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william98铁虫 (初入文坛)
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跟着斑竹写作文－Issue88
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Issue 88 Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics. 提纲： 除去开头结尾，主要就两个部分： 1. 科技的发展对人们的生活方式等的确带来了很大的影响 2. 影响社会风俗习惯和道德的因素很多，科技也只能影响而不能起决定作用 Technology emerged and began to develop since human beings began to think thousands of years ago: from using a simple gearing to draw water from a well, to handling a product line by computers and robots today, technology never stops its steps to progress. As a considerable part of our life, technologies eventually influence our social customs and ethics to an extant, but not a determinate factor in my opinion. With the development of technology, the breakthrough of technology often triggers the transformation of social customs and ethics. With the invention of automobiles, people have more freedom to choose the work place and residence; with tele-communications, people widen their way and frequency not only to contact with friends and neighbors, but also to strangers; with the development of computer and internet, people can work, attend classes, do shopping and so forth at home rather than go out in the past. Obviously, it is with the magic power of technology that we change a lot about way we perceive and the contact with the world. Old occupations disappear while new occupations are born. The most notable example is the situation of women status. Hundreds of years ago, women were considered only negligible house keepers, however, after the industrial revolution, women began to go out of home to choose some simple work such as secretary, or ordinary workers, and then with the information revolution, women nowadays in many nations can hold very important positions in business companies or government as men do. Obviously, it is with the magic power of technology that we change a lot about way we perceive and contact with the world. However, social customs and ethics are extraordinarily complicated rather than just the way people work, think, live and so on. They are handed down from generation to generation with so many essential elements such as the history background of a nation or the religion and its evolution of people. Chinese people began to celebrate Spring festival and Mid-autumn Day with the whole family thousands years ago and also do the same now, no matter how fast technology develops, the basic forms of these celebrations still remains the same just as thousands of years ago. It is a way to express people’s good wish for the new year and for the kith and kin. What’s more, human nature and human’s good will for truth, goodness and beauty etc., which compose the essential elements of social ethics, are not determined by technology. Technology makes progress, does not mean people will think evil conduct as right; communication skills develops, does not mean people do not long for lasting love and friendship anymore. Ethics is immanent of human beings. Thousands of years culture, history, regions and human nature work together to form this complex social ethics, and thus influence social customs. Technology cause changes to these but will never become one that determines. The effect that technology bring about is so tremendous, that our life, our social customs and ethics become eventually change to some extant. However, from what have been discussed above it is clear that technology just play an assistant role not a determinate one. |
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hummer(金币+10):批改的详细认真
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Issue 88 Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics. Technology emerged and began to develop since human beings began to think thousands of years ago: from using a simple gearing to draw water from a well, to handling a product line by computers and robots today, technology never stops its steps to progress. As a considerable part of our life, technologies eventually influence our social customs and ethics to an extant, but not a determinate factor in my opinion. With the development of technology, the breakthrough of technology often triggers the transformation of social customs and ethics. With the invention of automobiles, people have more freedom to choose the work place and residence; with tele-communications, people widen their way and frequency not only to contact with friends and neighbors, but also to strangers; with the development of computer and internet, people can work, attend classes, do shopping and so forth at home rather than go out in the past. Obviously, it is with the magic power of technology that we change a lot about way we perceive and the<删> contact with the world. Old occupations disappear while new occupations are born. The most notable example is the situation of women status. However, social customs and ethics are extraordinarily complicated rather than just the way people work, think, live and so on. They are handed down from generation to generation with so many essential elements such as the history background of a nation or the religion and its evolution of people. Chinese people began to celebrate Spring festival and Mid-autumn Day with the whole family thousands years ago and also do the same now, no matter how fast technology develops, the basic forms of these celebrations still remains the same just as thousands of years ago. It is a way to express people’s good wish for the new year and for the kith and kin. What’s more, human nature and human’s good will for truth, goodness and beauty etc., which compose the essential elements of social ethics, are not determined by technology. Technology makes progress, does not mean people will think evil conduct as right; communication skills develops, does not mean people do not long for lasting love and friendship anymore. Ethics is immanent The effect that technology bring about is so tremendous, that our life, our social customs and ethics become eventually change to some extant. However, from what have been discussed above it is clear that technology just play an assistant role not a determinate one. <文字功底深厚，驾驭语言的能力极佳。 不足之处在于句式的变化上。从文中多次使用排比的修辞手法来看，有点单一的感觉，当然效果还是不错的，尤其是第二段中的排比，效果相当的好，是文中除了首段外的第二大亮点。 此外，文章整体的逻辑层次也安排的很合理。但是段中的逻辑关系显得稍弱些，基本上都是平行的逻辑关系，影响了论证的力度。譬如第二段中，先是科技对人类的影响，然后是具体论述对女性的影响，是一个向下包容的逻辑关系；如果反过来，变为向上包容的逻辑关系，论证的力度会更强；或者由对个人的影响，对民族的影响，乃至对全人类的影响这样的逻辑顺序也是一个较强的逻辑论证序列。 大毛病挑不出，小毛病无关痛痒，见谅见谅：）> |
2楼2006-07-04 21:58:16