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jiaoyg

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[交流] 第一篇托福作文，肯定斧正指点

Patience is usually not a good strategy. People should take action now rather than later.

Some people hold that patience is usually not a good strategy. However, other people disagree with the statement. In their opinions, it is better to adopt action from now on. As for me, I think that whether to take action now or later depends different situations.

In some cases, taking action quickly has great advantages. If you want to study harder to improve your school performance and become one of the best student in your class, then you should make a detailed schedule and start your action as soon as possible. Many people are so lazy that they would choose to make a plan and do it several days later and eventually they will forget their plan and be a poor student for ever.
However, in some other situations, it is better to be patient. If you and your friend make a appointment that you will meet at 5’ clock before the local movie theater to watch a latest movie together and he/she didn’t show up on time and It is better for you to wait patiently and telephone him/her to inquire about his/her reasons for being late. If you are not patient to wait for him/her and blame him on it, he/she will think you are not a reliable friend and it will ruin your friendship.
Also, as for making big decision, we should be careful and spend some time to weigh the advantages and disadvantages and even ask for advice from people who have made the similar decision. In this case, a quick decision is often wrong and you must be patient. For example, when you want to change a job, you have to confer with your wife/husband because your decision will probably have a significant effect on the family income and you can avoid unnecessary troubles as they maybe will provide some useful information.
In conclusion, it is inappropriate to say that which option is better. In some cases, you have to take actions from now on. In some other situation, you’d better be patient and adopt action carefully.

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1楼 2012-06-10 10:00:36

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libojlu

金虫 (小有名气)

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★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
jiaoyg: 金币+5, 非常感谢指点，拍砖拍的好 2012-06-12 20:17:54
yyman660: 金币+3, 谢谢建议!欢迎常来 2012-06-14 23:42:38
jiaoyg: 金币+3 2012-06-15 09:58:53

首先说明一点你的句法过于中国化，建议适当搭配，不要追求一些中国式的长，可以用分句代替部分从句。其次，你的举例没有一个有说服力，记住一点自己身边的例子是没有例子的例子，除非你相关方面的专家或者什么的，最好是被公认的例子，并且还要对例子进行分析。最后虽然中间的观点很好，但是不要公式化的写，还是得有自己的创新点。

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5楼2012-06-11 22:33:59

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benovence

至尊木虫 (著名写手)

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
yyman660: 金币+3, 谢谢建议！ 2012-06-10 11:00:29
yyman660: 金币+3, 谢谢建议！ 2012-06-10 11:02:38
yyman660: 金币-3, 网络问题，多给了3个金币，扣回 2012-06-10 11:03:05
jiaoyg: 金币+10, ★★★很有帮助, 非常感谢指点！ 2012-06-10 22:46:06

注意些固定搭配，单复数。开通模板很明显，建议不要用模板。
动名词做主语，可试着换成强调句，或it做形式主语。连接词多换换，因为、但是、接着什么多替换成不同的。宾语从句引导词得注意下。
介词引导的短语，可用倒装，尽量不要用同一类介词短语，比如in some cases

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2楼2012-06-10 10:59:23

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