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hummer荣誉版主 (职业作家)
人美在羽毛，鸟美在心灵
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hummer写作文 ISSUE7
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技术进步对人类影响类——ISSUE 7 技术类高频第二：考过72次 7."The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records." 摄像机可以通过如此精确而有力的纪录手段来再现当代生活，因此它已经代替书面纪录成为一种更重要的纪录手段 记录手段：现代摄象和印刷术 Position: part agree Outline: 1. First paragraph: “the coin has two sides,” 2. Second paragraph: video recording’s merits. 3. Third paragraph: video recording compare to written recording 4. Forth paragraph: video recording’s disadvantages 5. Last paragraph： In sum With the development of technology and society, the emerging of video recording is becoming an important means of documenting contemporary: preserving which benefits human being in many corner of our civilization, ranging from jury evidence supplying to daily life recording. As the coin has two sides, written records still will hold its priority than any other methods in the future we can foresee for many of its irreplaceable advantages. For the purpose of documenting temporal, comparing with conventional paper preserving way, video recording have many merits. Nowadays, the video recording supplies every aspect to record a case. Through watching video files, people can understand what has happened before more clearly and can get message quickly. For example one may try to remember precious things during a course, but fail to reach perfect that human brains have their own physiological limit to recall the very details. With the video camera, however, one may avoid such assiduous cerebration. Any detail, which needed, can be easily got for it is all the same with what really happened. Another merits lies in its small volume that enables human more convenient to carry a large content of information to anther place. And the comparatively minor merit is its flexibility: All the vivid effects shown in televisions and cinemas all due to the elaborate treatment. To imagine the modern world without such a dramatic machine, however, heavy and tedious work of documentation cannot be avoided; precious details may be lost in people's memory or mistakenly remembered to mislead others coming after. And people hardly can see lots of wonderful effects of animation or something alike such as entertainment with satisfaction. Therefore, people have been so indulged in the improvement brought by the video camera nowadays and its indispensability further ensures the overwhelming effects it has in contemporary world. Nonetheless, being overwhelming does not imply its dominating role that everything of the similar effect in the past is to be replaced. The video camera itself, of course, has some disadvantages to impede its further popularity. As far as we concerned, expressing the complex hold or view, communicating the different political stand, or persiflage the society tendency, written record, rather video camera, have more merit. For example, Shakespeare's masterpiece Hamlet and King Lear, reveal the complex humanity. Mark Twain's novel afford us a sense of picture how 19 century Mirrious area would appeared through the eyes of 10 years olds boys. Dante's divinity comedy-Iliad and Odyssey---is considered as the puberty of dream. Thinking of it, video camera just record the contemporary life without feeling, agree or disagree, but the truth of the real world is that without standards and judgments, without feeling and emotion, such complex emotion or singularity society tendency is hard to be reflected and the truth aim of recording the contemporary life will be lost. The subtle feeling in routine life, the inside psychological motion, and things all belonging to the spiritual field, can never be recognized by a mechanical record of video cameras. The feelings of someone may be even more valuable records than direct copy of the reality. All of these contribute to the fact that the written documentation is still kept long in spite of the emergence of more advanced technology. In a nutshell, it is not realistic to realize that the new method such as video cameras is more important in documentary when comparing with written materials. Both of the video one and written one are of much use in our life, so we can decide when to use and which to use in the very conditions |
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With the development of technology and society, the emerging of video recording is becoming an important means of documenting contemporary[漏了life，contemporary作名词指同时代的人]: preserving which benefits [benefiting就可以了]human being in many corner[单复数不一致] of our civilization, ranging from jury evidence supplying to daily life recording. As the coin has two sides, written records still will hold its priority than any other methods in the future we can foresee for many of its irreplaceable advantages.[前面没有涉及坏的一面,后面也不打算专指缺陷, two sides比喻很勉强][而且出现在此处目的仅仅是为了说明written records的优点] [ Last edited by meizhou on 2006-7-9 at 20:07 ] |
4楼2006-07-09 20:02:06
