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why??? what can i do?
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His sudden call arose my peaceful heart, reminding me of the impression my roommate once said that there was still a place for him. I am wondering whether it is true. Where am I, in dilemma? I loved him in the first sight when I was a middle school student, and never stopped to try in my life, expecting to be marched with the one. However, he is the pure pearl without dirt while I am getting bad so that I will not reach him any more in my last life. I told him that I did not love him at the time, which was painful but would be the best way to save our friendship. Many years later, I find I am wrong, although I think my heart feel unconcerned with his matters, it turns out to be the other side. Any time he called me, I would be pleased for a long time. Things are going wrong thoroughly. I have one in my life that is behind me wherever I am. I told everyone he was left in my heart several years ago, but I cannot just let it go. Sometimes, I think maybe it would be another scene if I had encouraged myself to show my heart to him. Nevertheless, what shall I do now? I hope to be fair to my boyfriend, but I just cannot calm down when his shadow appear in my mind. Every now and then, I said to myself that I could do that. But I cannot cheat myself when BF asked me who in my heart was the handsomest, I lied. To that, I feel inner guilty so that I try to be more kind to my boyfriend, which he will never know it is the transaction. I am happy with BF with no doubt. Just I don't know where the hell my heart is! Who can tell me? |
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