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跟着斑竹写作文－Issue142
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142 The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority. 今天限时写的，但还是写了50分钟，和其他几次作文相比明显质量下降很多，有待改进 提纲： 1。 权威也不是无所不知的，需要人们的质疑 2。 举出大量质疑的优点方面的例子 3。 提出质疑的前提：理性等因素 The enhancement of a society’s well-being needs collective effort from every people. Diligent work, intelligent innovations, solidarity of a steady goal etc. are all indispensable. Besides, the query to authorities also plays an important role in the well-being of a society. Since authorities are not omniscient, the supervision of people helps discover their defects thus makes it possible to correct such errors as soon as possible so that to avoid more big mistake in the future. We can find instances in many field of our society, such as science and technology, politic policies, arts etc. In the field of science and technology, innumerable steps of progress happened based on the process of questioning the authorities. Without the doubts of the compose of substance, we can not find out the truly elements that constitute atoms, molecules, polymers and so on, and thus we can not live in a world full of various new synthetical materials; without the questioning to Newton’s classic theories, we can not gain so much from nuclear energies which is based on the principles of relativity. In the field of politics, it is also questioning help to find out many problems in the society, in the laws, in the policies. Questioning makes a more democratic world, and more fair laws. Since people are the foundations of a society, authorities of jurisprudence may neglect many facts that only common people can encounter. Such as the amendment of the policies and laws to protect the right of unemployed workers of China, it is through thousands of such workers questions and advices that make these policies accomplished. In the field of education, students find out the flaws in the textbooks and in teaching methods to improve the teaching qualities. In the field of art, questioning breaks through old traditions to make innovations, such as the naissance of impressionism. However, that is not to say that anyone’s question to authorities makes benefits. Can a researcher doubt a theory just because his/her doe not understand it? Can people oppose a policy because it damages their short-term profits and have no regard for the long-term effect towards the whole society? From a comprehensive perspective, such questioning should base on the foundation of sufficient data, rational analysis, intellect thinking, or else truly experience. Otherwise, the society will get into a disordered situation rather than a well-being one. Since no one in the world is perfect and the same is true of authorities. They may ignore something that people know; they may neglect something that people notice. Questioning makes it possible to repair such flaws and correct errors, thus make a relatively smooth way to improve and progress than just rest on authorities’ limited capacities—that is the power of collective wisdom and efforts. As long as the questioning is based on the foundation of sufficient data, rational analysis, intellect thinking and truly experience, the society will become a well-being one. |
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142 The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority. 当很多人都会质疑权威的时候社会才会繁荣昌盛。 今天限时写的，但还是写了50分钟，和其他几次作文相比明显质量下降很多，有待改进 提纲：POSITION: AGREE 1。 权威也不是无所不知的，需要人们的质疑 2。 举出大量质疑的优点方面的例子 3。 提出质疑的前提：理性等因素 The enhancement of a society’s well-being needs collective effort from every people. Diligent work, intelligent innovations, solidarity of a steady goal etc. are all indispensable. Besides, the query to authorities also plays an important role in the well-being of a society.（开头段第二句建议删掉，与文章题目关系不大，本文的开头没有很好的表明出题目作者的观点，和本文作者的观点的关系） Since authorities are not omniscient, the supervision of people helps discover their defects thus makes it possible to correct such errors as soon as possible so that to avoid more big mistake in the future. We can find instances in many field of our society, such as science and technology, politic policies, arts etc. （同楼上观点，建议合并此两段）In the field of science and technology, innumerable steps of progress happened based on the process of questioning the authorities. Without the doubts of the compose of substance, we can not find out the truly elements that constitute atoms, molecules, polymers and so on, and thus we can not live in a world full of various new synthetically materials; without the questioning to Newton’s classic theories, we can not gain so much from nuclear energies which is based on the principles of relativity. In the field of politics, it is also questioning help to find out many problems in the society, in the laws, in the policies. Questioning makes a more democratic world, and more fair laws. Since people are the foundations of a society, authorities of jurisprudence may neglect many facts that only common people can encounter. Such as the amendment of the policies and laws to protect the right of unemployed workers of China, it is through thousands of such workers questions and advices that make these policies accomplished. In the field of education, students find out the flaws in the textbooks and in teaching methods to improve the teaching