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[转贴]关于政府网站中式英语问题的系列调查
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黄卫峰：关于政府网站中式英语问题的系列调查（一）——以广西壮族自治区政府英文网页为对象 时间:2006年10月9日 作者：黄卫峰（北京外国语大学博士后研究人员） 来源:学术批评网 随着中国改革开放步伐的加大，中国需要走向世界，而世界也渴望了解中国。在互联网高度发达的今天，网络自然成为人们了解信息的重要渠道。因此，为了适应这种需要，各种企事业单位、政府部门纷纷建立了自己的英文网页。然而，令人遗憾的是，许多单位对英语网页还不够重视，有的领导只是把它看作一种点缀或装饰，长期以来对外宣传中存在的不容忽视的严重翻译质量问题并没有得到有效控制。 为了了解目前中式英语的现状，本人将对一系列省级和市级地方政府网站进行调查，对其中存在的问题进行分析。笔者认为，虽然许多网页文章属非正式文体，但以外国读者为对象、以宣传功能为主的政府网站，其上面的内容应该属于正式文体之列。 本文选取的对象是广西壮族自治区政府网站英文网页，以其中的简介（About Guangxi）和“广西壮族自治区政治协商会议委员会”（The Committee of Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference）为文本（其中字数为1786，不包括空格的字符数为9942，包括空格的字符数为11086）进行分析，发现存在以下大量问题。由于许多句子存在不只一种问题，因此，分类只是相对而言的，以便读者能了解主要问题所在。有不当之处，敬请专家学者批评指正。 一、标点符号使用不当 标点符号尤其是逗号的使用随意性很强，可以用来连接两个以上的独立句，这是汉语被称为“意合”语言的一大原因。相比之下，被称为“形合语言”的英语则对标点符号尤其是逗号的使用有严格规定。使用不当，就会导致“逗号句错误”（comma splice）或片段句（sentence fragment）。由于中英两种语言在这方面的巨大差异，我国许多初级甚至中高级英语学习者或多或少都会犯此类低级和基本的语法错，这是可以理解的。但作为政府对外宣传的正式文件，此类错误如果出现太多，毫无疑问将会大大影响形象。 1.Since China adopted its policy of reform and opening, international trade in Guangxi has developed significantly. A rise of 8.4 percent over the previous year in 1997. (“Opening up to the Outside World” in “Investment Guide”)（第二句为片段句） 2.29 committeemen are supplemented by the Political Consultative Conference of Guangxi Autonomou Region, 1 committeeman passed away, 12 committeemen resigned, 1 committeeman is dismissed, the number of the actual committeemen reaches 662 at the end of the year.（逗号句错误） 3.Guangxi Zhang Autonomous region is a provincial-leveladministrative region that lies on China's southwestern part, It is one of china's five Provincial-level national autonomous regions.（这句话有多处错误，其中之一就是China's southwestern part和It is之间的逗号应改为句号，显然这是粗心大意导致的。其二，provincial-level与administrative是两个单词，应分开。至于其余错误，放在相应错误类别下讨论。） 4.The Region has set up 9 autonomous municipalities; Nanning, Liuzhou, Guilin, Wuzhou, Beihai, Qinzhou, Fangchenggang, Guigang and Yuling; six prefectures: Nanning, Liuzhou, Guilin, Hezhou, Baise and Hechi.（municipalities后面的分号应该改为冒号。） 5.29 committeemen are supplemented by the Political Consultative Conference of Guangxi Autonomou Region, 1 committeeman passed away, 12 committeemen resigned, 1 committeeman is dismissed, the number of the actual committeemen reaches 662 at the end of the year.（典型的逗号句错误。另外，29 committeemen are supplemented by the Political Consultative Conference of Guangxi Autonomou Region存在逻辑错误，“委员”怎么会被“广西壮族自治区政治协商会议”所补充呢？） 6. From July 28 to August 10, The delegation leaded by the vice-chairman Lu Hushan visited England, Germany and France, the delegation inspect the legal assistant instance.（典型的逗号句错误。此外，还有多处问题。第一，The delegation中的The第一个字母应该小写；第二，leaded应改为led；第三，inspect应使用过去式；第四，the legal assistant instance存在用词不当问题。） 二、大小写不规范 英语写作中，对大小写有严格规定。句子大小写涉及句子的正误，而单词的大小写有时影响到意义，比较典型的例子如China指“中国”，而china就变成了“瓷器”。因此，在正式书面语中，应严格遵守相应规定。 7.The colorful traditional customs and diverse cultures add much to guangxi's attractiveness.（这句话中的guangxi第一个字母显然应该大写。） 8. Today's Zhuang people are the descendents of the Sizhen and luyue branches of the ancient Baiyue tribe, so they are Guangxi's oldest nationality.（显然Shizhen和luyue是两个并列的分支，为何一个用大写开头，一个不用？） 9. The present Guangxi was the western part of the then Guangnan region and was named the western Guangnan region, with its administrative center in Guilin.（显然，the western Guangnan region在这里是一个专有名词，按照英语习惯，其余两个实词即western和region的第一个字母也应该大写才对。） 