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conquerus

铜虫 (正式写手)

[交流] 谁能帮我修改下面英文的的错误(赠送5个金币)

1. Here is an email from a secretary to a student studying a course at a language school.
How could this email be not only corrected, but written better and more professionally.   

Dear Wen,

here comes your new feedbacks. Please find it in the attachment.

As you can see, our expert is being very strict with you as time pass by.
we really hope to help you get your goal in March.

Thus, please follow the suggestions and try your best.

As usual, if you have any question, please feel free to call me.

Jake

2. Could you help me to correct the mistakes in the dialogue:

Ryan        It’s really hot at moment…is it usually this hot on the summer in China?
Jade        Yes in many part of China it can be very hot in the summer…particularly in the cities like Beijing and Shanghai. I think it is too hot in the summer and I would to prefer to be somewhere colder. I am originally from the far north of China where it is colder so I do not enjoy the heat so much. I try to come back to my home sometimes for part summer.
Ryan        This is my first summer here so I am not used  the heat either. I am originall from Northern Europe and it is much cooler there. What is the winter like here in Beijing?
Jade        The winter in Beijing is often very colder, but it is colder in my own hometown than Beijing. Though Beijing is such dry in winter, I do like spending winters here.  In spite of the cold, winter is my favourite season.
Ryan        That’s interesting. A lot of people prefer summer for winter.
Jade         Yes, I know! I think I prefer the winter because I can always keep myself warm by wearing more clothes, but in summer, when it is hot, it is difficult to cool down. I really like it when it snows in winter because everywhere looks so beautiful.
Ryan                Yes the winter can be really beautiful. Where do you like to go in winter?
Jade         I like to go to lots of different place…I really like going to places where you can see the snow and ice mixed with nature.

Ryan                So are there any specifically activities you like to do in the wintertime?
Jade        Well, apart from just looking at the local sights I like to go ice skating. When it is very cold and snowingly a lot then there are many places you are able skate on the water, which is really fun. It can be a little danger but still very great fun.
Ryan                Where do you like to go ice skating? Are there any good places in Beijing?
Jade         Well sometimes Houhai is very good for skating in the winter. It is a big lake in the middle of Beijing and when it snows it looks very beautiful. The lake is safe to skate on and many people go there…there is a real party atmosphere.
Ryan                Sounds great. Do you skate when it is not winter?
Jade        I sometimes go to an indoor ice-skating rink in the summer, although it is not nearly as beautiful as skating outdoors in natural surroundings, though.
Ryan        How often do you go skating when it is winter?
Jade        Well, there are not always a lot of opportunity to go skate because depending on how cold it gets and if the ice is thicker enough. I usually get to skate maybe three or four times every time winter, although last winter it was much warmer and I only got to skate one time.
Ryan        It must be really beautiful skating there in the winter. Do you take photographs when you go?
Jade        Yes I really like to took photographs when I go to different place. I have hundreds of pictures from my visits to culture and history sights. But my bigger passion is to take  pictures of nature things, so I always make sure I take pictures in the different season each year.
Ryan                What sort of camera do you use?
Jade        I oftenly use a digital camera take pictures, but I also like use a tradition camera, in spite the drawbacks of have to take the films to a shop and wait for them to be develop.  A digital camera is more convenience, yes, but a tradition camera has a special charming.  I like to use both of these both.
Ryan        Have you ever thought of displaying or sell your pictures?
Jade        Actually, recently, I have send my pictures to a few magazines and some have been used, but mostly I take them for own collection and not for money…I just like to have the pictures as memory of my travels.
Ryan                How many pictures do you think you have?
Jade         I think maybe a few thousand pictures since I got my digital camera three years ago. But I have perhaps twenty or thirty really special pictures that I keep in frames.
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hannalf200336

铜虫 (小有名气)

2.Though Beijing is pretty dry in winter, I do like spending winters here.
   In spite of the coldness, winter is my favourite season.
   because  it looks so beautiful everywhere.
   I like to go to lots of different places…I really like going to places where you
     can see the beautiful scenary of snow and ice.
   snowing a lot then there are many places you are able to skate.
   which is really full of fun. It can be a little dangerous but still with very great
       fun
   although it is not nearly as beautiful as skating outdoors in natural
    surroundings. although与though不能重复使用
   because it depends on how cold it is and the thickness of the ice
    every winter.
3楼2008-02-26 11:18:53
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hannalf200336

铜虫 (小有名气)

1.As you can see, our expert is being very strict with you as time passes by.
2. is it as hot as usuall  in China?
    I prefer to be somewhere colder
    I am from the far north of China where it is colder so I do not get used to   
      the weather here.
    I usually come back home in summer holiday escaping from the hot weather
      here.
    I am not used to the heat either.
    The winter in Beijing is often very cold.
2楼2008-02-26 10:10:49
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hannalf200336

铜虫 (小有名气)

when I go to different places
I have hundreds of pictures concerning cultural and historic sights
But my dream is to take  pictures of natural things, so I always make sure that
   I take pictures in different seasons every year.
I oftenly use a digital camera taking pictures, but I also like use a tradition   
   camera,  in spite of the weakness of having to take the films to a shop and
   waiting for them to be developed.
I like to use both of these.
I have sent my pictures to a few magazines
4楼2008-02-26 11:32:03
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hannalf200336

铜虫 (小有名气)

★ ★ ★ ★ ★
conquerus(金币+5,VIP+0):thanks
基本上错误改完了,你有很强的言语交际欲望和能力,但是有些粗心。大部分你的语句是通畅并符合英语习惯的,但是你犯了很多不该犯的语法错误,比如单复数,动词过去分词的变化,一次在句子中用两次。很愿意帮助你,但是你在发帖之前也应该好好检查一下,你说呢。祝你英语学的更好。
5楼2008-02-26 11:35:41
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