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¡¡¡¡Weak: The trees are bare. The grass is brown. The landscape seems drab. Revision:The brown grass and bare trees form a drab landscape. (ת»»ÎªÇ°Öö¨Óï)

¡¡¡¡Or: The landscape, bare and brown, begged for spring green. (ת»»Îª²¢Áнṹ×÷ºóÖö¨Óï)

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¡¡¡¡1)

¡¡¡¡Weak: The team members are good players.

¡¡¡¡Revision: The team members play well.

¡¡¡¡2)

¡¡¡¡Weak: One worker's plan is the elimination of tardiness.

¡¡¡¡Revision: One worker's plan eliminates tardiness.

¡¡¡¡3¡¢ÔÚÒÔ¡°here¡±»ò¡°there¡±¿ªÍ·µÄ¾ä×ÓÖУ¬°Ñ¡°be¡±¶¯´ÊºóµÄÃû´Ê´ú´Ê±ä³É¸Äд¾äµÄÖ÷Óï¡£ÀýÈ磺

¡¡¡¡1)

¡¡¡¡Weak: There is no opportunity for promotion.

¡¡¡¡Revision: No opportunity for promotion exists.

¡¡¡¡2)

¡¡¡¡Weak: Here are the books you ordered.

¡¡¡¡Revision: The books you ordered have arrived.

¡¡¡¡¶þ¡¢¶àÓÃÓïÒâ¾ßÌåµÄ¶¯´Ê£¬±£³Ö¾äÒâ¼ò½àÃ÷ÁË¡£ÀýÈ磺

¡¡¡¡1¡¢

¡¡¡¡Poor: My supervisor went past my desk.

¡¡¡¡Better: My supervisor sauntered (=walked slowly) past my desk.

¡¡¡¡2¡¢

¡¡¡¡Poor: She is a careful shopper.

¡¡¡¡Better: She compares prices and quality.

¡¡¡¡Èý¡¢¾¡Á¿ÔËÓÃÖ÷¶¯Óï̬¡£ÀýÈ磺

¡¡¡¡1¡¢

¡¡¡¡Weak: The organization has been supported by charity.

¡¡¡¡Better: Charity has supported the organization.

¡¡¡¡2¡¢

¡¡¡¡Weak: The biscuits were stacked on a plate.

¡¡¡¡Better: Mother stacked the biscuits on a plate.

¡¡¡¡ËÄ¡¢·ÀֹʹÓÃÓïÒâÈß³¤ÀÛ׸µÄ´ÊÓï¡£ÀýÈ磺

¡¡¡¡1¡¢

¡¡¡¡Wordy: My little sister has a preference for chocolate milk.

¡¡¡¡Improved: My little sister prefers chocolate milk.

¡¡¡¡2¡¢

¡¡¡¡Wordy: We are in receipt of your letter and intend to follow your recommendations.

¡¡¡¡Improved: We have received your letter and intended to follow your recommendation.

¡¡¡¡3¡¢

¡¡¡¡Redundant: We had a serious crisis at school yesterday when our chemistry laboratory caught fire.

¡¡¡¡Improved: We had a crisis at school yesterday when our chemistry laboratory caught fire.

¡¡¡¡4¡¢

¡¡¡¡Redundant: My sister and I bought the same, identical dress in different stores.

¡¡¡¡Improved: My sister and I bought the same dress in different stores.

¡¡¡¡Îå¡¢¶Å¾øÀÄÓó¾ɴÊÓï»òÄѶ®µÄרҵÊõÓï¡£ÀýÈ磺

¡¡¡¡1¡¢

¡¡¡¡Weak: They will not agree to his proposals in any shape or form.

¡¡¡¡Improved: They will not agree to any of his proposals.

¡¡¡¡2¡¢

¡¡¡¡Weak: I need her financial input before I can guesstimate our expenditures next fall.

¡¡¡¡Improved: I need her financial figures before I can estimate our expenditures next fall.
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