10. After the founding of the people's Republic of China in 1949, the People's Government of Guangxi Province was established on February 8th, 1950.（the people's Republic of China中的people第一个字母也应该大写才对，这是起码的常识。） 11. It is one of china's five Provincial-level national autonomous regions.（堂堂的“中国”的英文China的第一个字母竟然没有大写。需知，没有大写的china是“瓷器”之意。对于英语学习者来说，这可是最基本的常识。） 12. Guangxi Zhang Autonomous region is a provincial-leveladministrative region that lies on China's southwestern part（“广西壮族自治区”是一个专有名词，因此Guangxi Zhang Autonomous region的region的第一个字母也应该大写才对。另外provincial-leveladministrative是两个单词，应分开写。） 13. It is one of china's five Provincial-level national autonomous regions.（上一句中的provincial不大写，为何这句中的Provincial就大写呢？毫无道理！） 14. With over 700 types of fruit, guangxi is a fruit lover's paradise（同样地，这里的guangxi第一个字母应该大写。） 15. The Party Thought much of hot and difficult problems from the people.（译者把动词Thought大写想表达什么意思？） 16. The party develop the special investigation and review of some problems, including Western Area Development（这里的party显然是专指“中国共产党”，第一个字母应该大写。） 三、搭配和用词错误 搭配错误是中国英语学习者比较普遍的问题。许多高级学习者偶尔也会犯此类错误。因此，本文所提到的错误，只是非常明显的错误，对于基本上可以接受的译文，不在讨论之列。 17. Guangxi Zhang Autonomous region is a provincial-leveladministrative region that lies on China's southwestern part（这句话存在介词搭配错误，应将on改为in。学过英语的都知道，在英语中表示地理位置有三个介词，如果一地在另一地范围之内用介词in，如本句中Guangxi Zhang Autonomous region是China的一部分，故应用in；如果两地相邻，用介词on；如果两地没有共同的边界，则用介词to。） 18.To its east is Guangdong province.（这里再次犯了介词搭配错误。广西与广东是相邻省份，两者之间有共同边界线，因此应该把to改为on才对。） 19.Guangxi also has a coastline, including many bays and estuaries,of1, 595kilometers.（这句也有至少两个错误：其一，of1,595kilometers是三个单词，应分开为of 1,595 kilometers；其二，逻辑错误。） 20.There are 12 nationalities in Guangxi, the Zhuang, Han, Yao, Miao, Dong, Mulao, Maonan, Jing, Hui, Shui, Yi and Gelao. There are also 25 smaller ethnic groups in the region. Guangxi has a populationof 46.33 million, of whom 15.18 million are Zhuangs, the largest of China's 55 ethnic groups.（这里存在至少两个问题。第一个问题很简单，populationof是两个词，应该分开。但第二个问题比较复杂。从一、二句来看，译者是从广泛意义上来使用nationality一词的，也就是说是把nationality与第二句的ethnic group等同使用的。按此理解，第三句显然存在事实错误。从众所周知，中国有56个民族，所以不应该是55 ethnic groups。而其中最大的民族当然是汉族，不可能是“壮族”。否则，只能把第三句的ethnic groups理解为少数民族。但如此理解的话，那么第一句的nationalities就是用词不当。总之，其中必有一处错了。顺便一提的是，在民族学中，nationality和ethnic group是严格区分的，前者指历史上曾经执掌过国家政权的民族，而后者指其他没有执掌过政权的民族，一般翻译为“族裔”，大致相当于汉语中的“少数民族”。） 21.The Tropic of Cancer runs across its central part.（这里的The Tropic of Cancer是什么意思？笔者看不懂。） 22.10 step hydroelectric stations could be built along this river.（笔者对水电站的专业术语不懂。这里的step hydroelectric stations是否规范？） 23.Among them there are 1 Political Consultative organizaition of Guangxi Autonomous Region, 5 Regional Working Commissions of Political Consultative organizations of Guangxi Autonomous Region, 9 Political Consultative organizations at city class, 105 Political Consultative organizations at county (town,section) class.（首先，把“市级”和“县级”翻译成city class和county (town,section) class，用词不当。第二，同一句话中多次重复Guangxi Autonomous Region和Political Consultative organizations，不符合英语习惯。） 24.The number of the committeemen of the Political Consultative Conference of Guangxi Autonomou Region reaches 18,000.（把“委员”翻译为committeemen，用词不当。首先，这不是一个常用词，一般词典上找不到。虽然按照英语构词法，可以理解，但在现在这个讲究男女平等的社会，committeemen也有性别歧视之嫌，而且也不符合事实，委员会中肯定有女委员，她们看到这种译文不抗议才怪！） 25.Besides Guilin and Guigang cities, 7 Political Consultative organizations at change the members.（at change the members什么意思？百思不得其解！） 26.The Party Thought much of hot and difficult problems from the people.