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小木虫论坛-学术科研互动平台 » 科研生活区 » English Cafe » 【Leisure chat】my spare time 帮忙检查检查，谢谢
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class77

木虫 (著名写手)
丝侬(金币+2):谢谢 2010-05-06 12:27:28
In my spare time, I enjoy watching cartoons, such as, Ratatouille, the Princess and the Frog presented by The Walt Disney Company. And in the film Sleeping Beauty, the Princess Aurora holds that if one sticks to his dream, it will become a reality one day.

By watching cartoons, I managed to keep a unsophisticated  character and maintain my childlike innocence. Moreover, cartoons helps me recall my childhood memory .

In some cartoons, especially in the Sleeping Beauty, I learned to understand the truth that if you stick to your dream, it will come true one day. I have a dream, a brilliant one, which sometimes excites me a lot. And I know that if I don't spend much time on my dream, it will wither and fall just like a flash in the pan. If I stick to  my dream and make great efforts accordingly, it will certainly come true sooner or later.

[ Last edited by class77 on 2010-5-6 at 12:22 ]
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11楼2010-05-06 12:20:57
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xia_chong

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丝侬(金币+5):555555555,my english…… 2010-05-06 12:57:04
In my spare time,I enjoy watching cartoons.Such as,Ratatouille,The Princess and the Frog which played by The Walt Disney Company.
which played要以改为which were played或者直接就是played并去年逗句。
另外，such as要紧接前面的cartoon，它不是一个独立的句子。再另外，play这个词我不知道专业不专业，感觉挺汉化的，你查查！

And in the filmSleeping Beauty, ,the Princess Aurora hold that if one sticks to his dream,and one day it will become a reality.
中间多了一个逗句，而且中文英文符号不一致。hold要么是holds，要么是held。

    By watching cartoons,I could keep a unsophisticated  character and maintain a childlike innocence.Moreover ,cartoon recalls my childhood memory .
a为什么不是an呢？childlike innocence我不知道用得对不对，像小孩子一样的无辜？
my childhood memory 不如the momory about my childhood.

    In some cartoons,especially in the Sleeping Beauty,I learned one  truth that stick to your dream,and ond day it will come true.
stick to 要加东西，没见一个动词可以开头的句子哦，或者改为as long as you stick to ...或者sticking to ur dream,去掉后面的, and.

I have a dream,a brilliant one,which sometimes made me excited.
时态不一致。一个梦想应该会让很多时间excited吧，怎么是有时呢？

But I really konw if I don't spend much time on my dream ,throw all of my energies into  it，
两个动词，两个句子，中间得有连词，throw 前面加一个or吧，know后面最好加个that，后面一个大大大的从句，要一个that好些。

it will wither and fall just like a flash in the pan.Insisting on my dream and making great efforts, it will come true.
这里有个问题，举个例子，Taking exercise every day, Tom becomes strong.像这个句子，前面的take exercise是Tom的动作，所以这里面的your dream不会insist on，只有你会insist on。不如把最后一句改为I will surely make my dream come true.


PS：前面跟楼主提到一些错误，楼主没有完全改过来呀，小伤心一下！
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Godhelpsthosewhohelpthemselves!
12楼2010-05-06 12:35:54
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