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2楼2006-07-09 15:54:16
3楼2006-07-09 19:57:36
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二楼有拍的嫌疑 注意看方括号 7."The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records." 摄像机可以通过如此精确而有力的纪录手段来再现当代生活，因此它已经代替书面纪录成为一种更重要的纪录手段 记录手段：现代摄象和印刷术 Position: part agree Outline: 1. First paragraph: “the coin has two sides,” 2. Second paragraph: video recording’s merits. 3. Third paragraph: video recording compare to written recording 4. Forth paragraph: video recording’s disadvantages 5. Last paragraph： In sum With the development of technology and society [development修饰society不太恰当吧，progress of society], the emerging [这个词要斟酌] of video recording is becoming an important means of [of换成for如何] documenting contemporary: preserving which [这里的which是什么意思.是否应该为what?] benefits human being in many corner [corners] of our civilization, ranging from jury evidence supplying [providing？] to daily life recording. As the coin has two sides, written records still will [will still] hold its priority than any other methods in the future we can foresee for many of its irreplaceable advantages.[结尾句以video recording为主语来写这个part agree是不是能更加切题，同时又能与下段呼应呢？] For the purpose of documenting temporal [temporal这个词仿佛用的不对], comparing with conventional paper preserving way [method], video recording have [has] many merits. Nowadays, the video recording supplies every aspect to record a case. Through watching video files, people can understand what has happened before more clearly and can get message quickly. For example one may try to remember precious things during a course, but fail to reach perfect that human brains have their own physiological limit to recall the very details. With the video camera, however, one may avoid such assiduous cerebration. Any detail, which needed [which needed换成if needed或者when needed], can be easily got for it is all the same with [same as] what really happened. Another merits [merit] lies in its small volume that enables human more convenient to carry a large content of information to anther place. And the comparatively minor merit is its flexibility: All the vivid effects shown in televisions and cinemas [加一个are(due to这个短语不属于动词，前面应该加上系动词be或者别的什么可以作为谓语的东西)] all due to the elaborate treatment.[后面两个merit展开不够，无法令人信服] To imagine the modern world without such a dramatic machine, however, heavy and tedious work of documentation cannot be avoided; precious details may be lost in people's memory or mistakenly remembered to mislead others coming after. And people hardly can see lots of wonderful effects of animation or something alike such as entertainment with satisfaction. Therefore, people have been so indulged in the improvement brought by the video camera nowadays and its indispensability further ensures the overwhelming effects it has in contemporary world. [这段与上一段的意思基本一致，可写可不写] [开头之后两段建议：一段先写video的好处，二段如果写对比的话，最好写的明确、同时还要和第一段所表达的东西明确的分开。而这里的二段是一段的延续，并没有体现出层次感，二者的比较非常微弱] Nonetheless, being overwhelming does not imply its dominating role that everything of the similar effect in the past is to be [is to be换成should be] replaced. The video camera itself, of course, has some disadvantages to impede its further popularity. As far as we concerned, expressing the complex hold or view, communicating the different political stand, or persiflage the society tendency, written record, rather video camera, have [has] more merit. For example, Shakespeare's masterpiece Hamlet and King Lear, reveal the complex humanity. Mark Twain's novel afford us a sense of picture how 19 century Mirrious area would appeared through the eyes of 10 years olds boys. Dante's divinity comedy-Iliad and Odyssey---is considered as the puberty of dream. Thinking of [about] it, video camera just record the contemporary life without feeling [这句话说得根据性不强，不能很好的说服别人], agree or disagree, but the truth of the real world is that without standards and judgments, without feeling and emotion [这里的without feeling和but前面那个分句中的without feeling是否矛盾？], such complex emotion or singularity society tendency is hard to be reflected and the truth aim [true aim] of recording the contemporary life will be lost. The subtle feeling in routine life, the inside psychological motion, and things all belonging to the spiritual field, can never be recognized by a mechanical record of video cameras. The feelings of someone may be even more valuable records [recorded] than direct copy of the reality. All of these contribute to the fact that the written documentation is still kept long in spite of the emergence of more advanced technology. [例子不行，不能良好的支撑，尤其是但丁和莎翁的戏剧的例子，反倒是可以利用video来记录其表演然后传播其思想] In a nutshell, it is not realistic to realize that the new method such as video cameras is more important in documentary when comparing with written materials. Both of the video one and written one are of much use in our life, so we can decide when to use and which to use in the very conditions [结尾不用说两个to use，说一个就可以：so we can decide when and which one to use in the very conditions] [ Last edited by william98 on 2006-7-9 at 23:32 ] |
5楼2006-07-09 23:29:36
100