（think of的意思是“想起”。党为人民想起很多问题？看不懂！） 27.Through acquainting themselves with the social situation and the people's feeling, the committeemen provided the important according as for the Party Committee and the People's government to grasp the fact and improve the work. （问题一，provided the important according as for the Party Committee存在搭配问题，让人不知所云；问题二，grasp the fact似乎也有搭配问题，且fact应用复数为好。） 28.The Committee of Guangxi Autonomous Region of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference accepted 100 visitors at total, including the guests from 5 countries, like America, Canada, etc. and the Chinese from KongKong, Macao and Taiwan. （问题一，accepted用词不当；问题二，at total搭配不当，英语中只有in total之说。） |
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四、语法错误 29.Guangxi shares a 1,020 kilometers border with Vietnam.（当“数词+名词”作定语时，名词应该用单数形式，且应使用连词符连接起来。因此，应该把a 1,020 kilometers border 改为a 1,020-kilometer-long border。） 30.Guangxi is also the only ethnic autonomous region that has accesses to both a sea and a land border.（has access to是一个短语，其中的access是不可数名词，一般不用复数形式。另外，a land border也不很恰当。） 31.Guangxi has a humid subtropical monsoon climate, which is characterized by plenty of sunshine, moderately high temperatures and abundant precipitation.（这句中的temperatures似乎没有理由要用复数。另外，a humid subtropical monsoon climate中三个定语的顺序是否正确？） 32.The party develop the special investigation and review of some problems, including Western Area Development, to increase the farmers' income, environment protection, support of the poor zoology, the matriculate of the high-school examination, the education in the primary school, high-school and vocational school, community services, Social Guarantee, physical facility of community, family planning, technology service, internet construction , nationality medicine, the reform of the hospitalization insurance system of the employees in towns, and in border zone how to prevent and eliminate the inter contradiction of the people, the local nationality relation, the construction of two civilization, the status of the foreign-funded enterprises and the enterprises owned by chinese in HongKong, Macao and Taiwan.（这个长句存在多个问题。首先是结构不平行。从整个句子结构上来说，从Western Area Development一直到句末的Macao and Taiwan，都是接在介词including后的成分，按照英语平行结构的要求，都应该使用同一种结构。但仔细分析一下该句，就会发现其中绝大多数是名词短语结构，但也有动词不定式结构，如to increase the farmers' income 和how to prevent and eliminate the inter contradiction of the people。其次，including 后面接如此多的并列成分，而且其中多处使用and，又都用逗号连接，让人找不到层次。第三，句中多个译文欠准确。“环保”的英语译文一般使用environmental protection而不是environment protection；the matriculate of the high-school examination中的matriculate是动词，其相应的名词形式为matriculation；恕笔者孤陋寡闻，Social Guarantee从未见过，这种说法的准确性令人质疑；nationality medicine想表达的中文意思是什么？hospitalization insurance system是“医疗保险体系”吗？把“人民内部矛盾”翻译成the inter contradiction of the people显然不准确；the local nationality relation也需要进一步改进；既然是 two civilization，那应该使用复数形式吧。第四，大小写问题。owned by chinese中的chinese第一个字母应该大写。） 33.The party complete investigation reports about 15 subject, which got the recognition of the party commission of Guangxi Autonomous Region and the government, and some of which are transformed into working measure of government department.（这句话也是问题多多。首先，从意思和整个文章的英语时态呼应的要求来说，The party complete investigation reports about 15 subject和some of which are transformed into working measure of government department两句应该使用现在完成时态才对；第二，15 subject中的名词subject显然应该使用复数形式；第三，如前所述，这句中的两个party第一个字母都应该大写；第四，working measure存在用词不当问题。） 