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The transition to adulthood can be either clear or diffuse, depending on whether a culture chooses to offer all the privileges and responsibilities at one distinct age or spread them across time. In some countries, the ability to vote, drink, enter into legal contracts and serve in the military all occur at once. In the United States, these rights are not only spread out, but often without clear rationale. Serving in the military before one is considered responsible enough to purchase alcohol is one of the glaring inconsistencies. Some cultures also mark the transition formally, as in Japan, where “Coming of Age Day” (Seijin Shiki) is a national holiday to celebrate all who reached adulthood in the current year.
Becoming an adult is also a subjective experience, of course, and there is little doubt from recent research that individuals are taking longer to recognize themselves as adults. The age of first marriage and birth of a first child, often perceived by individuals as adult markers, are now occurring later than at any time in history in the U.S. (and greater numbers of individuals are also choosing to forge lives without either of these traditional markers). With increased numbers of individuals attending college and with the tremendous rise in the cost of education and the loans necessary for many, young people are also remaining dependent on parents financially far longer, often leaving them less likely to perceive themselves as adults.
Another psychological aspect of being an adult is feeling autonomous, and individuals whose autonomy is supported — at any age — are more personally motivated. As a college professor who studies adolescents and emerging adults, I am particularly concerned that college students are not getting the opportunities they need to grow into autonomous, healthily connected adults when parents are still hyper-involved in their lives. “Emerging adults” – whom Jeffrey Arnett defines as individuals between 18 and 25 – need opportunities to make their own choices, whether that’s about their major, what courses to take, their social lives or summer plans, and they need practice in making mistakes and recovering, and in owning the outcomes of their choices. They don’t arrive in college fully formed as adults, but we hope they will use these years to make significant progress toward adult behavior, with all the support and safety nets that college can offer.
Yet my research with Abigail Sullivan Moore, reported in our book, shows that many college students are in frequent contact with their parents — nearly twice daily, on average — and that frequency of contact is related to lower autonomy. Parents who are using technology (calls, Skype, texting, e-mail, Facebook, etc.) to micromanage lives from afar may be thwarting the timely passage to adulthood. Not surprisingly, these college students are also not likely to see themselves as adults, nor fully prepared to take the responsibilities of their actions, nor even getting the benefits of college that they and their parents are paying for. One in five students in our study report parents are editing and proofing their papers, for example. College parents can help with the transition by serving as a sounding board rather than being directive, by steering their college-age kids to campus resources for help, by considering long-range goals rather than short-term ones and by giving their “kids” space to grow up. |
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