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技术进步对人类影响类 高频第一题：考过103次 （现代技术之电视和读书） 38"In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books." 38．在电视机时代，阅读书籍已经没有原来那样重要了。人们从电视上学到的东西丝毫不比从书本中学来的少。 Outline: Position: part agree 1. Introduce the relationship between the television and book. 2. What can we get from a television? 3. Reading, especially reading with a book 4. Conclusion 字数：530 时间：40 min 正文： In modern society, although the pace of life is accelerating but I think it is still necessary for one to learn from books for television can never replace great books. So to say that people reads for information or for knowledge therefore we can learn as much by watching television instead of reading books is minimizing the importance of reading to an absurd extent. First of all, television is one of the most helpful and valuable inventions of the last century. Because the busy modern life no longer leaves people as much free time as before, therefore, since to get information from television can save much time than reading books, nowadays, people often consume more time on watching television than reading books in order to learn as much as possible in limited time. Television is becoming more and more popular and also plays a more and more important part in our daily living, because it enables us to know news at the first time, to see famous public figures every day, to know the world without going outside, to learn the newest fashion and to get enough information of certain products. On the other hand, the popularity of television can't take the place of books. Although they are both media, but these two kinds of means also have their own characteristics and functions and they can't substitute each other. Second, Books have a longer history than television. Book’s knowledge and information are more concrete and specific. Reading books will be more efficient and more convenient than watching TV in some condition. For instance, we can read books in a remote countryside where the television signal cannot reach. In addition, we can read and review books at any moment if we like, while we have to wait for the programs that perform only at fixed time and if we miss it we may have no chance to obtain them. And you cannot watch TV everywhere as you would like to do. But you can read at any time anywhere. Meanwhile, publishing books is much more economical than making programs; this point is important for developing countries. At last, books are easier to be preserved than television programs, thus books can help us to descend our knowledge and civilization. Furthermore, as someone said:"Turn off the TV and read great books. They open doors in your brain." Because books never provide pictures except comic strips, but leave us enough space to imagine, to create vision in our brain. They are wealth of the human beings, and whenever we read them, we always get a new view of them. As time changes by, great books never lose their space on the stage of history. In conclusion, both books and the television can be and should be used to acquire information and knowledge. We should realize that each of reading books and watching TV has its own advantage as a way of learning. Though learning through the television is very popular now, it cannot replace reading books completely. Since we want to learn more knowledge in current society, we should make the best use of our books and meanwhile utilize the television as an auxiliary. |
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38"In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books." 38．在电视机时代，阅读书籍已经没有原来那样重要了。人们从电视上学到的东西丝毫不比从书本中学来的少。 Outline: Position: part agree 1. Introduce the relationship between the television and book. 2. What can we get from a television? 3. Reading, especially reading with a book 4. Conclusion 字数：530 时间：40 min 正文： In modern society, although the pace of life is accelerating but<  > I think it is still necessary for one to learn from books for television can never replace great booksFirst of all, television is one of the most helpful and valuable inventions of the last century. <与首段态度相反，段落间逻辑论证的次序安排不好>Because the busy modern life no longer leaves people as much free time as before, therefore, since to get information from television can save much time than reading books, nowadays, people often consume more time on watching television than reading books in order to learn as much as possible in limited time.<与上句句意重复> Television is becoming more and more popular and also plays a more and more important part in our daily living, because it enables us to know news at the first time, to see famous public figures every day, to know the world without going outside, to learn the newest fashion and to get enough information of certain products. <三个足矣，否则由罗嗦的感觉> On the other hand, the popularity of television can't take the place of books.<需要逻辑论证。仅逻辑判断是不够的> Although they are both media, but these two kinds of means also have their own characteristics and functions and they can't substitute each other. <没有展开，own characteristics是什么？><本段没有找到主题句或者主题句不明确，慎> Second, Books have a longer history than television.<描述事实的句子而已，若作为主题句需要扩充> Book’s knowledge and information are more concrete and specific. Reading books will be more efficient and more convenient than watching TV in some condition. For instance, we can read books in a remote countryside where the television signal cannot reach. In addition, we can read and review books at any moment if we like, while we have to wait for the programs that perform only at fixed time and if we miss it we may have no chance to obtain them. And you cannot watch TV everywhere as you would like to do. But you can read at any time anywhere.