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chshy1234

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[求助] 急，求雅思作文复议分析！！

为申请国外读博，已经参加3次雅思考试了，作文都是5.5，很受打击。由于学校要求的雅思成绩是听说读写每门都至少6分，总分6.5，可是现在觉得作文6分对我来说是个很大的坎难以逾越。最近的一次是9.3 听说读写 7.5 6.5 6.5 5.5，又一次倒在作文上了。这是我的9.3雅思大作文（根据回忆写的，应该基本差不多），小作文考的是柱状图，感觉写的还行，可是这次作文依然是5.5。打算复议，请大家帮忙看看这样的作文该不该复议呢？？题目：The qualities that a person needs to become truly successful cannot be learned at university or in a similar educational institution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

我的作文：

The issue of whether the qualities that the public need to succeed can be acquired at university has sparked off an intense debate. A certain proportion of the public maintain that these qualities cannot be learned in educational institution. Two convincing evidence will be provided to justify why I oppose this viewpoint.

It is widely accepted that cooperation and team working skills can be cultivated at colleges. For example, there are a host of studying activities such as group discussions in which students can learn to cooperate with other students, which is quite essential to their future career in society. Besides, not only university includes schoolwork, it also offer a variety of outdoor activities .A case in point is basketball game, there is a real sense of team working, which encourages players to strive and win those matches. There is no denying that university plays a vital role in fostering necessary qualities.

Admittedly, the important role of society in promoting a person’ well-rounded development cannot be ignored. For instance, the public may encounter some practical problems that they do not know when they are studying at universities, therefore they need their leaders’ guidance to tackle those difficult problems. However, university can provide their students with opportunities to work in their future factories for a period in their learning processes. Only in this way, students can successfully face up to their future jobs after their graduation.

To conclude, university play a key role in training a person’s qualities. Nevertheless, I am convinced that university should equip their students with practical opportunities to promote their well-rounded development.

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为理想而奋斗！！！

1楼 2011-09-22 16:35:24

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aeon8868

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【答案】应助回帖

chshy1234(金币+3): 2011-10-14 19:41:26

我同样作文5.5，也是差半分，感觉很不爽。复议也没把握。。
从用词和句型上看楼主的作文应该是下功夫准备过的，我的作文考前没好好准备。抱着求教的态度提一下我的看法，和楼主共同进步共同讨论：
我没看明白楼主说的Two convincing evidence ，第一个是It is widely accepted that cooperation and team working skills can be cultivated at colleges；第二个是这个吗？:Besides, not only university includes schoolwork, it also offer a variety of outdoor activities.
如果这两个是主要的论据，是否应该多写一些，占到文章主体呢。后面的Admittedly一段是个补充，是否可以精简一下。。
整篇文章的结构我觉得不太清晰。。也许是俺没跟上楼主的思路。请楼主解释一下。
作文菜鸟飘过。。。。
作文貌似是中国孩子们的集体硬伤啊，5.5分作文受限的大有人在啊。我不太指望复议了，对自己的作文水平确实没啥自信。。咋能写好雅思作文呢。。。