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Reading your post I could see in front of me a very confused soul. It appears you do not think you are good enough for the job and yet you are too passive at work. Is it so that you somewhat had to do this job, which you neither had motivation for doing it well, nor felt you were capable of doing it? If this is the case, it seems we have a contradiction: if you were keen about the job, you'd be motivated to work actively and hard and even if you do not feel you are competent enough, you'd do your best to improve yourself, right? Else if you were not keen on this job, why did you take it at all? I know I am in no way in the position to give advice, but perhaps you need to rethink of the job - if it is worthwhile for you, do it well and do your best; if not, find something else for a change.
You mentioned a big decision that seems to balance your friends+mother against your job+bf and has been torturing you. It would not be proper for me to give any specific advice but I wish to mention just a few things:
1. You may have new friends - old friends who may drop off due to your decision (assuming it well meant) are probably not truly good friends anyway
2. You may have other jobs - no one will hang himself/herself on on the very one tree
3. You may likely have more boyfriends - again if your current one indeed loves you, he should support your decision (as long as it does not hurt your relationship so much that it risks to break)
4. You have only one mother - if your mother meant well and it is not principle wrong, listen to her and even if she may not be right, do not put her on the other side of your bf
Yes what I write may sound too comfortable for me and too hard for you, but do have a VERY BIG perspective of your life. Do not get your eyes mudded by the things in front of you, look beyond horizon. Remember when you learnt to ride on a bicycle, if you try to look just in front of you, you will fall/wobble but once you look afar you will ride straight and steady.
All the best |
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