34.There are 19 committeemen inspection group, which carry on the special inspection on the problems, including frame adjustment of rural economy and agriculture, increase of farmers' income, supporting the poor and conquering hardship, the economic development of the coastal zones, the phenomenon of individual privately own the collective-enterprises, etc.（这句话存在多处错误。首先，committeemen的使用问题，前面已经分析过，这里不再赘述；第二，19 committeemen inspection group中group应该使用复数形式；第三，frame adjustment of rural economy and agriculture中的frame使用不当；第四， the phenomenon of individual privately own the collective-enterprises中的phenomenon用词不当，把“个体私营经济”翻译成individual privately own the collective-enterprises，不符合英语表达习惯，至少own应该使用分词owned结构才符合英语语法要求。） 35.From the middle of October to the early of November, the chairman Chen Huiguan, the vice-chairman Yu Shuxia, Liang Chalran, Chen Zhenyu, Lu Hushan, Deng Pudong leaded 5 inspection teams to Yulin, guigang, Hechi, Huanjiang, Yizhou, Zhaoping, Zhongshan, Fuchuan, Liuzhou, Wuxuan, Laibin, etc.（这句存在许多问题。首先， vice-chairman显然不只一个，起码应该使用复数形式。如果里面还有女性，那就应该改为vice-chairperson以避性别歧视之嫌；第二，lead的过去式是led，而不是leaded，这点中学生都应该知道。第三，这些人名和地名对于中国人来说，是比较熟悉的。但对于外国人来说，没有任何意义。不如改用概述性说法。） 36.From September 17 to October 3, Guangxi Power delegation under the lead of the vice-chairman Yuan Zhengzhong inspect on invitation the instance of French Power.（这句的主要问题有：第一，lead应改为leadership；第二，句子应用一般过去时，即应把inspect改为inspected；第三，instance是否恰当？） 37.From October 20 to November 2, with the invitation, leaded by the vice-chairman Chen Leiqin as the director, the Committee of Guangxi Autonomous Region of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference inspect the city construction and city layout.（这句话存在与前一句类似的问题。第一，leaded应改为led；第二，as the director与leaded by在同一句中初夏，属于语意重复，应去掉；第四，inspect应改为过去式inspected。） 38.In the middle of November, with the invitation, 300 people of Guangxi Congratulation Delegation, the chairman Liu Huiguang as the director, the vice-chairman Qin Zhigang as the vice-director visit on invitation the 2000 Special Meeting of Guangxi countrymen friendship Conference held in Macao.（这句话的主要问题有：第一，句子时态错误，应使用一般过去时，即把visit改为visited；第二，with the invitation与on invitation完全重复，应去掉一个；第三，Guangxi countrymen friendship Conference存在大小写问题，为何Conference大写，而countrymen和friendship却小写？而且，译文本身也有待商榷；第四，按照英语表达习惯，the chairman Liu Huiguang as the director前应加一个介词with。） 39.At the end of November, invited by the Hawaii government of USA, under the lead of the vice-chairman Deng Pudong as the director, the inspection delegation of the Committee of Guangxi Autonomous Region of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference inspect the technology enterprises and western zone development.（问题一，under the lead of 与as the director属于语意重复，应去掉其中一个；问题二，句子应用过去时态，即inspect应改为inspected；问题三，inspect与western zone development存在逻辑搭配问题，怎么会“参观”“发展”呢？ 40.At the end of December, invited by the homeland font of Guangning province and the association of some friend leagues and organizations in Socialistic Republic of Vietnam, under the lead of the vice-chairman Yuan Zhengzhong, the the inspection delegation of the Committee of Guangxi Autonomous Region of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference visit friendly Vietnam, meeting with the homeland front of Guangning province, having an audience with the Central Committee of homeland front of Vietnam, the relative principals of association of every friend organizations and leagues, inspecting the scenic top Xialong Bay and Kailong Harbor, looking with reverence at the Hu Zhiming cemetery in Henei city.