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小木虫论坛-学术科研互动平台 » 出国留学区 » 出国考试 » IBT考试 » 【咨询】第三篇toefl作文，欢迎大家点评。
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keyares

铁杆木虫 (著名写手)

[交流] 【咨询】第三篇toefl作文，欢迎大家点评。

作文题目：Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with a group of students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Several days ago, when my classmates and I were preparing the test of IBT, I found the truth that different ones did make different choices between studying alone and studying together. Those students who tend to study by themselves suppose independence and the circumstance free of interruption is the key point to improve the efficiency of study. Remarkable though the advantages are, I believe, they can not compete with the benefits which are obtained from reciprocal help and encouragement in a study group, when we consider the difficulty of subjects we study.

First of all, never do I reckon knowledge is easy to gain, and the advantage of teamwork to surmount handicaps is apparent. Therefore I prefer to dealing with issues of study with others. When I was a freshman, mathematic was a deadly weak point of me and then I took part in a mathematic group in my university. Discussions of elusive subjects as well as the merits of each other were helpful for me to comprehend those mathematic principles and refine my learning method. Eventually, not only did I pass the final exam, but also got an award in a mathematic compete. It would be incredible if I did without mutual help.

Moreover, the mental incentives from the other ones is a crucial aspect for a person to be succeed, and naturally the success in study is not a exception. For instance, when someones encounter some setbacks in study such as failure in routine tests and lack of time to carry on, and hesitate over the choice between holding on or giving up their subject, their classmates with them will probably encourage them to recover self-confidence and give them some constructive advice.

Admittedly, striving for knowledge alone means less bother from surrounding and more opportunity to form independent attitude. There are also a lot of examples of great persons that they achieve goals of lives just by self-study such as Abraham Lincoln. However, people like Lincoln are the minority of society, and it is obviously difficult to copy his achievement by common people just like us. And what is more, I deem Lincoln would initiate his political career without many setbacks resulted from lack of education, if he had more chances to study with others.

As far as I know, a increasing number of students are aware of that the advantages of group study overweight those of study alone and choose to join some interest groups for mutual aid in study. Coincident with the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that students should study together with classmates.

[ Last edited by keyares on 2010-11-20 at 16:30 ]
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1楼 2010-11-19 15:50:26
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lht413

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keyares(金币+125): 2010-11-20 15:25:11
既傻又憨:有兴趣的话可以申请一下版主或者专家顾问！ 2010-11-21 05:52:42
作文题目：Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with a group of students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Several days ago, when I and my classmates(印象中my classmates and I 比较合理) were preparing the test of IBT, I found the truth that different ones did make different choices between studying alone and studying together. These students who tend to studying(study) by themselves suppose independence and the circumstance free of interruption is the key point to improve the efficiency of study. Remarkable though the advantages are, I believe, they can not compete with the benefits that I and my partners（同上） can obtain reciprocal help and encouragement from each other, when we consider the difficulty of subjects we study（可以用considering。。。状语）.
第一段长进很大，不多说了，基本就这个套路。

First of all, never do I reckon knowledge is easy to gain, and therefore I prefer to dealing with issues of study with others.（注意逻辑连贯性。你的：因为knowledge难，所以我喜欢with others。老美会觉得匪夷所思的。 为啥不是： 因为teamwork让knowledge变得更容易，所以我喜欢teamwork。这样看起来direct多了。） The advantage of teamwork to surmount handicaps is apparent. When I was a freshman, mathematic was a deadly weak point of me and then I took part in a mathematic group in my university. Discussions of elusive subjects as well as the merits of each other were helpful for me to comprehend those mathematic principles and refine my learning method. Eventually, not only did I pass the final exam, but also got an award in a mathematic compete（competition）.
这段例子其实不够具体。你可以说你们遇到什么难题，怎么解决的，然后说这就是group study的好处，这样更好些。控制在两三个长句子里。之后来一句总结。
Moreover, the mental incentives from the other ones is（are） a crucial aspect for a person to be succeed, and naturally the success in study is not a exception. For instance, when someones（someone没有复数的，这词） encounter some setbacks in study such as failure in routine tests and lack of time to carry on, and hesitate over the choice between holding on or giving up their subject, their classmates studying with them will probably encourage them to recover（用regain怎样）self-confidence and give them some constructive advice.  
这段给我的第一感觉是，你的思维不够发散。

Admittedly, striving for knowledge alone means less bother from surrounding and more opportunity to form independent attitude. There are a lot of examples that people achieve their goals of life just by self-study such as Abraham Lincoln. However, the person（persons主谓一致） like Lincoln are the minority of society, and it is obviously difficult to copy his achievement by common people just like us. And what is more, I deem Lincoln could do his job more successfully, if he had more chances to study with others.
你这段啊，力度不够强。确实，存在这样的例子，并且你认为Lincoln如果study with others会more successful。证据呢？具体支撑点呢?~~~~~~~ 为啥不排山倒海得说说study alone 的缺点和with group的优点呢?
比如：
虽然，study alone 也有成功的例子。如林肯
但是，我觉得林肯如果study with others会更加成功。（你的说到这里就完了，对吧）
考虑到，study alone 会陷入思想片面化，不能及时接受别人好的观点，没有别人的鼓舞，没有别人的评价。
而group study的好处就多了去了，大家可以及时讨论以最快最有效方式解决问题。并且有psychological incentive。各种各种，自己去想。。。
所以，我觉得还是group study 好！~~~
As far as I know, there are a（an） increasing number of students who choose to join some interest group for mutual aid in study. Coincident with the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that students should study together with classmates.

结尾，也许按我上次说的那种方法会显得思维全面些吧，也可以给你考场节省很多时间
当然，你务必要形成一个属于自己的写作习惯。考场里就是争分夺秒的战役啊，我记得我当时居然敲了532个字，没来的及检查。平时检查也检查不出什么名堂，所以。。。吼吼。，。。平时也要练一练检查，放到文本文档里看吧。

这篇文章已经很不错啦，你真的很厉害，就三篇练到这个程度了，加油吧，前途大好~~~ 吼吼~~~
细节有待雕琢，逻辑有待加强，表达有待更清楚明了，有些句子可能可以复杂化反而让老外觉得很费解的。
O(∩_∩)O~ 加油~
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9楼2010-11-20 13:25:33
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devotionzc

金虫 (小有名气)
keyares(金币+5):呵呵，这个问题不大，在口语里面介绍他人的时候注意的比较多。 2010-11-19 21:24:39
……第一句， I and my classmates 似乎应该后说自己……就看了一句……继续看，占沙发……
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2楼2010-11-19 20:32:33
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devotionzc

金虫 (小有名气)
keyares(金币+20):thanks！ 2010-11-19 23:02:52
版主真大方啊，一下给我5个金币！！！

There are a lot of examples that people achieve their goals of life As far as I know, there are an increasing number of student

整体论点不错啊，用词什么的也还好，不过我英语也一般，找个英语好的改改当范文应该没问题，最后结尾段多一点就好了……
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3楼2010-11-19 21:59:57
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devotionzc

金虫 (小有名气)
还有些单复数什么的，不过那些指出来意义不大，还是让强人改吧,嘿嘿，加油加油
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4楼2010-11-19 22:03:18
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