
I realized the importance of science reaserch for me when I participated in a project of bioenergy in undergraduate period.Not only of great interesting to do reaserch work,but also bring me the pleasant of creation.Then I determined to undertake reaserch works to fulfill my future career.Then when I was in my first year of undergraduate period,I got to the world of immunology.Kowning it is one of the most research interests in world and the delicate mechanism of immune system,I decided to further my education on this subject.
Personal characteristics of perseverance and diligence will sustain me in the the PhD program.My previous experience has taught me to coordinate my efforts with other highly motivated individuals. I am confident that this background and abilities would serve me well on your departmentyou’re your group. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my qualifications and the PhD position in more detail.

Yours Sincerely,

Thanks in advance

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2楼2011-03-07 12:32:29

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