（这是一个结构上非常笨拙的句子，而且存在许多表达问题。首先，the homeland font中的font存在拼写错误，应改为front。另外，这个短语是什么意思？让人费解。第二，the association of some friend leagues and organizations 中存在重复现象，应把the association of去掉，显然这是受中式思维影响造成的，而且应把friend改为friendly。第三，the the inspection delegation中多了一个the，显然是粗心大意所致。第三，句子应用一般过去时，即把visit改为visited。第四， the relative principals of association of every friend organizations and leagues中的relative principals是什么意思？让人不知所云。同样地，这里的friend应改为friendly。第五，looking with reverence at the Hu Zhiming cemetery in Henei city中的动词使用不当。） 五、典型中式思维 以上所提到的许多句子中存在中式思维问题。而且，从广义上来说，前面所提到的许多问题都是中式思维所致。因此，中式思维问题不限于以下所列句子。这里所讨论的句子不存在其他问题，完全是中式思维造成的，不属于错误，但应该加以改进。 41.Like the Han people, all ethnic groups in China have the freedom to believe in or not to believe in religion.（这句中的or not to believe in显然是受中式思维影响翻译而成，完全多余。） 42.The average annual temperature ranges from 16 degrees Celsius to 22.7 degrees Celsius.（按照英语习惯，前一个degrees Celsius完全可以省略，而且也应该省略。） 六、随意杜撰 43.Guangxi's major religions are Christianity, Catholicity, Buddhism, Muslimism, and Taoism.（穆斯林信仰的是Islam。也可能是笔者孤陋寡闻，但查词典似乎也找不到Muslimism一词。） 结 语 读完以上内容，读者会有一种触目惊心之感。堂堂的一个省级政府网页，竟然存在大量如此低级错误，这不能不令人深思：其原因到底何在？最近，笔者看到一个翻译公司的招聘广告，要求大学英语六级以上。我想，这多少能反映出一点问题。众所周知，大学英语六级是面向非英语专业学生的水平考试，其主要内容以阅读为主。虽然不排除其中个别优秀者，但笔者可以肯定地说，绝大多数六级证书持有者只能胜任一些日常简单的翻译。像政府文件之类的正式对外宣传材料还是应该请英语专家来做，至少应该请他们来把关。 目前，翻译界理论研究气氛很浓，但对翻译实践问题似乎关注不够。希望中国翻译者协会能出台一些有效措施，切实地帮助改善目前对外宣传中的翻译质量问题，如设立政府文件翻译监督组，专门负责监督政府文件的翻译质量。当然，这需要各级政府的配合，所以也希望政府部门在提倡科学发展观的今天能听从专家意见，少些专断作风。政府网站毕竟代表了一个地方政府的形象，不能草率从事！ |
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黄卫峰：政府网站中式英语问题调查（二） 时间:2006年11月16日 作者：黄卫峰（北京外国语大学博士后流动站研究人 来源:学术批评网 作为政府网站中式英语问题系列调查之二，本次选取的调查对象为北京市政府英文网页（http://www.ebeijing.gov.cn），从中随机抽查的文本包括市长王歧山致词的英文稿， Beijing’s History，China Briefing中的Introduction，以及socialist market economy，单词总数为3362。总体来说，译文质量还是不错的。但经过分析，发现依然存在以下主要问题，现不揣冒昧提出来，与译者商榷，并敬请专家学者批评指正。 一、市长致词英文稿中的问题 该文本共计177个单词。这篇英文稿问题相对比较严重。 1. This website aims to provide foreigners with comprehensive and timely information with regards to their work, study, investment, life and recreation. 问题分析：学过英语语法的人都知道，英语中有的单词的复数形式具有区分词义的作用，因此单复数的使用要慎重。本句就存在这种问题。with regard to是英语中一个固定短语，意思是“关于（正在谈论或论及的某个话题或题目）”。因此该句中的regards应改为单数形式regard。由于该短语一般用来提示话题，置于句首，所以该短语用在该句中是否恰当，也值得商榷。另外一个意义相似但结构不同的固定短语是as regards，这里就一定要使用复数形式regards。译者可能把两者混淆了。顺便一提的是，英语中还有一个结构相似但意思截然不同的短语with kind regards，意思相当于汉语“谨此致候”，是写信结尾时一种表示友好但比较正式的表达方式。 2. With Beijing's successful winning of its bidding for the 2008 Olympic Games, Beijing sincerely hope that this website could become a bridge that connects Beijing with the rest of the world and that it could also further contribute to Beijing's exchanges and cooperation with other foreign countries and cities. 问题分析：该句至少存在三个明显的错误。首先，该句的主语Beijing是单数形式，因此谓语动词hope应使用第三人称单数形式，即加-s，改为hopes；第二，exchange既可用作可数名词，表示具体的“交流”情况，也可用作不可数名词，表示“交流”行为，因此既可以使用复数形式，也可以使用单数形式。但在本句的exchanges and cooperation中，主要强调“交流”这一抽象行为，且出于句子平行结构的考虑，以使用单数形式为佳。第三，with other foreign countries and cities存在逻辑问题。该短语前面没有提及其他countries and cities，因此这里的other一词完全是“画蛇添足”，属于用词不当。 3. In order to help foreigners learn more about Beijing, we will provide you with some information services about the key measures of government affairs, reforms, improvement of investment environment, and invitations for public bidding on some key projects through this website. 问题分析：这句话也存在多处问题。首先，人称转换不当。按照英语语法规则，代词与其先行词在人称方面应保持一致。在本句中，代词you是第二人称，而其所替代的先行词foreigners却是第三人称。