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[交流] Up or down, what counts is harmony

Many successful professional women bemoan the difficulty of finding a husband matching their wealth, social status and education. A recent Wall Street Journal column offers them something to think about.
      The article discusses the upsides of "marrying down", saying today's ambitious women need parents who are collaborators rather than traditional breadwinner.
      Marrying down refers to a woman who marries a man who makes less money or is less educated. The notion of marrying down seems impossibly antiquated, says Sonya Rhodes, a couples therapist and writer of The Wall Street Journal column. It is right out of the Downton Abbey era, says Rhodes, where suitable marriages were entirely a matter of matching people according to social class and fortune.
      The notion that women should marry up endured well into the 20th century when relatively few high-paying jobs were available to women and the most successful breadwinners were considered the most desirable mates. But the education and job market has been changing since then. More women are graduating from college and graduate school than men.
      In the US, Pew Research Center reported earlier this year that for the first time,"the share of couples in which the wife is the one 'marrying down' educationally is higher than those in which the husband has more education." In 2012, the report notes, 27 percent of newlywed women married a spouse with less education, while only 15 percent of newlywed men did the same.
      China is experiencing a similar situation. Statistics released by the Ministry of Education in 2013 showed that in the past three years, more women have been graduating with a master's degree than men and the gap has been widening.
      Suitable match
      Although more education doesn't necessarily lead to higher pay, in most US cities, single women under 30 now make more money than their male peers, according to analysis by research firm Reach Advisors. Most strikingly, Pew has found that in 24 percent of marriages, women earn more than their husbands, up from 6.2 percent in 1960.
      But in real life, says Rhodes, when a successful woman "marries down", rather than receiving blessings she will be told that she should have found someone more her equal.
      But "marrying down" has its benefits. Rhodes says that for most strong, successful women, the alpha male isn't the best match. Rhodes says two dominant personalities often enage in power struggles. Confident, dominant women need collaborative partners who aren't threatened by their strength and will support their goals and receivements, says Rhodes. These men can follow as well as lead. They work but aren't workaholics. They are willing to share more responsibilities of family life.
      But perhaps the most important lesson when it comes to romance is that we should't be concerned about marrying up or down, we should just marry the right person.

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