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不要放弃

铁虫 (小有名气)

[求助] 自用套磁信模板——已拟好,求帮检查语法等错误,有悬赏!攒人品加油啊兄弟们 已有1人参与

以下两段请各位虫友们重点帮着检查检查哈,语法有不太确定的地方~~

After browsing your website and would like to learn more about it.I understand that XXX This project also fits me well since I have strong professional background in XXX  Now, I want to do more valuable, interesting and challenging research related to XXX in my PhD study, especially theXXX . This is the major reason for my PhD application.

Several years of assiduous learning has allowed me to lay a solid theoretical foundation I have equipped myself with some computer programming and the team I cooperated with won the first prize in the National Robot Championship, also, I could use softwares like Python, stata and so on. .My undergraduate GPA is XXX and postgrauate one is XXX , with many professional courses scores ranking first in the class. I also improved independent thinking and problem-solving competence greatly through participating in practice and research. My undergraduate thesis is on the subject of “XXX” and gets an Outstanding Paper nomination among 4500 graduates. Besides, I have published a paper as the first author in XXX, proposing a new perspective in the potential impact of A, B on C I have got a Band 7 in my first IELTS exam, with nearly full mark for the reading. During graduate period, I followed Prof. xxx  to conduct research on xxx


一起加油一起努力
如果留学DIY有什么问题也欢迎一起交流哈
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铁虫 (小有名气)

引用回帖:
4楼: Originally posted by 那半句誓言 at 2018-06-19 04:23:13
这封信看的我起鸡皮疙瘩 建议楼主去掉很酷的单词 从句 无关的话。

谢谢
5楼2018-06-19 10:37:52
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cqnudl

铁虫 (小有名气)

【答案】应助回帖

★ ★ ★ ★ ★
不要放弃: 金币+5, ★★★很有帮助, 谢谢 2018-06-19 10:37:01
哥们,为了方便改写,我复制一遍哈~

原来:After browsing your website and would like to learn more about it.I understand that XXX This project also fits me well since I have strong professional background in XXX  Now, I want to do more valuable, interesting and challenging research related to XXX in my PhD study, especially theXXX . This is the major reason for my PhD application.

第一处:would like to learn more 缺主语
第二处:建议把also去掉,在this project 前面加上besides
第三处:建议把major换成main
(ps:语法错误不多,但是读起来有点奇怪)

Several years of assiduous learning has allowed me to lay a solid theoretical foundation I have equipped myself with some computer programming and the team I cooperated with won the first prize in the National Robot Championship, also, I could use softwares like Python, stata and so on. .My undergraduate GPA is XXX and postgrauate one is XXX , with many professional courses scores ranking first in the class. I also improved independent thinking and problem-solving competence greatly through participating in practice and research. My undergraduate thesis is on the subject of “XXX” and gets an Outstanding Paper nomination among 4500 graduates. Besides, I have published a paper as the first author in XXX, proposing a new perspective in the potential impact of A, B on C I have got a Band 7 in my first IELTS exam, with nearly full mark for the reading. During graduate period, I followed Prof. xxx  to conduct research on xxx

总体印象:有点炫技的感觉而不是表达
第一处:建议also换成In addition
第二处:说到GPA时候中式表达严重,应该说 GPA分别为 aaa 和 bbb 在本科和硕士阶段,后面 ranking 1st place in the class
第三处:I also improved 换成 what's more + the independent thinking and problem-solving ability were greatly cultivated by participating in practices and researches.

楼主,你雅思都7分 阅读9分了,怎么感觉写的东西怪怪的。。。

临睡前看看,望采纳
3楼2018-06-19 01:16:55
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那半句誓言

金虫 (正式写手)

这封信看的我起鸡皮疙瘩 建议楼主去掉很酷的单词 从句 无关的话。

发自小木虫IOS客户端
4楼2018-06-19 04:23:13
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sugeng2000

新虫 (正式写手)

感觉你写的有点多,第一封陶瓷,就介绍你是哪个学校的,研究方向是什么,然后对外导方向很感兴趣就行

发自小木虫Android客户端
6楼2018-06-19 10:38:43
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