由于本文就是针对外国人的一篇致词（这点从称呼Dear Friends）就可以看出，所以foreigners属于用词不当，应改为you。这样全篇语气就可以保持一致。第二，information services用词不当。service一般用作不可数名词（因此不用复数形式），而作可数名词时表示“从事公共服务的机构或组织”或“服务行业”（此时一般使用复数形式）。事实上，从上下文可以看出，后面提到的都是相关信息，没有涉及“服务”，因此这里的services完全是“画蛇添足”，用词不当。第三，按照常识，reforms, improvement of investment environment, and invitations for public bidding 这些都属于government affairs，属于从属关系，不知为何把它们相提并论？另外，the key measures of government affairs似乎也存在搭配问题。 4. We sincerely hope that you could visit Beijing and that you could also contribute to Beijing's constructions and development with your valuable ideas and advice. 问题分析：这句话也存在至少两处需要改进的地方。第一，constructions and development中，存在复数形式不当问题。construction表示抽象意义上的“建筑、建设”时，是不可数名词，应用单数形式；作可数名词用时，表示具体的“建筑物”、“（语法上的）结构或句法关系”、“解释，说明”。根据上下文，显然这里指抽象意义上的“建设”，而且出于平行结构考虑，都应该使用单数形式。第二，your valuable ideas and advice是典型的中式思维所致，是“您的宝贵意见”的直译。我们中国人很客气，使用“宝贵”表示对对方的尊重。但外国人可不这样想。他们会想：“你要的是我们的‘宝贵意见和建议’（valuable ideas and advice），但问题是我怎么知道我自己的意见对于你们来说是否‘宝贵’（valuable）呢？看来还是不提为好。”valuable一词应当去掉。当然，这种文化差异并非本人的独特发现。《语言与文化》一书中就曾指出过类似问题。如果译者多读点关于中英文化差异的书，这些问题本来是可以避免的。毕竟，翻译不仅仅是语言问题，更是文化问题。 二、Beijing’s History中存在的主要问题 该文本单词总数为1888。 1. The fossil remains of Peking man, his stone tools and evidence of use of fire, as well as later tools of 18,000 years ago, bone needles and article of adornment from the age of Upper Cave Man are the earliest cultural relics on record in China today. 问题分析：article of adornment中的article显然应该用复数形式，因为装饰品不应该只有一种。另外，later tools of 18,000 years ago中的later显然多余。 2. Some four to five thousand years ago, settlements to the southwest of Beijing were thriving on basic agriculture and animal husbandry. 问题分析：这个句子显然应该使用一般过去时。另外，settlements to the southwest of Beijing中的介词to的用法值得推敲。由于没有相应的中文版对照，不知道这里提到的settlements是否属于北京范围之内？但根据上下文，这里提到的是北京的历史，所以应该是北京范围内。如果这种理解是正确的话，那么应把to改为in。 3. Story has it that the legendary Yellow Emperor (Huang Di) battled against the tribal leader Chiyou in the ¡°wilderness of the prefecture of Zhuo.¡±Zhuolu, a town west of present-day Beijing, is perhaps the site of the first metropolis in the area. 问题分析：不知为何出现许多像¡°wilderness和¡±Zhuolu这种问题？这会大大影响读者的理解。可以说，这种问题非常严重，到处都是（本文后面列出的出现其他错误的句子中都会看到类似问题，不再一一说明），希望能得到尽快改进（因为这些问题很容易改进）。为了说明问题的严重性，这里再从本文没有分析的其他句子中举出一些例子来：Yellow Emperor¡¯s successor ；present¨ Cday Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region ；Kublai Khan¡¯s rule；¡°base¡± in the south；Large¨C scale. 4. Yellow Emperor¡¯s successor, Emperor Yao, was said to have established a legendary capital Youdu (City of Quietude) that was where the city of Ji was actually built. 问题分析：that was where the city of Ji was actually built中的that was显然多余，而且使句子读起来非常别扭。 5. The city of Ji was named administrative center of Guangyang Commandery, one of 36 prefectures in China¡¯s first feudal empire. 问题分析：这里的named似乎用词不当。 6. The new expanded city, with its splendid buildings in the center measured roughly five kilometers in circumference. The registered population of the Imperial Palace in the center measured roughly five kilometers in circumference. The registered population of Zhongdu amounted to 225,592 households, or approximately one million people. 问题分析：第二句话不伦不类，其主语与第三句主语相同，其谓语却与第一句话的谓语相同。可以看出，是不仔细导致的错误。第二句话完全多余，应该去掉。 7. The first stage was construction of the palace buildings, most of which were completed in 1274. The next stage was construction of the mansions for the imperial princes, the government offices, the Taimiao (Imperial Ancestral Temple) and Shejitan (Altar of Land and Grain) to the east and west of the palace, and a system of streets for ordinary residences. 