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小北1999

[交流] (已成功应助)给小学一年级学生攒的一段简单英语,请大家帮我修改一下

给小学一年级学生攒的一段简单英语,她要参加一个什么演讲比赛,请大家帮我修改一下,谢谢啦!  忘了告诉大家了,是一个两分钟的演讲。

                What I can Do for the Olympics
     Beijing won the bid for the 2008 Olympics in 2001.  It proves that china is getting stronger and stronger and is playing a more important part in the world sports.
     As a pupil, I can contribute to the Olympics in the following ways. On one hand the Olympic Games is getting increasingly nearer to us .And the language gap is still a big problem yet .but I hope I can participate in the Olympic Games as a volunteer . So I should learn English with great effort. on the other hand, More foreign friends will come to china before and during the Olympics. I hope Peking impresses them with its environment. At least I should protect environment around myself. For example, don't spit and don't litter. And I feel obliged to give some warnings to my friends. How we act is another language of us.
      This is what I can do for the Olympics. If everyone participate in the preparation of Olympics ,I believe that the Beijing Olympics will be the most successful one in the human history.


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changchengd     7枚

[ Last edited by 小北1999 on 2007-1-28 at 14:53 ]
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whhui20006

木虫 (著名写手)

And the language gap is still a big problem yet .but I hope I can participate in the Olympic Games as a volunteer
建议改为Though/Although the language gap is still a big problem yet . I hope I can participate in the Olympic Games as a volunteer 似乎更地道些.
So I should learn English with great effort
改为And I will learn English with great effort.
或者改为 And / At the same time I will try my best to improve my english.
More foreign friends will come to china before and during the Olympics
建议改为many或者more and more  foreign friends will come to china during the Olympics period.
10楼2007-01-28 13:52:10
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yalefield

金虫 (文坛精英)

老汉一枚

★ ★ ★ ★ ★
lovesj(金币+1):谢谢光临,常来
小北1999(金币+4):谢谢!
(1) China, not china.
(2) Always capitalize the first letter of a sentence.
(3) If everyone participates, ...in the history. Omit 'human'.
2楼2007-01-28 01:56:49
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dcb005

金虫 (著名写手)

★ ★
小北1999(金币+4):谢谢!
小北1999(金币+4):谢谢!
lovesj(金币-6):应楼主要求,一共奖励您6个金币,扣6个,谢谢兄弟参与
1.第一句应该是:What can  I Do for the Olympics
2.It proves that china is getting stronger and stronger and is playing a more important part in the world sports.  and 后面的is多余;a 多余
3.I hope Peking impresses them with its environment.换成短语give sb impression in 较好
4.演讲比赛,最好还有个开场白
★穷则独善其身,达则兼济天下★
3楼2007-01-28 09:27:51
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dcb005

金虫 (著名写手)

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
小北1999(金币+4):谢谢!
lovesj(金币+2):谢谢兄弟参与,给2个金币,请笑纳~~常来问答版做客啊
everyone participate in the preparation of Olympics ,I believe that the Beijing Olympics will be the most successful one in the human history.
这一句,everyone是单数的

http://en.beijing2008.cn/
这个链接网址有关于北京2008的东西。看看,可以表达的更地道,找到新的灵感……

[ Last edited by dcb005 on 2007-1-28 at 09:36 ]
★穷则独善其身,达则兼济天下★
4楼2007-01-28 09:31:17
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