qualities. In the field of art, questioning breaks through old traditions to make innovations, such as the naissance of impressionism. (两段合并以后就不用再总结了，因为段首有这句话We can find instances in many field of our society, such as science and technology, politic policies, arts etc.) However, that is not to say that anyone’s question to authorities makes benefits. Can a researcher doubt a theory just because his/her doe not understand it? Can people oppose a policy because it damages their short-term profits and have no regard for the long-term effect towards the whole society? From a comprehensive perspective, such questioning should base on the foundation of sufficient data, rational analysis, intellect thinking, or else truly experience. Otherwise, the society will get into a disordered situation rather than a well-being one. （论证方面应该加一个例子来充实下你的反问句所要表达的内容） Since no one in the world is perfect and the same is true of authorities. They may ignore something that people know; they may neglect something that people notice. Questioning makes it possible to repair such flaws and correct errors, thus make a relatively smooth way to improve and progress than just rest on authorities’ limited capacities—that is the power of collective wisdom and efforts. As long as the questioning is based on the foundation of sufficient data, rational analysis, intellect thinking and truly experience, the society will become a well-being one.（注意你的文章的positiong是 agree，所以你结尾就不符合了，结尾有点part agree的意味了） |
3楼2006-07-10 15:44:30
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142 The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority. 今天限时写的，但还是写了50分钟，和其他几次作文相比明显质量下降很多，有待改进 提纲： 1。 权威也不是无所不知的，需要人们的质疑 2。 举出大量质疑的优点方面的例子 3。 提出质疑的前提：理性等因素 The enhancement of a society’s well-being needs collective effort from every people. Diligent work, intelligent innovations, solidarity of a steady goal etc. are all indispensable. Besides, the query to authorities also plays an important role in the well-being of a society. [开头应该把侧重点放在权威上，如果下文没有collective effort的论述，最好不要写，否则可能冲淡自己的立论] Since authorities are not omniscient, the supervision of people helps discover their defects thus makes it possible to correct such errors as soon as possible so that to avoid more big [用much bigger可以么？] mistake in the future. We can find instances in many field of our society, such as science and technology, politic policies, arts etc. [本段比较空虚，直接和后段合并（感觉这两段本来就应该在一起的）] In the field of science and technology, innumerable steps of progress happened based on the process of questioning the authorities. Without the doubts of the compose of substance, we can not find out the truly elements that constitute atoms, molecules, polymers and so on, and thus we can not live in a world full of various new synthetical materials; without the questioning to Newton’s classic theories, we can not gain so much from nuclear energies which is based on the principles of relativity. In the field of politics, it is also questioning [强调句？加一个that] help to find out many problems in the society, in the laws, [and] in the policies. Questioning makes a more democratic world, and more fair laws. Since people are the foundations of a society, authorities of jurisprudence may neglect many facts that only common people can encounter. Such as the amendment of the policies and laws to protect the right of unemployed workers of China, it is through thousands of such workers questions and advices that make these policies accomplished. In the field of education, students find out the flaws in the textbooks and in teaching methods to improve the teaching qualities. In the field of art, questioning breaks through old traditions to make innovations, such as the naissance of impressionism. 整段的论述后面要不要加一个结论性的句子来总结？ However, that is not to say that anyone’s question to authorities makes [can make] benefits. Can a researcher doubt a theory just because his/her [he/she] doe not understand it? Can people oppose a policy because it damages their short-term profits and have no regard for the long-term effect towards the whole society? [Can people oppose a policy because they neglect the long-term effect towards the whole society but only regard for their short-term profits?] From a comprehensive perspective, such questioning should base on the foundation of sufficient data, rational analysis, intellect thinking, or else truly experience. Otherwise, the society will get into a disordered situation rather than a well-being one. 感觉本段论证不是很深入，但是说不出问题所在，感觉是反问句的不深入所导致 Since no one in the world is perfect and the same is true of authorities.[这句和第二段首句有重复，至少要换句式Anyone in the world including the authorities is not perfect.] They may ignore something that people know; they may neglect something that people notice [分号前后两句意思完全一致（ignore=neglect），删掉一个或者更改说法]. Questioning makes it possible to repair such flaws and correct errors, thus make a relatively smooth way to improve and progress than just rest on authorities’ limited capacities—that is the power of collective wisdom and efforts. As long as the questioning is based on the foundation of sufficient data, rational analysis, intellect thinking and truly experience, the society will become a well-being one. [最后一句与前一段有重复，换一个。另外，如果以这个句子结尾的话，就要把开头改掉（就是那个collective work的开头），否则就失去了结论与立论的照应] |
2楼2006-07-10 10:18:43
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