问题分析：首先，第一句话和第二句话的construction前都应添加定冠词the。第二，residences应改为residents。 8. Marco Polo¡¯s description of the palaces of Cambaluc, as the called Khanbalig, us most famous of all: 问题分析：首先，description …as…是搭配在一起使用的，所以as前的逗号应去掉，否则不好理解。第二，the called不符合英语表达习惯，一般使用the so-called。第三，这句话缺少谓语部分，从结构上分析，应把us改为is，可能是拼写错误造成的。 9. The layout was the result of uniform planning, the broader streets all 24 paces wide, the narrow lanes half this width. 问题分析：这句话结构上存在问题。 10. A north-south axis bisects the city with the Imperial Palace was knows as Danei (The Great Within). 问题分析：首先，该句存在两个谓语bisects和was，而中间没有能连接两个动词的连接词，显然属于语法错误。第二，was后面应该接动词的过去分词，表示被动关系，所以应将knows改为known。第三，括号里的解释既然是意译，那么既要符合语法，也要让人看得懂。但该解释，外国人读了肯定不知所云。 11. Designed with thousands of halls and gates arranged symmetrically around a north¨Csouth axis, its dimensions and luxuriance are a fitting symbol of the power and greatness of traditional China. 问题分析：traditional China?似乎用词不当。 12. It has expanded from its old confines within the nine gates of the Inner City wall (Zhengyangmen, Chongwenmen, Xuanwumen, Chaoyangmen, Dongzhimen, Fuchengmen, Xizhimen, Andingmen and Deshengmen) to the seven outer gates (Dongbianmen, Guangqumen, Xibianmen, Guang¡¯ anmen, Yongdingmen, Zuoanmen and Youanmen) and out into the suburbs, Beijing now covers an area of about 750 square kilometers, which includes a dozen new living districts built on the outskirts of town. 问题分析：首先，这句话存在明显的逗号句错误。其次，这十六道门是否有必要在此一一列出？ 13. Large¨C scale construction has been undertaken along the Third Ring Road and the fourth Ring Road. 问题分析：为何the Third Ring Road中的Third第一个字母大写，而the fourth Ring Road中的fourth却不大写？随意性太强。 14. Future development in Beijing will continue to preserve the symmetry of the old city layout while integrating modern architectural design into the over¨Call plan. 问题分析：这句话受中式思维影响明显，主谓搭配不当，还存在垂悬修饰语（dangling modifier）问题。 |
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三、Introduction部分存在的问题 该文本字数为458，特点是长句多，但层次不分明，语意重心不突出，让读者如坠雾中。 1. By 2000, the PRC had undergone a glorious yet tortuous course of 50 years, amid great changes in Chinese society. 问题分析：这句话存在表达累赘问题，属于死译。the PRC和Chinese society有什么区别吗？完全可以简化为By 2000, the PRC had undergone a glorious yet tortuous course of 50 years with great changes. 2. In accordance with Deng Xiaoping's theory of building socialism with Chinese characteristics, the 13th National Congress of the CPC, held in 1987, adopted the strategy of three stages for China's economic construction: First, doubling the GNP of 1980 to end shortages of food and clothing, which was basically completed at the end of the 1980s; second, quadrupling the GNP of 1980 by the end of the century, which was achieved in 1995, ahead of schedule. Thus, the Chinese government worked out the Ninth Five-Year Plan for National Economic and Social Development and the Long-Term Objectives for the Year 2010, which put forward new objectives: Those for the Ninth Five-Year Plan (1996-2000) were as follows: Complete the second phase of the strategic plan for the modernization drive in an all-round way and quadruple the per capita GNP of 1980 in 2000, when the population will have increased by about 300 million over that of 1980; raise the people's living standard to that of a fairly comfortable life, with poverty practically eradicated; and expedite the formulation of a modern enterprise system and initially establish the basis of a socialist market economy. Third, basically realizing modernization in the mid 21st century, the GDP per capita reaching the level of the moderately developed countries, and people living a well-off life. 