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小北1999

[交流] (求助结束)我根据大家提的意见,重新整理过,再请大家帮我最后帮我看一遍

这是小学一年级学生的演讲材料,时间2分钟。帮我看看还有什么疏忽没有,谢谢大家!
                        
                                What can I Do for the Olympics
       Beijing won the bid for the 2008 Olympics in 2001. It proves that China is getting more and more stronger and is playing a more important role in the whole sports world.
       As a pupil, I can contribute to the Olympics in the following ways. On one hand, the Olympic Games is getting increasingly nearer to us, but language gap is still a big problem. So I should learn English with great enthusiasm and I hope I can participate in the Olympic Games as a volunteer. On the other hand, Beijing is a famous city in the world .More foreigner will come to china during the Olympics .So we should protect environment around ourselves and give the foreigner a good impression. For example, as far as I am concerned, I should not spit and litter. At the same time, I am obliged to giving some advices to my friends. What we act is another language of us.
      This is what I can do for the Olympics. If everyone participates in the preparation of   Olympics, I believe that the Beijing Olympics will be the most successful one in the history.

[ Last edited by 小北1999 on 2007-1-29 at 09:57 ]

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席子

金虫 (小有名气)

小问题

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小北1999(金币+5):谢谢!
其中所有的China都要大写
句子过长,前面有朋友提出了,显然不是口语
另外,把“on one hand",以及”on the other hand"去掉吧,孩子没那么逻辑,再者不十分符合英语习惯
10楼2007-01-28 22:31:36
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主救

金虫 (正式写手)

海阔天空

不错啊!


小北1999(金币+1):谢谢!
简短点更好!请您先让小孩念一下啊!再修改啊!
海阔天空
2楼2007-01-28 15:03:43
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小北1999

我还真不知道小孩是什么语速,那小孩也不在我身边,我只是自己念了一下,觉得再短就念不到两分钟了.
3楼2007-01-28 15:07:33
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chenlugb

木虫 (小有名气)


小北1999(金币+1):谢谢!
哈哈,不错不错,不过不像小孩的水平
4楼2007-01-28 15:19:21
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