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铁虫 (小有名气)

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[求助] 自用套磁信模板——已拟好，求帮检查语法等错误，有悬赏！攒人品加油啊兄弟们已有1人参与

以下两段请各位虫友们重点帮着检查检查哈，语法有不太确定的地方~~

After browsing your website and would like to learn more about it.I understand that XXX This project also fits me well since I have strong professional background in XXX Now, I want to do more valuable, interesting and challenging research related to XXX in my PhD study, especially theXXX . This is the major reason for my PhD application.

Several years of assiduous learning has allowed me to lay a solid theoretical foundation I have equipped myself with some computer programming and the team I cooperated with won the first prize in the National Robot Championship, also, I could use softwares like Python, stata and so on. .My undergraduate GPA is XXX and postgrauate one is XXX , with many professional courses scores ranking first in the class. I also improved independent thinking and problem-solving competence greatly through participating in practice and research. My undergraduate thesis is on the subject of “XXX” and gets an Outstanding Paper nomination among 4500 graduates. Besides, I have published a paper as the first author in XXX, proposing a new perspective in the potential impact of A, B on C I have got a Band 7 in my first IELTS exam, with nearly full mark for the reading. During graduate period, I followed Prof. xxx to conduct research on xxx

一起加油一起努力
如果留学DIY有什么问题也欢迎一起交流哈

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1楼 2018-06-18 22:58:17

已阅回复此楼关注TA 给TA发消息送TA红花 TA的回帖

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cqnudl

铁虫 (小有名气)

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专业: 自然语言理解与机器翻译

【答案】应助回帖

★ ★ ★ ★ ★
不要放弃: 金币+5, ★★★很有帮助, 谢谢 2018-06-19 10:37:01

哥们，为了方便改写，我复制一遍哈~

原来：After browsing your website and would like to learn more about it.I understand that XXX This project also fits me well since I have strong professional background in XXX Now, I want to do more valuable, interesting and challenging research related to XXX in my PhD study, especially theXXX . This is the major reason for my PhD application.

第一处：would like to learn more 缺主语
第二处：建议把also去掉，在this project 前面加上besides
第三处：建议把major换成main
（ps:语法错误不多，但是读起来有点奇怪）

Several years of assiduous learning has allowed me to lay a solid theoretical foundation I have equipped myself with some computer programming and the team I cooperated with won the first prize in the National Robot Championship, also, I could use softwares like Python, stata and so on. .My undergraduate GPA is XXX and postgrauate one is XXX , with many professional courses scores ranking first in the class. I also improved independent thinking and problem-solving competence greatly through participating in practice and research. My undergraduate thesis is on the subject of “XXX” and gets an Outstanding Paper nomination among 4500 graduates. Besides, I have published a paper as the first author in XXX, proposing a new perspective in the potential impact of A, B on C I have got a Band 7 in my first IELTS exam, with nearly full mark for the reading. During graduate period, I followed Prof. xxx to conduct research on xxx

总体印象：有点炫技的感觉而不是表达
第一处：建议also换成In addition
第二处：说到GPA时候中式表达严重，应该说 GPA分别为 aaa 和 bbb 在本科和硕士阶段，后面 ranking 1st place in the class
第三处：I also improved 换成 what's more + the independent thinking and problem-solving ability were greatly cultivated by participating in practices and researches.

楼主，你雅思都7分阅读9分了，怎么感觉写的东西怪怪的。。。

临睡前看看，望采纳