问题分析：这里存在许多问题。首先，这段的第一句话提到three stages（三个阶段），紧接着后面却只列出了两个stages，而第三个stage出现在最后一句话，中间插入了一个长长的其他句子，明显不符合英语思维，也让读者苦不堪言。而且，第三个stage是用分词短语来表达的，本来如果与前面两个stage放在一起，那么在结构上是平行的。但现在既然单独成句，就应该使用句子。所以电脑显示绿线，告诉我们这个句子属于片段句错误。第二，Thus, the Chinese government worked out the Ninth Five-Year Plan for National Economic and Social Development and the Long-Term Objectives for the Year 2010, which put forward new objectives: Those for the Ninth Five-Year Plan (1996-2000) were as follows: Complete the second phase of the strategic plan for the modernization drive in an all-round way and quadruple the per capita GNP of 1980 in 2000, when the population will have increased by about 300 million over that of 1980; raise the people's living standard to that of a fairly comfortable life, with poverty practically eradicated; and expedite the formulation of a modern enterprise system and initially establish the basis of a socialist market economy.这个句子不仅结构非常别扭，而且存在基本语法错误，一个句子中中竟然出现两个冒号：which put forward new objectives: Those for the Ninth Five-Year Plan (1996-2000) were as follows:。上述问题的存在，在于译者完全是按照中文原文的顺序翻译的，没有从篇章的角度进行处理。中译英一般是以句子为单位，但有时需要从篇章的层面进行调整，以符合英语思维习惯。 四、社会主义市场经济 该文本单词总数为839。 1. At the beginning of the 1980s, the reform of the credit and loan mechanism, beginning with "unified plan, multi-level control, connection of deposits with loans, and being responsible for making up differences" developed in accordance with the ratio between assets and debts, and eliminating the limits for the sizes of loans. 问题分析：and eliminating the limits for the sizes of loans与句子的哪一部分形成并列关系？存在语法问题。 2. In 1999, China had 1,800 China stores, over 2,000 various flea markets, over 1,000 leasing enterprises, and over 1,000 auction enterprises. 问题分析：刚读完这句话，笔者百思不得其解China stores（中国店）是什么意思。后来推测可能是拼写错误，应该是chain stores（连锁商店）。 3. But since the start of the reform and opening, along with the expansion of the commodity market scale and the change of the relations between commodity supply and demand, the state has carried out price reform step by step and according to plan. 问题分析：step by step and according to plan这两者之间不应该是并列关系。 4. The fixing of prices by the state follows three forms: the fixing of price by the state, state guiding prices and market regulatory prices. 问题分析：这句话存在两个主要问题。首先，从语法上来说，the fixing of price by the state与state guiding prices和market regulatory prices结构上不平行，而且state guiding prices 和 market regulatory prices本身也存在语法问题（一般使用state-guided price和market- regulated price，后面相应的表达方式建议作类似改进）。其次，这句话的语意重心在于说明价格的确定，而且第三种形式不是属于国家定价，而是市场定价。因此建议全句改为The prices are fixed in three ways: set by the state, guided by the state or regulated by the market. 5. Comparing 1998 with 1978, the index of the retail sales prices of rural industrial products increased by 3.88 times; and the index of the synthetic relative prices between industrial and agricultural commodities was 59.7 percent. 问题分析：首先，从语法上来说，Comparing 1998 with 1978属于英语作文中的dangling modifier错误。第二，synthetic relative prices似乎存在用词不当问题。 6. Besides, the price scissors in the exchange of industrial products for agricultural products were alleviated. 问题分析：笔者对经济学术语不是很了解，不知price scissors是什么意思？ 结束语 从以上分析可知，尽管北京市政府网站英文网页质量相对于广西壮族自治区政府的英文网页要好很多，但问题依然不少，不容忽视。希望本文能推动北京市政府英文网页今后得到不断完善。 |
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