<此处举例子，连词的使用不过完美，使得逻辑显得混乱，可试试william98常用的排比句写法> Meanwhile, publishing books is much more economical than making programs; this point is important for developing countries. At last, books are easier to be preserved than television programs, thus books can help us to descend our knowledge and civilization. Furthermore, as someone said:"Turn off the TV and read great books. They open doors in your brain." Because books never provide pictures except comic strips, but leave us enough space to imagine, to create vision in our brain. They are wealth of the human beings, and whenever we read them, we always get a new view of them. As time changes by, great books never lose their space on the stage of history.<逻辑论证单一，对立面一句没提到。至少擦擦边鼓吧。><此外没有找到主题句> In conclusion, both books and the television can be and should be used to acquire information and knowledge. <此句逻辑有问题acquire information and knowledge的应该是人而非books and the television> We should realize that each of reading books and watching TV has its own advantage as a way of learning. Though learning through the television is very popular now, it cannot replace reading books completely. Since we want to learn more knowledge in current society, we should make the best use of our books and meanwhile utilize the television as an auxiliary.<末段复述全文观点有点罗嗦，要简练些。有些重复的意思最好能合并为一句。> <与你的建议相反，我建议你写中文提纲，方便你把全文逻辑论证的顺序捋捋顺畅。提纲中对主题句要仔细琢磨，不可草率从事。 语言的雕琢还有很大余地，一起努力吧 > |
4楼2006-07-07 21:19:16
william98
铁虫 (初入文坛)
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- 专业: inorganic chemistry
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
hummer(金币+5):多谢悉心指导
hummer(金币+5):多谢悉心指导
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hummer写作文－－ＩＳＳＵＥ３８ 技术进步对人类影响类 高频第一题：考过103次 （现代技术之电视和读书） 38"In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books." 38．在电视机时代，阅读书籍已经没有原来那样重要了。人们从电视上学到的东西丝毫不比从书本中学来的少。 Outline: Position: part agree 1. Introduce the relationship between the television and book. 2. What can we get from a television? 3. Reading, especially reading with a book 4. Conclusion 字数：530 时间：40 min 正文： In modern society, although the pace of life is accelerating but [although…but…的句子不建议出现] I think it is still necessary for one to learn from books [,] for television can never replace great books. So to say that people reads [read] for information or for knowledge therefore we can learn as much by watching television instead of reading books is minimizing the importance of reading to an absurd extent. First of all, television is one of the most helpful and valuable inventions of the last century. [Because the busy modern life no longer leaves people as much free time as before, therefore, since to get information from television can save much time than reading books, nowadays, people often consume more time on watching television than reading books in order to learn as much as possible in limited time.] [这句要表达的意思容易理解，但是叙述得太复杂，建议简化] Television is becoming more and more popular and also plays a more and more important part in our daily living, because it enables us to know news at the first time, to see famous public figures every day, to know the world without going outside, to learn the newest fashion and to get enough information of certain products. On the other hand, the popularity of television can't take the place of books. Although they are both media, but [although…but…的句子不建议出现] these two kinds of means [means是否为media] also have their own characteristics and functions and they can't substitute each other. [第一段感觉说的东西绕来绕去，都是一个意思，没有铺开说，建议加上事例予以说明] Second, Books have a longer history than television. Book’s knowledge and information are more concrete and specific. Reading books will be more efficient and more convenient than watching TV in some condition. For instance, we can read books in a remote countryside where the television signal cannot reach. In addition, we can read and review books at any moment if we like, while we have to wait for the programs that perform only at [a] fixed time and if we miss it we may have no chance to obtain them [obtain them 不太好，改一下用别的词]. And you cannot watch TV everywhere as you would like to do. But you can read at any time anywhere. [这两句表达的意思和前面重复，罗圈话嫌疑] Meanwhile, publishing books is much more economical than making programs; this point is important for developing countries. [经济上便宜，这句话无法得到支持] At last, books are easier to be preserved than television programs, thus books can help us to descend our knowledge and civilization. [这句也同样无法得到支持] 本段思维比较混乱，关键原因在于没有一个较好的主题句支撑，从而使得作者的思维飘忽不定。同时本段的几个观点无法得到事实的支持，因此建议后面两个观点去掉，主攻前一个 同时本段所说的观点，可以和前一段写到一起。建议重新弄一下 Furthermore, as someone said: "Turn off the TV and read great books. They open doors in your brain." Because books never provide pictures except comic strips, but leave us enough space to imagine, to create vision in our brain. They are wealth of the human beings, and whenever we read them, we always get a new view of them. As time changes by, great books never lose their space on the stage of history. 本段第一句没有突出本段的中心，那个例子不如放到段中来作为支撑。第二句只说了看书的遐想空间，建议和电视的缺点比较一下，找个例子支撑一下会比较好。 In conclusion, both books and the television can be and should be used to acquire information and knowledge. We should realize that each of reading books and watching TV has its own advantage as a way of learning. Though learning through the television is very popular now, it cannot replace reading books completely. Since we want to learn more knowledge in current society, we should make the best use of our books and meanwhile utilize the television as an auxiliary. 建议hummer：如果还有很长时间，先不要卡时间写。写的时间稍微长一点，可以把思路拓展好，同时还可以自己酝酿一下好词好句好事例等等，等到考前集中训练的时候再进行卡时间的写，这样思路拓展开了就好办了 |
