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hummer荣誉版主 (职业作家)
人美在羽毛，鸟美在心灵
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hummer写作文 ISSUE88——觉得不好写啊
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技术进步对人类影响类——ISSUE 88 技术类高频第四：考过52次 88“Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics.” 技术不仅仅影响而且实际上是决定了社会传统和道德规范。 属于技术进步之社会影响 POSITION: part agree OUTLINE: 1. Position 2. Technologies cannot determine social customs 3. Technologies cannot determine ethics 4. In sum 正文： In retrospect of human being’s history, we will notice the fact that, the social customs and ethics are changing along with times. The speaker also holds the viewpoint that influence of technology result in such change and contends are the technologies determined social customs and ethics. I concede the technical advancement has some effect on social customs and ethics. Beyond this concession, I think technologies still in lack of capacity to judge social customs and ethics. Admittedly, nowadays society is full with various changes, especially technological changes. Technologies tend to greatly influence people’s life, thus partly influencing their way of thinking, which casts impacts on the social customs, but technologies cannot determine social customs. It just only makes changes to them. For instance, Internet, which is one of the 20th century’s products with a very short history, has changed our life greatly. People can communicate with each other by chatting on line, writing emails or other ways instead of face-to-face contact. that is to say, people may spend more time sitting in front of their computers than visiting their friends or staying with their families in their spare time. It is a great change in social customs of daily life. However, some social customs such as holding parties, celebrating important festivals with family members still be preserved. After all, the longstanding customs are full of friendship and love, which are human’s topics that stand forever, if Internet substitute for them entirely, maybe human will be substituted for robots, too. Some customs have deeply penetrated into people’s flood; as a result technologies could not change them. The same as ethics, they are hardly changed under the influence of technologies. The society is a concourse of individuals while people determine technologies, in other words, ethics determine technologies in s sense. People who stand firmly to some ethics will not allow the technologies against their ethics to be developed or applied. For instance the technologies of clone can be used to demonstrate the standpoint vividly. No one can disbelieve the fact that clone is a landmark of technologies, which breaks through the limit of genetics. However, governments and even most scientists oppose developing clone technology further after having operated a few experiments on some animals such as the first clone sheep named Doney. In the United States, president Clinton imposed a ban on clone research because it is against the ethics. On the assumption that clone is admitted, millions of people will have one or more siblings sharing the same appearance and mind. It will be extremely difficult to identify which is the original one, how to communicate with them, to our ethics it means a chaos .So, when technologies collide with ethics, the former will submit to the latter. To sum up, from the above mention reasons and examples, we can conclude that technology influences but not determines our customs and ethics. It is most important for us to realize this point, since we should utilize technology to the most and at the same time we should not be controlled by technology itself. Only by this means can we achieve a free and bright future. |
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In retrospect of human being’s history, we will<既然是the fact，就不要用will吧，显得言之确凿> notice the fact that, the social customs and ethics are changing along with times. The speaker also holds the viewpoint that influence of technology result in such change and contends are the technologies determined social customs and ethics.<与前半句同意重复，且有语法错误> I concede the technical advancement has some effect on social customs and ethics. Beyond this concession, I think technologies still in lack of capacity to judge social customs and ethics.<这两句很好> Admittedly, nowadays society is full with various changes, especially technological changes. Technologies tend to greatly influence people’s life, thus partly influencing their way of thinking, which casts impacts on the social customs, but technologies cannot determine social customs. It just only makes changes to them. <与前句同意重复> For instance, Internet, which is one of the 20th century’s products with a very short history, has changed our life greatly. People can communicate with each other by chatting on line, writing emails or other ways instead of face-to-face contact. that <低级错误> is to say, people may spend more time sitting in front of their computers than visiting their friends or staying with their families in their spare time. It is a great change in social customs of daily life. However, some social customs such as holding parties, celebrating important festivals with family members still be preserved. After all, the longstanding customs are full of friendship and love, which are human’s topics that stand forever, if <上一句已经完整，应用句号> Internet substitute for them entirely, maybe human will be substituted for robots, too. Some customs have deeply penetrated into people’s flood; as a result technologies could not change them. <论证力度不够，展开不充分。表现为：段首主题句采用简单的判断句，不足以使人信服。接下来举例子，两个方面基本平行——internet影响了customs、longstanding customs不受影响，导致逻辑层次不够丰富，影响了论证的力度。