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英语双关幽默集
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英语双关幽默集 1) Customer: Do you serve crabs（螃蟹） here? Waiter: We serve anyone, sit right down. （serve: a.招待；b. 提供，供应） 2) A: What would happen if an eye doctor came into the classroom? B: He'd check the pupils. （pupil: a. 瞳孔； b. 小学生） 3) Passenger: Is this my train? Conductor: No, sir. It belongs to the railway company. Passenger: Don't be funny. Can I take this train to New York? Conductor: No, sir, it's much too heavy. （take: a. 搭乘； b. 拿走） 4) Mother: Your hair needs cutting badly. Daughter: I think it needs cutting nicely, it was cut badly last time. （badly: a. 非常； b. 坏） 5) Customer: Waiter, I'm in a hurry. Will the girdle cakes(烙饼) be long? Waiter: No, sir, round. （long: a. 长时间； b. 长的） 6) A: What's the matter with your thumb (大拇指)? B: I hit the wrong nail. （nail: a. 指甲； b. 钉子） 7) A: I have a job in a watch factory. B: What do you do? A: Just stand around and make faces. （make face: a. 制造表盘；b. 作鬼脸） 8) A: I think your son is spoiled. B: I completely disagree with you. A: Well, come out and see what a steam roller just did to him. （spoil: a. 伤害； b. 宠坏） 9) Dinner: Waiter, this soup is spoiled. Waiter: Who told you. Dinner: A little sallow. （swallow: a. 吞咽； b. 小燕子） 10) A: What has eighteen legs and catches flies? B: A baseball team. （fly: a. 苍蝇； b. 棒球中的飞球） 11) Teacher: What makes the Tower of Pisa lean? Student: Because it never sits down to eat. （lean: a. 倾斜； b. 瘦弱） 12) A: Which runs faster, heat or cold? B: Heat runs faster, because you can easily catch cold. （cold: a. 冷；b. 与catch一起表示“感冒”） 13) A: What trees does fire have no effect on? B: Ashes. （ashes: a. 白蜡树，桉树； b. 灰烬 ） 14) A: Why doesn’t a carpenter(木匠) believe there is a stone? B: Because they never saw one. （saw: a. 看见； b. 锯） 15) A: Why is a restless man in bed like a lawyer? B: Because he lies on one side, then turns around and lies on the other. （lie: a. 躺着； b. 撒谎） 16) A: Why are tall men lazy? B: Because they lie long. （lie long: a. 长时间睡； b. 躺下时显得长） 17) Jugde: Tell me why you parked there. Driver: Because, Your Honor, it said “Fine for Parking” （fine: a. 好的； b. 罚款） 18) Teacher: Tommy, you missed school yesterday, didn't you? Tommy: Not a bit, teacher! （miss: a. 想念； b. 错过，缺课） 19) A: My uncle kissed me. B: How nice! Did you kiss him back, dear? A: Of course not. I kissed his face. （back: a. 回复； b. 后背） 20) A: Tom, you know you can't sleep in class. B: I know, sir. But maybe I could, if you were a little quieter. （can’t: a. 不许；b. 没法，不能） 21) A: Why did the man put wheels on his rocking chair? B: Because he wanted to rock and roll. （to rock and roll是跳摇滚舞。但在这儿，摇rock 的是rocking chair，滚 roll的是 wheels。这就造成了一句双关的趣味。） 22) A: At what time of day was Adam born? B: Just before Eve. （Eve: a. 晚间； b. 夏娃） 23) A: How many feet are in a yard? B: It depends on how many people are standing in it. （feet: a. 英尺； b. 脚） 24) A: What kind of man can raise things without lifting them? B: A farmer. He can raise pigs, chickens and so on without lifting them. （raise: a. 提高，使升高； b. 喂养） 25) A: What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle? B: The ground. （hard: a. 难的； b. 硬的） 26) A: What's the hardest thing about learning skating? B: The ice. （hard: a. 难的； b. 硬的） 27) A: Why do some old people never use glasses? B: They must like bottles very much. （glasses: a. 眼镜； b. 玻璃杯） 28) A: Why is it useless to send a letter to Washington? B: Because he's dead. （Washington: a. 人名； b. 地名） 29) A: Why is an empty matchbox the best thing to have in the world？ B: Because it is matchless. （matchless: a. 没有火柴的；b. 举世无双的） 30) A: Why did Little Tom put his brother's guitar in the refrigerator？ B: Because he enjoyed cool music. （cool: a. 酷的； b. 冷） 31) A: What stays hot even if put in a fridge？ B: Pepper. （hot: a. 辣的； b. 热的） 32) A: What month do soldiers hate? B: March （March: a. 三月； b. 行军） 33) A: Why is an empty purse always the same? B: Because there is no change in it. （change: a. 零钱； b. 变化） 34) A: What book has the most stirring chapters? B: A cook book. （stirring: a. 动人的； b. 搅拌的） 35) A: What kind of water should people drink in order to be healthy? B: Drink well water. （well: a. 井水； b. 健康的） 36) A: How do we know the ocean is friendly? B: It waves. （wave: a. 起波浪； b. 招手致意） 37) A: Why is the library the highest building? B: It has the most stories. （story: a. 故事； b. 楼层） 38) A: What do lawyers do when they die？ B: Lie still. （lie still: a. 静静地躺着； b. 仍然撒谎） 39) A: What’s the difference between the North Pole and the South Pole? B: The whole world. （difference: a. 不同； b. 差距） 40) A: What is the difference between the rising and setting sun? B: A day. （difference: a. 不同； b. 差距） |
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