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[求助]
求助：希望哪位大虾好心帮俺改改托福的独立写作~~大谢了
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希望能帮我改改IBT作文~~能给分，纠错和提意见 太谢谢了~~~！！ do you agree or disagree with the following statement? people should insist on a challenging plan rather than a practical plan! With a systematic plan people can get a more successful and organized life. However, there is conflicting opinions. Some people insist it is of great benefit on a challenging plan. Meanwhile those who strongly disagree with it believe that a practical plan is more important. From my prospective, the former is more favorable. Admittedly, practical plans might have positive effect in some aspects. For instance, people can obtain supports from others easier. With a practical plan, companies can provide to banks with a more detailed progress of a program and the profits from it. By analyzing the circumstantial presentation, the banks would make sure to give a loan to the companies. Also children would accumulate the support more strongly from parents through making a practical plans for new semester. However the advantages of challenge plans are more important than those of practical plans. Firstly, people can gain more knowledge by carrying out a challenging plan. The story of Marco Polo can testify my point. In 1271, a young Italian man called Marco Polo followed his father and uncle to travel from Europe to China by horsing. In the trip, they suffer a lot from the desert where were so sterile that there is deficient water and food for them. In addition, they were even attacked by robbers. Finally Marco Polo arrived the destination ancient China. In China he learned Menggu language and Chinese. He also got the chance to study how to make earthenware and silk. After 24 years, he came back Italy and wrote a book named the travel of Marco Polo. The challenging plan can provide people a few chances for gain knowledge we never know. Secondly, challenging plan can promote the scientific development. The invention of telephone serves as a good example. In the past it is difficult for people to keep contact with family members and friends far away. Everyone wanted a convenient way of communication and transmitting information. However, as a result of lacking technological and material conditions, it was thought impossible. The American scientist Bell insisted this great challenging plan and experienced a lot of experiments. Finally he succeeded by using the electric magnetic iron to transform electric signal into sound signal. This advent provides a brand new way for people to communicate. No one can deny that there are a great number of realizations of challenging plans which propel the scientific development, Such as the advent of planes, internet and so on. With many challenging plans come true, the development of scientific in various fields improve rapidly, which also brings great convenient to people’s daily life. Although I agree that there may be some advantages of practical plans, I feel the advantages of challenging plans are more obvious. It is more important for us to stick to challenging plans by which we can develop knowledge and develop science. [ Last edited by 既傻又憨 on 2011-9-3 at 15:19 ] |
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- 求大侠们推荐一个修改托福作文的软件或网站。。。
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既傻又憨
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【答案】应助回帖
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个人觉得前面说第一个观点的时候，你表达了自己的观点后就简单举了两个例子。 The story of Marco Polo can testify my point 个人觉得testify这个词用在这里不是很合适 a young Italian man called Marco Polo 改成a young Italian named Marco Polo 整体感觉就是对题目中的正反两个观点剖析的不够，你都是简单的给出观点后用事例论证了。个人觉得适当的增加对文中论点后面的信息就行剖析，然后再举一些事例支持你的观点比较好。 PS：个人愚见，不用给金币了！ [ Last edited by 既傻又憨 on 2011-9-3 at 16:47 ] |
2楼2011-09-03 16:43:02
3楼2011-09-03 19:56:10
感谢参与，应助指数 +1
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4楼2011-12-29 10:45:18