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小木虫论坛-学术科研互动平台 » 科研生活区 » English Cafe » Diary » Toefl on Writing
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菜鸟2012

银虫 (小有名气)

[交流] Toefl on Writing

At night, I tried to write my first writing about Toefl Practice Online,  the time of test was limited within 30minutes, while I took about 40minutes.  However, practice makes perfect. I believe I would be fluent in writing next several monthes. Come on!
Plus my writing: dependence living or live with familiesCould You Help Me Find Any Incorrect?)

In order to see their parents at home, many young children choose to live with their families for a longer time. In my opinion, I am superior to live alone as soon as possible. Because it brings multiple benefits.

Firstly, living alone helps children enrich their life and solve difficulties on my own.  The following are my personal experiences. When apart from their parents, I have to learn how to do everthing in life. Because I used to be very spoiled sometimes, and everyone always gives you the best thing that you most desire to. However, once living alone, I have to gain these things now from myself. For example,  very often some parents in China help their kids ,who are too spoiled to do anything, wash clothes, but facing the life that separates from parents,  children would try to wash their own uniform school clothes and receive sevice from themselve. Therefore, independence for living really enriches our life.

Secondly, living alone play a significant role on personal behaviors. It can deal with the relationships between parents and children. For instance, loudly musics and games, while generally considered annoying for many parents at home,  are enjoyable for many young children. they can listen to a rock music, even the beautful melody of Mazart,  or watch a football game for supporting their favorite team. if  they want, everything they like can do.  Besides,  casual time for a study plan at apartment  depends on themselve, which makes children more freedom. You can imagine that would be a wonderful thing for a fashion boy.

Admittedly, independence has some disbenefits, for one thing, parents are more easily to worry about their children. For another thing, it creats homesickness for children. However, as long as children can go home regularly, these problems can be solved.

In conclusion, I prefer to live alone as soon as possible rather than live with their families for a longer time.
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1楼2013-10-10 23:23:33
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00waterh

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curton: 金币+8, Thank you for your advice. what you said is right. And your encouragement is inspiring for me, I will be on the right track. 2014-02-23 13:32:44
curton: 回帖置顶 2014-02-23 13:32:46
below are some of my opinion, just for reference.
seems there is uneasy to understand the title :dependence living or live with families.maybe there is something wrong with this title.is it" independent living or living with families" ? i don't know.

then the first paragraph. first,logically, to be with parents is one of the reasons that child wants to live with their parents. second, the sentence"in order to see their parents at home " maybe not good to express your meaning. maybe you can say "in order to be with their parents". okay, maybe there are some other mistakes. i think you can find them by reading it.

i think the structure is good. and i believe you will write a excellent article little by little.so write your article here, let us see your progress.
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4楼2013-10-11 09:19:21
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Lopemann

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00waterh: 回帖置顶 2013-10-28 19:11:23
00waterh: 金币+30, ESEPI+1, your writing is great, and thank you for you revise the essay~EC need you 2013-10-28 19:20:01
20 mins for me to finish this essay.

Actually it's easier for people to get high marks in TOEFL writing than that in IELTS counterpart.

You need to work on grammar first, because error-free sentences are necessary in whatever type of English writing. You don't have to FLOW (it takes really long time for people to reach this level) in your writing, which means you are not to be overloaded by native English training.
  
Below is my essay. Hope it helps.

Opinion is divided when it comes to the issue whether young people should split from their family early or not. It is common nowadays for quite a few young people to stay with parents for a fairly long period. However, I would say living with parents, to some extent, is a habit-forming behavior and does not prepare young people for the future well. Therefore, I prefer the view that young people should be able to lead an independent life as soon as possible.

It is true that when people are alone by themselves, there could be some discomfort at the beginning. The sense of isolation and loneliness is real when people just split from the family and have to face challenges all by themselves.  By just living one’s life, sadness always accumulates here and there, be it in sheets hung out in the sun to dry, the toothbrushes in the bathroom, and the history logs of the mobile phone. Some people even get depression when they first go through all these.

