[交流] You are the sixth.You are the last

Who I loved, was a girl from college. I wasn't exactly close to her, but with some superficial facts and a few interactions over a semester, you know like most guys fantasizing over a girl they barely know, I filled in the blanks like a fairytale author. And who she became in my head was probably more than the reality. She was a third year. A sorority girl. Yeah, and I was an infatuated freshman, sure, but the several times we got to spend together outside of class, it really allowed me to see she also had a good heart and a bright spirit. The only problem was, so did just about every other guy. And while she turned me down nicely, I swear there were times when it seemed like the cliché sorority girl may have felt something for the typical, awkward freshman.
What I loved, was an old friend. But she was much more than just a friend. We met early in college, kept in touch through the years after. We saw each other grow and change and through multiple relationships. I saw her different boyfriends come and go. She was also there for every girlfriend and breakup of mine. Personality, humour, taste, it was all there. Her and I were almost perfect. The only thing that wasn't perfect was our timing. We were never single at the same time. What we loved about each other was never enough to leave who we were with. This is something we eventually had to face and accept. We had to leave behind what we had.
When I loved, was my first girlfriend in high school. It’s a bit unfair because she embodies the combination of both love and youth. The feeling of young love is unique and impossible to replace or replicate because we can only be that age once. High school is a time of innocence, discovery, and adventure. We shared these three elements together in things like our first kiss, late nights sneaking out, matinee movies - all of which now have become a nostalgic love, preserved in a time that neither of us can touch but know is there. Even though we were just kids, there’s not a doubt in my mind that we were there, we were in love.
Where I loved was the girl I met in Los Angeles. I never intended to stay there that long. It was just a 6 month internship after graduating. But it all changed when I met her. Soon, a year had passed, then somehow, another year after that. I couldn't leave the city. I couldn't leave her. Maybe it was my desire to be on my own or prove something to everyone back at home, but she helped me accomplish it over there, with a relationship reflective of the city we were in. A new energy, new experiences that really pushed me to mature more than anyone or anywhere else. When people ask what city I love the most, I say LA. The city where I loved the most.
Why I loved, was a close friend of mine who passed away. She told me after she was diagnosed that death was not what saddened her the most, but the fact that she never really felt like she had fallen in love. She wouldn't get to have those emotions, good and bad, of being hurt and being held. After she passed, those words stuck with me the most, teaching me to see that one of the great gifts we have of being alive is the ability to give and receive, and even lose love. There are so many like her whose lives end before having any of those experiences. What a waste if we don’t strive to love in our lives. She made me understand why. Why waste this life not loving?
- I understand now.
- You're the sixth.
- The sixth… so which one am I then?
- You are none of them… because you are all of them.
You’re who I love - the girl on the pedestal, the fantasy, the make-believe things that are actually true.
You’re what I love - the depth, the inside jokes, the best friend.
You are when I love - a new history is being started with you. We are the young lovers our older selves will someday reminisce about.
You are where I love because I’d go anywhere just to be with you.
And you are why I love, because before you, I didn't truly understand what I was looking for.Now that we've found each other, you have given my past and future meaning.
You are the sixth.You are the last.
- So, how many were there before me?
- Um.. five as well.
- What were their names?
- Who. What. When. Where. Why.