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【Leisure chat】my spare time 帮忙检查检查，谢谢 已有6人参与
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In my spare time,I enjoy watching cartoons.For instance,Ratatouille,The Princess and the Frog which played by The Walt Disney Company.And Sleeping Beauty,in this film ,the Princess Aurora hold that if one stick to his dream,and one day it will become a reality. By watching cartoons,you will keep a unsophisticated character and maintain a childlike innocence.I like cartoons just because I cherish my childhood memory. In some cartoons,especially in the Sleeping Beauty,I learned some truth--stick to your dream,and ond day it will come true.I have a dream,a brilliant one,which sometimes made me disappointing or depressed.But I really konw if I don't pay much time ,much energy to it ，it will wither and fall just like flash in the pan.Insist on it and make great efforts, my dream will come true,I believe. 修改后： In my spare time,I enjoy watching cartoons such as Ratatouille,The Princess and the Frog played by The Walt Disney Company.And in the filmSleeping Beauty,the Princess Aurora holds that if one sticks to his dream,and one day it will become a reality. By watching cartoons,I could keep an unsophisticated character and maintain a childlike innocence.Moreover ,cartoon recalls my childhood memory . In some cartoons,especially in the Sleeping Beauty,I learned one truth that aslong as you stick to your dream, ond day it will come true.I have a dream,a brilliant one,which made me excited.But I really konw that if I don't spend much time on my dream or throw all of my energies into it，it will wither and fall just like a flash in the pan.Insisting on my dream and making great efforts,I will surely make it come true. . [ Last edited by 丝侬 on 2010-5-6 at 13:05 ] |
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xia_chong
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丝侬(金币+5):谢谢您帮我检查，QQQ 2010-05-05 20:23:39
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In my spare time,I enjoy watching cartoons.For instance,Ratatouille,The Princess and the Frog which played by The Walt Disney Company. （像for example,for instance虽然是举例子，但通常后面接一个完整的句子。你这里仅仅是格举，不如改为such as） And Sleeping Beauty,in this film ,the Princess Aurora hold that if one stick to his dream,and one day it will become a reality. （Chinglish了。开头改为In the film "sleeping beauty",...这里面hold说是执有一个信念的意思吧。我不知道对不对holds the faith that是不是更好。hold要是单数第三人称，stick也应为sticks，one day最好挪到最后。a reality?我不知道reality是不是可数的，你查查！） By watching cartoons,you will keep a unsophisticated character and maintain a childlike innocence.I like cartoons just because I cherish my childhood memory. （最好别用第二人称了，用I就好了。a un...改为an，另外，意思的保持一个不复杂的性格（角色）？维持童心是吧，这句话我明白它的意思，但要好好斟酌一下。前面都是在说喜欢卡通的原因，末尾一句just because不好，要改！） In some cartoons,especially in the Sleeping Beauty,I learned some truth--stick to your dream,and ond day it will come true. （英语里面好像不会这么用存折号吧，我不确定。最好改为名词从句吧！） I have a dream,a brilliant one,which sometimes made me disappointing or depressed. （时态不统一，disppointing就改为disappointed，or应该去掉或者改为and） But I really konw if I don't pay much time ,much energy to it ，it will wither and fall just like flash in the pan.Insist on it and make great efforts, my dream will come true,I believe. （pay much time？投入时间好像有更好的说法，可以查查，好像是put ... into能量最好解为精力，it指代不明呀，我知道是ur dream，但不够明朗。a flash in the pan是闪电吗？我不确定。最后一句又很中国口语了。要改呀！） 哈哈，我很不客气指出了这些问题！sorry~ |
3楼2010-05-05 20:20:29
丝侬(金币+1):thank you 2010-05-05 19:51:57
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And Sleeping Beauty,in this film ,the Princess Aurora hold that if one stick to his dream,and one day it will become a reality.改为And Sleeping Beauty,in this film ,the Princess Aurora insist that if one stick to his dream,and one day the dream will become a reality. I learned some truth--stick to your dream,and ond day it will come true.I have a dream,a brilliant one,which sometimes made me disappointing or depressed.改为I learned some truth--stick to your dream,and one day it will come true.I have a dream,a brilliant one,which sometimes makes me disappointing or depressed. |
2楼2010-05-05 19:50:26
4楼2010-05-05 20:27:13
xia_chong
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5楼2010-05-05 20:28:18
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