Nevertheless, advantages of being independent still outweigh that of being dependent on family, as far as I can see.

The direct impact on young people of living alone is that they will be having more chances to address problems themselves and thus develop a good problem-solving ability. In sharp contrast, the young living with parents do not have to bother making any decisions because there will always be some experienced people in place any time to decide everything. With time, young people will gradually be used to waiting others to make decisions and passively following, which will potentially put their future in jeopardy.

Living alone additionally provides young people with good opportunities to support their habits well. Sometime parents will do whatever they think necessary to prevent young people developing habits they do not accept, and when faced with issues like this, young people do not always even have a bargaining power to negotiate a fair deal. Their potentials are more likely to be recognized when they have enough space for doing what they really feel like doing. Therefore, living alone might bring young people some unexpected development.

To conclude, living alone at a comparatively early stage, compared with living with family all the time, benefits young people better.

[ Last edited by Lopemann on 2013-10-28 at 21:30 ]
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6楼2013-10-28 17:55:36
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2楼2013-10-10 23:27:38
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ustcmm
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3楼2013-10-10 23:28:29
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菜鸟2012

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引用回帖:
4楼: Originally posted by 00waterh at 2013-10-11 09:19:21
below are some of my opinion, just for reference.
seems there is uneasy to understand the title :dependence living or live with families.maybe there is something wrong with this title.is it" in ...

Thank you for your advice. what you said is  right. And your encouragement is inspiring for me,  I will be on the right track.
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5楼2013-10-11 19:24:03
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tuqin2575

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00waterh: 金币+3, As an old saying goes, depend on the parents at home, when leaving out, turn to your friends. 2013-10-28 19:43:23
引用回帖:
6楼: Originally posted by Lopemann at 2013-10-28 17:55:36
20 mins for me to finish this essay.

Actually it's easier for people to get high marks in TOEFL writing than that in IELTS counterpart.

You need to work on grammar first, because error-free s ...

The essay is perfect. In addition, I think one benefit from keeping an independent life from the pareents is that we can make more friends and develop our social relations as soon. With these friends in different circles we can share some interests and opinions as well as doing something crazy. Further, we can help each other and learn from each other. As an old saying goes, depend on the parents at home, when leaving out, turn to your friends.
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Befreeinyourway,justliketheshinninglighteveryday.
7楼2013-10-28 18:41:26
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tuqin2575

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00waterh: 金币+5, there may be three stages to improve one's writing skills 2013-10-28 19:44:37
I think there may be three stages to improve one's writing skills. First, learn to write good sentences. It means you have to get a good vocabulary and a sense of grammar rules.  Second, to write fluently. It requires efficient and enough practice. The last, to think deep. On this purpose you need to be able to debate, to analyze and to employ some typical examples. Overall, you are supposed to present your own views in the best, accurate and concise way. Among these three stages, the second stage can be solved in EC if you come here often. The first lays the ground, and may be boring. The last is the most difficult and asks for extensive reading and many other things. Best wishes.
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Befreeinyourway,justliketheshinninglighteveryday.
8楼2013-10-28 18:58:40
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Lopemann

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引用回帖:
7楼: Originally posted by tuqin2575 at 2013-10-28 20:41:26
The essay is perfect. In addition, I think one benefit from keeping an independent life from the pareents is that we can make more friends and develop our social relations as soon. With these friend ...

Thanks. BTW, good discussion
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现实世界的理想主义卧底 Gypsy in memory
9楼2013-10-28 19:31:22
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风之韵lg

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Lopemann: 金币+2, Just drop in sometimes to make some friends. 2014-01-18 20:01:28
i am also a new hand as you. i am prepariong for my IELTS, but i don't know what is the best way to improve my writting. i have scanned many books about the writting, but they always say "the more exercise, the better", after every exercise i have no idea about where i am wrong. i hope someone could help me……

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尽最大的努力，做最好的自己！！
10楼2013-10-28 20:23:51
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