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william98

铁虫 (初入文坛)

[交流] 跟着斑竹写作文-Issue72

Issue72 One can best understand the most important characteristics of a society by studying its major cities.
了解一个社会主要特点的最好的方式就是研究它的主要城市

提纲(今天忙,木有应版主的建议写英文的,见谅):
1. 大城市是社会的中心,包括政治经济文化等方面
2. 但是一个社会的特点是复杂的,地域宗教等都影响了它的特点,因此只研究主要城市是不够的
3. 让步,也存在那种“简单的社会“,可以通过对主要城市的研究了解其主要特点

Society is like a magic cube—various colors compose this integrality, such as the economic situations and religions. Even the most important characteristics of the society are so complex that just study its major cities is only incomplete.

Considering some famous major cities, such as London of British and Beijing of China, they both represent the centre of the nation or sometimes even the world. Artists prefer to choose such cities, so no matter Beijing Opera or concerts of some famous foreign musicians, we can easily enjoy these rather than in other minor places; businessmen tend to set their companies here, so new products are always fast and services here are better than in other cities. It is undeniable that major cites mean more chance and more information for everyone, thus they mirror the society from an extant.

However, it is presumptuous to judge a society by just study such major cities. If we cast a look at the back at the evolution of a society, it is evident that there are many factors play significant role in the society—geography, regions, nationalities and so on—these factors interweave together to constitute such a magic cube: society. Just take China as an example, which possesses 9.6 million square kilometers of territory, 1.2 billion population and 53 nations, it is hard to understand it by just studying several major cities such as Beijing, Shanghai etc. The complicated condition of this country makes it difficult to do so. From its major cities, you absolutely can not imagine that this is actually an agricultural country, and the majority of its cities are not as prosperous as Beijing and Shanghai. What’s more, the unbalance development of its economic makes different part of the country maintain different characteristics: in the north and the middle, people rely on agriculture whereas people in the east and south earn their living more by business. And because of its multi-nationalities, even different parts have their unique religions. Such instances are innumerous in this complex country.

Truly there do exist some countries which are simple and its major cities totally represent its whole nations. Take Norway for example, which is typically a “balance” country in my opinion. Most cities are coastal cities so the international trading and transport here for nearly every city could be highly developed, and economic gaps are not as obvious within different cities as in some “unbalanced” countries like China. In addition, mono-nationality and religion causes few culture conflicts within this society. Its major cities, like  its capital Oslo could be a good sample for researchers to study the culture, architecture, politics to get a better understand of humanities characteristics of its society; meanwhile, Bergen, as the main commercial harbor city of Norway could also supply a clear picture.

Now it is obvious that arbitrarily take major cities as the epitome of a society is unilateral. Society—the magic cube is so colorful and complicated, we’d better study its characteristics by studying the whole situation of it and then give each of its aspect a conclusion.
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searover

金虫 (小有名气)

Issue72 One can best understand the most important characteristics of a society by studying its major cities.
了解一个社会主要特点的最好的方式就是研究它的主要城市

提纲(今天忙,木有应版主的建议写英文的,见谅):
1. 大城市是社会的中心,包括政治经济文化等方面
2. 但是一个社会的特点是复杂的,地域宗教等都影响了它的特点,因此只研究主要城市是不够的
3. 让步,也存在那种“简单的社会“,可以通过对主要城市的研究了解其主要特点

Society is like a magic cube—various colors compose this integrality, such as the economic situations and religions.<是否应是其复杂性?> Even the most important characteristics of the society are so complex that just study its major cities is only incomplete. <双谓语>

Considering some famous major cities, such as London of British and Beijing of China, they both represent the centre of the nation or sometimes even the world. Artists prefer to choose such cities, so no matter Beijing Opera or concerts of some famous foreign musicians, we can easily enjoy these rather than in other minor places; businessmen tend to set their companies here, so new products are always fast and services here are better than in other cities. It is undeniable that major cites mean more chance and more information for everyone, thus they mirror the society from an extant. <前文与此句因果逻辑关系不甚强烈,mirror句前应提到与前文相应的society的某些特点>

However, it is presumptuous to judge a society by just study such major cities. If we cast a look at the back at the evolution of a society, it is evident that there are many factors play significant role in the society—geography, regions, nationalities and so on—these factors interweave together to constitute such a magic cube: society. Just take China as an example, which possesses 9.6 million square kilometers of territory, 1.2 billion population and 53 nations, it is hard to understand it by just studying several major cities such as Beijing, Shanghai etc. The complicated condition of this country makes it difficult to do so. <与上句重复> From its major cities, you absolutely can not imagine that this is actually an agricultural country, and the majority of its cities are not as prosperous as Beijing and Shanghai. What’s more, the unbalance development of its economic<词性错误> makes different part of the country maintain different characteristics<双谓语>: in the north and the middle, people rely on agriculture whereas people in the east and south earn their living more by business. And because of its multi-nationalities, even different parts have their unique religions. Such instances are innumerous in this complex country. <略做小结以承接上下文较好>

