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小木虫论坛-学术科研互动平台 » 科研生活区 » 外语学习 » 读写翻译 » 求大神们修改托福作文啊
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hjd8886

金虫 (小有名气)

[求助] 求大神们修改托福作文啊

**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The environmental issue is too complex to be handled by the individual.
My:
Nowadays,as the quick development of the economic,there are also increasing environmetal problems.More and more news on TV or newspaper are about the serious pollutions,it seems that we are surround  by the mountians of pollutions,and it seems that the environmental pollutions are too complex to handle by individual.However,as for me,I don't think so,I don't think there are much too complex enviromental problems and as one individual ,we are also can cope with the problems that around us easily and efficiently.
Modern medias are more popular than the past years,lots of medias compete on the world,and it seems that no other big news they can take on,everyday,they just put on the news of environmental pollutions,such as one industry has pollutioned one local river ,some farm areas are poisoned by the ejections of the local industries.So many negtive reports are filled in the TV,newspaper,and Internet.Sometimes they just exaggrate a small problem,but most time,their reports cause a lot of people to anxious of their life.
Therefore,I want to say is that in our life ,in most occasion,there are just some small pollutions,everyone can handle it.
we are obessed with the big problem that may not in our life,so we maybe not aware of these small issues,such as noise pollution,light pollution,and garbiage pollution.These problems are not big deals,we can easily handle them.when we find the constrution area is buliding at night and it's noise annoy us,we can just go there and stop them,if they still do that,we can take them in court.and,the garbiage pollution is easier.we can talk to somebody who throw useless things arbitrary,we talk to them our ability.Of course,we should do first as an example.
Now that the problems are not big as we think about and we all can handle them easily,why not we move up and to do something for the environment ,for ourselvers,for our descends
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1楼2013-09-04 23:40:14
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michael003

银虫 (初入文坛)

【答案】应助回帖

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
hjd8886: 金币+30, ★★★★★最佳答案, 非常感谢啊，哈哈 2013-09-16 21:11:24
Nowadays,as the quick development of the economic(此处应用名词economy),there are also increasing environmetal problems.More and more news on TV or(此处加个in） newspaper are(此处应改为is，news通常不可数） about the serious pollutions,（此处应用一个连词and或者直接改为两句）it seems that we are surround (此处应用过去分词surrounded) by the mountians (此处应用 a mountain )of pollutions,and it seems that the environmental pollutions are too complex to handle by individual.However,as for me,I don't think so,I don't think there are much too complex enviromental problems and as one individual ,we are also can(此处应去掉are) cope with the problems that(此处加一个are或者去掉that) around us easily and efficiently.
Modern medias(此处应用media，其本身就是medium的复数） are more popular than(此处应加上those of，比较的对象要一致) the past years,lots of medias(此处应用media，其本身就是medium的复数） compete on the world,and it seems that no other big news they can take on,everyday,they just put on the news of environmental pollutions,such as one industry has pollutioned one local river ,some farm areas are poisoned by the ejections of the local industries.So many negtive reports are filled in (此处应用on）the TV,(此处加上in）newspaper,and(此处应用on the） Internet.Sometimes they just exaggrate a small problem,but most time,their reports cause a lot of people to(此处加上be） anxious of their life.
Therefore,(此处加上iwhat）I want to say is that in our life ,in most occasion(此处加上s，用复数）,there are just some small pollutions,(此处加上iand）everyone can handle it(此处应改为them）.
we are obessed with the big problem that may not (此处加上exist，缺动词）in our life,so we maybe not (此处应改为we may not be）aware of these small issues,such as noise pollution,light pollution,and garbiage(此处应改为garbage，拼写错误） pollution.These problems are not big deals,we can easily handle them.when we find the constrution area is buliding(此处应改为working） at night and it's(此处应改为its） noise annoy (此处应改为annoys）us,we can just go there and stop them,if they still do that,we can take them in court.and,the garbiage (此处应改为garbage，拼写错误）pollution is easier(此处加上to be handled）.we can talk to somebody who throw(此处应改为throws） useless things arbitrary(此处应改为arbitrarily）,we talk to them our ability(这句看不明白，建议去掉）.Of course,we should do first as an example(此处应改为we should set an example first）.
Now that the problems are not(此处加上as） big as we think about (此处应去掉about）and we all can handle them easily,why not(此处应改为don't） we move up (此处应改为attempt move，意为采取行动，move up意为晋升） and to(此处应去掉to） do something for the environment ,for ourselvers,for our descends(此处应改为descendants，用名词）
还有些地方，句式太过中式，不方便改。希望对你有帮助。
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2楼2013-09-16 06:49:49
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