2楼2006-07-05 23:28:25
lisa416
金虫 (著名写手)
文字的媒婆
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- 性别: MM
- 专业: 应用语言学
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
hummer(金币+5):thank you
hummer(金币+5):thank you
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Because the busy modern life no longer leaves people as much free time as before, therefore, since to get information from television can save much time than reading books, nowadays, people often consume more time on watching television than reading books in order to learn as much as possible in limited time. Because therefore,since 连词重复罗嗦 改成下面的句子如何？  In such a busy modern world, people prefer getting information from watching TV to reading books because the former can save much more time than the latter does Book’s knowledge and information are more concrete and specific. 改成knowledge and information contained in books are ...如何 Because books never provide pictures except comic strips, but leave us enough space to imagine, to create vision in our brain.非完整句子 建议Because不要总用在句首，用在句中前面也不要加逗号 Television is becoming more and more popular and also plays a more and more important part in our daily living, because it enables us to know news at the first time, to see famous public figures every day, to know the world without going outside, to learn the newest fashion and to get enough information of certain products. 两个more and more略显重复 Television is getting increasingly important in our daily life because it enables us to receive news in time... 对GRE作文不太熟悉 不知所改是否正确 仅供参考呵呵  |
3楼2006-07-06 09:31:52
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
hummer(金币+5):good
hummer(金币+5):good
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文章总体结构还有待改善。也许你可以第一段引述，并表明作者部分赞成的观点。个人觉得应该在words和figures(or pictures)两者之间的特点展开行文。当然，书籍可以突破时空限制是电视无法比拟的也算是一个论点。 在二楼的基础上个别words改动如下：以（）示 In modern society, although the pace of life is accelerating but [although…but…的句子不建议出现] I think it is still necessary for one to learn from books [,] for（后面是完整句子，应该是because吧） television can never replace great books. So to say that people reads（TV不能read，建议还是用get比较好）for information or for knowledge therefore we can learn as much by watching television instead of reading books is minimizing the importance of reading to an absurd extent. First of all, television is one of the most helpful and valuable inventions of the last century. [Because the busy modern life no longer leaves people as much free time as before, therefore, since to get information from television can save much time than reading books, nowadays, people often consume （还是spend...on比较符合英语习惯）more time on watching television than reading books in order to learn as much as possible in limited time.] [这句要表达的意思容易理解，但是叙述得太复杂，建议简化] Television is becoming more and more popular and also plays a more and more important part in our daily living（日常生活，这里是life而不是living，可以用everyday life）, because it enables us to know news at the first time, to see famous public figures every day, to know the world without going outside, to learn the newest fashion and to get enough information of certain products. On the other hand, the popularity of television can't take the place of books. Although they are both media（复数应该为medium）, but [although…but…的句子不建议出现] these two kinds of means [means是否为media] （复数应该为medium）also have their own characteristics and functions and they can't substitute each other. [第一段感觉说的东西绕来绕去，都是一个意思，没有铺开说，建议加上事例予以说明]（比较赞成改动者观点） Second, Books have a longer history than television. Book’s knowledge and information are more concrete and specific.（同时，这句话也不容易占得住脚） Reading books will be more efficient and more convenient than watching TV in some condition. For instance, we can read books in a remote countryside where the television signal cannot reach. In addition, we can read and review books at any moment if we like, while we have to wait for the programs that perform only at [a] fixed time and if we miss it （前面用了the programs ，这里应该是them）we may have no chance to obtain them [obtain them 不太好，改一下用别的词]. And you cannot watch TV everywhere as you would like to do. But you can read at any time anywhere. [这两句表达的意思和前面重复，罗圈话嫌疑] Meanwhile, publishing books is much more economical than making programs; this point is important for developing countries. [经济上便宜，这句话无法得到支持] At last, books are easier to be preserved than television programs, thus books can help us to descend our knowledge and civilization. [这句也同样无法得到支持] 本段思维比较混乱，关键原因在于没有一个较好的主题句支撑，从而使得作者的思维飘忽不定。同时本段的几个观点无法得到事实的支持，因此建议后面两个观点去掉，主攻前一个 同时本段所说的观点，可以和前一段写到一起。建议重新弄一下 Furthermore, as someone said: "Turn off the TV and read great books. They open doors in your brain." Because books never provide pictures except comic strips, but leave us enough space to imagine, to create vision in our brain. They are wealth of the human beings, and whenever we read them, we always get a new view of them. As time changes by, great books never lose their space on the stage of history. 本段第一句没有突出本段的中心，那个例子不如放到段中来作为支撑。第二句只说了看书的遐想空间，建议和电视的缺点比较一下，找个例子支撑一下会比较好。 In conclusion, both books and the television can be and should be used to acquire information and knowledge. We should realize that each of reading books and watching TV has its own advantage as a way of learning. Though learning through the television is very popular now, it cannot replace reading books completely. Since we want to learn more knowledge in current society, we should make the best use of our books and meanwhile utilize the television as an auxiliary.（作为总结，as an auxiliary本人不太赞同） |
5楼2006-07-09 17:19:07
