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【原创】CS类文书写作的那些典型误区
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提示:文章皆为原创, 我已加入“维权骑士”的版权保护计划,版权所有,未经作者允许禁止转载,违者必究。
我们的初衷是为半DIY的学弟学妹展示优劣文书的差别及其对最终申请造成的巨大影响。
然而案例却频繁被一些团队盗用。
为保护我们的知识产权,从本期开始,只点评原文,不再展示修改后实例。
↓↓申请英国CS类硕士SOP原文节选 ↓↓
During my four-year undergraduate study, I have always put study as my priority.
第一句用词及句型都属于baby language;
为无效语句,这种junk statement在文书修改中属于必删内容。
Although I find it a little challenged to gain a full understanding of the courses at first since it was a completely new domain for me to learn. But I still hold the belief that as long as we want it enough, we can definitely work it out.
存在明显的语法错误及baby language;
属于典型的“只要我XX,就能XX”的flag,注意reviewer非常不喜欢这种立flag的语句,会认为你在浪费他们的阅读时间。如果在陈述的开始几句或几段都是这种内容,会造成他们极差的阅读体验。
I still remember vividly that the first time I came across the C language programming, I couldn’t figure out how the whole program was written out. Thus, I came to search every possible area which were related to this. I bought reference books like the fundamental programming skills and the grammarrules of C. I\'ve devoted plenty of time to do the preview and review of the core courses.
作者希望证明自己解决问题的能力,但所举例子只展现自己的reading ability,此能力是属于谁都可以具有的,无法体现自己的特殊性;
没有说明自己如何解决具体的某一个问题,切忌笼统的“我学习了,我提高了,我很开心”这类的表述。
Within several class, I managed to develop a simple calculating system all by myself when the others were still trying to master the basic law of the C program.
没有说明如何开发,开发的成果如何利于自己或者团队,造成什么影响;
切忌与他人进行比较,reviewer非常反感的一点。
Besides, I’m kind of a perfectionist.
这种自立flag的语句应直接删除。
It was in the Internet technology and application class, our teacher made an assignment of making a piece of film about life experiences.
非常奇怪且不可取的句型,reviewer更喜欢straight forward的表达。
A bunch of my classmates choose to make a perfunctory effort because of the limited time. While I decided since we have to complete it, why not do our best? So I spend a whole day sitting in front of my laptop to make a delicate animation.
又是与他人比较凸显自己的能力,要不得;
反问式语句要不得;
最后一句仍然存在无法显示自己能力的问题,这种hard-working是谁都可以具有的;
本文中没有一个实例可以证明自身独特能力。 |
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