可以考虑如——although internet看似影响了customs, but^_^实际上基本的底层的customs仍然未变，比如internet phone，只是多了一种延续customs的手段而已> The same as ethics <这一段该说ethics了，应该the same as customs吧？>, they are hardly changed under the influence of technologies. The society is a concourse of individuals while people determine technologies, in other words, ethics determine technologies in s sense. People who stand firmly to some ethics will not allow the technologies against their ethics to be developed or applied. For instance the technologies of clone can be used to demonstrate the standpoint vividly. No one can disbelieve the fact that clone is a landmark of technologies, which breaks through the limit of genetics. However, governments and even most scientists oppose developing clone technology further after having operated a few experiments on some animals such as the first clone sheep named Doney. In the United States, president Clinton imposed a ban on clone research because it is against the ethics. On the assumption that clone is admitted, millions of people will have one or more siblings sharing the same appearance and mind. It will be extremely difficult to identify which is the original one, how to communicate with them, to our ethics it means a chaos .So, when technologies collide with ethics, the former will submit to the latter. <例子很好。若能简化处理一下，使得文章显得紧凑。> To sum up, from the above mention reasons and examples, we can conclude that technology influences but not determines our customs and ethics. It is most important for us to realize this point, since we should utilize technology to the most and at the same time we should not be controlled by technology itself. Only by this means can we achieve a free and bright future. <末句有点空对空的意思。最后一段总结最好做一下前两段论述的概括> <最终印象： 从2个到1个到没有，每天都有进步，语法上的毛病虽然小，可是要重视，标点也是如此。 此外，论证以及全文的逻辑结构要严谨，并非是字数越多越好。 表逻辑意义的连词准备一些，好让论证时显得有条理。> |
3楼2006-07-11 23:16:57
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88“Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics.” 技术不仅仅影响而且实际上是决定了社会传统和道德规范。 属于技术进步之社会影响 POSITION: part agree OUTLINE: 1. Position 2. Technologies cannot determine social customs 3. Technologies cannot determine ethics 4. In sum 正文： In retrospect of human being’s history, we will notice the fact that, the social customs and ethics are changing along with times. The speaker also holds the viewpoint that influence of technology result [resulted] in such change and contends are the technologies determined social customs and ethics. I concede the technical advancement has some effect on social customs and ethics. Beyond this concession, I think technologies still in lack of capacity to judge [扣题，用detemine如何] social customs and ethics. Admittedly, nowadays society is full with [full of] various changes, especially technological changes. [这句话放在第一段比较合适。同时，原来为第二句的主题句就可以变为第一句，可以更加醒目] Technologies tend to greatly influence people’s life, thus partly influencing their way of thinking, which casts impacts on the social customs, but technologies cannot determine social customs. It just only [just和only用一个就可以] makes changes to them. For instance, Internet, which is one of the 20th century’s products with a very short history, has changed our life greatly. People can communicate with each other by chatting on line, writing emails or other ways instead of face-to-face contact. that is to say, people may spend more time sitting in front of their computers than visiting their friends or staying with their families in their spare time. It is a great change in social customs of daily life. However, some social customs such as holding parties, celebrating important festivals with family members still be preserved. After all, the longstanding customs are full of friendship and love, which are human’s topics that stand forever, if Internet substitute for them entirely, maybe human will be substituted for robots, too. Some customs have deeply penetrated into people’s flood; as a result technologies could not change them. 感觉本段，例子太长，反而减少了自己的逻辑叙述。一个整段的例子，说明的问题只能是例子本身，而想由例子来进行普遍性的论证却因此被削弱了。其实反对技术改变社会传统的例子还有其他，可以在逻辑论证的时候插入，而不要一味的只来一个例子进行论证。 The same as ethics, they are hardly changed under the influence of technologies. The society is a concourse of individuals while people determine technologies, in other words, ethics determine technologies in s sense. People who stand firmly to some ethics will not allow the technologies against their ethics to be developed or applied. For instance the technologies of clone can be used to demonstrate the standpoint vividly. No one can disbelieve the fact that clone is a landmark of technologies, which breaks through the limit of genetics. However, governments and even most scientists oppose developing clone technology further after having operated a few experiments on some animals such as the first clone sheep named Doney [Dolly]. In the United States, president Clinton imposed a ban on clone research because it is against the ethics. On the assumption that clone is admitted, millions of people will have one or more siblings sharing the same appearance and mind. It will be extremely difficult to identify which is the original one, how to communicate with them, to our ethics it means a chaos .So, when technologies collide with ethics, the former will submit to the latter. 这段的例子和逻辑论证之间的关系和上段类似。同时注意多利羊的名字叫Dolly To sum up, from the above mention reasons and examples, we can conclude that technology influences but not determines our customs and ethics. It is [加一个the] most important for us to realize this point, since we should utilize technology to the most and at the same time we should not be controlled by technology itself. Only by this means can we achieve a free and bright future. 结尾可以 |
2楼2006-07-11 22:44:41