Truly there do exist some<用a little让步效果会更好些> countries which are simple and its major cities totally represent its whole nations. Take Norway for example, which is typically a “balance” country in my opinion. Most cities are coastal cities so the international trading and transport here for nearly every city could be highly developed, and economic gaps are not as obvious within different cities as in some “unbalanced” countries like China. In addition, mono-nationality and religion causes few culture conflicts within this society. Its major cities, like  its capital Oslo could be a good sample for researchers to study the culture, architecture, politics to get a better understand of humanities characteristics of its society; meanwhile, Bergen, as the main commercial harbor city of Norway could also supply a clear picture.

Now it is obvious that arbitrarily take major cities as the epitome of a society is unilateral. Society—the magic cube is so colorful and complicated, we’d better study its characteristics by studying the whole situation of it and then give each of its aspect a conclusion. <结尾似乎应该对让步段作一下呼应,一句话既可>
3楼2006-07-07 20:17:21
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hummer

荣誉版主 (职业作家)

人美在羽毛,鸟美在心灵

优秀版主

Issue72 One can best understand the most important characteristics of a society by studying its major cities.
了解一个社会主要特点的最好的方式就是研究它的主要城市

提纲(今天忙,木有应版主的建议写英文的,见谅):POSITION: PARTAGREE
1. 大城市是社会的中心,包括政治经济文化等方面
2. 但是一个社会的特点是复杂的,地域宗教等都影响了它的特点,因此只研究主要城市是不够的
3. 让步,也存在那种“简单的社会“,可以通过对主要城市的研究了解其主要特点

Society is like a magic cube—various colors compose this integrality, such as the economic situations and religions. Even the most important characteristics of the society are so complex that just study its major cities is only incomplete.(整篇文章的position是part agree,而第一段的最后一句说的过于绝对,有点disagree的意味的,这样与后文照应上就会出现问题了)
Considering some famous major cities, such as London of British and Beijing of China, they both represent the centre of the nation or sometimes even the world. Artists prefer to choose such cities, so no matter Beijing Opera or concerts of some famous foreign musicians, we can easily enjoy these rather than in other minor places; businessmen tend to set their companies here, so new products are always fast and services here are better than in other cities. It is undeniable that major cites mean more chance and more information for everyone, thus they mirror the society from an extant.

However, it is presumptuous to judge a society by just study such major cities. If we cast a look at the back at the evolution of a society, it is evident that there are many factors play significant role in the society—geography, regions, nationalities and so on—these factors interweave together to constitute such a magic cube: society. Just take China as an example, which possesses 9.6 million square kilometers of territory, 1.2 billion population and 53 nations, it is hard to understand it by just studying several major cities such as Beijing, Shanghai etc. The complicated condition of this country makes it difficult to do so. From its major cities, you absolutely can not imagine that this is actually an agricultural country, and the majority of its cities are not as prosperous as Beijing and Shanghai. What’s more, the unbalance development of its economic makes different part of the country maintain different characteristics: in the north and the middle, people rely on agriculture whereas people in the east and south earn their living more by business. And because of its multi-nationalities, even different parts have their unique religions. Such instances are innumerous in this complex country.

Truly there do exist some countries, which are simple, and its major cities totally represent its whole nations. Take Norway for example, which is typically a “balance” country in my opinion. Most cities are coastal cities so the international trading and transport here for nearly every city could be highly developed, and economic gaps are not as obvious within different cities as in some “unbalanced” countries like China. In addition, mono-nationality and religion causes few culture conflicts within this society. Its major cities, like its capital Oslo could be a good sample for researchers to study the culture, architecture, politics to get a better understand of humanities characteristics of its society; meanwhile, Bergen, as the main commercial harbor city of Norway could also supply a clear picture.

Now it is obvious that arbitrarily take major cities, as the epitome of a society is unilateral. Society—the magic cube is so colorful and complicated, we’d better study its characteristics by studying the whole situation of it and then give each of its aspect a conclusion.
语言非常好,再需注意下开头和结尾的对应,5.5分以上的文章
星聚正在长漂亮的羽毛
2楼2006-07-07 09:58:21
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