Writing in the Sciences之三：Write with verbs
Writing in the Sciences之三：Write with verbs
各位虫友，大家好！这是专业英语版推出的新活动——Writing in the Sciences。每周推出一期。所有资料都来自斯坦福大学论文写作指导公开课。每期活动都是对课程中一个单元内容的精华提要，并给出对应的练习，并且任意尝试一句或参与讨论都有奖励哦~~~~欢迎大家收听~~~
[box=beige] Steps to becoming a better writer:
1. Read, pay attention, and imitate.
2. Write in a journal.
3. Let go of “academic” writing habits (deprogramming step!)
4. Talk about your research before trying to write about it.
5. Write to engage your readers—try not to bore them!
6. Stop waiting for “inspiration.”
7. Accept that writing is hard for everyone.
8. Revise. Nobody gets it perfect on the first try.
9. Learn how to cut ruthlessly. Never become too attached to your words.
10. Find a good editor!
11. Take risks.
活动说明：每期活动都会带给大家一些专业英语写作方面的建议。最后列出与本期内容相关的若干专业英语句子，请各位虫友依据每个单元的要求对句子进行修改，将结果跟帖给出~LZ会根据参考答案为大家评分，给予BB奖励~欢迎大家积极参加~~
Unit 3. Write with verbs
上期活动说的是主动语态，本期讨论的就是动词了。你是否习惯把所有动词都转化为名词用于科技文中？这里将给你另一个视角。PS：这期练习有点难……
Write with verbs
use strong verbs
avoid turning verbs into nouns
don’t bury the main verb
I. USE STRONG VERBS
比较：1. Loud music came from speakers embedded in the walls, and the entire arena moved as the hungry crowd got to its feet.
VS
Loud music exploded from speakers embedded in the walls, and the entire arena shook as the hungry crowd leaped to its feet.
2. The WHO reports that approximately two-thirds of the world’s diabetics are found in developing countries, and estimates that the number of diabetics in these countries will double in the next 25 year.
VS
The WHO estimates that two-thirds of the world’s diabetics are found in developing countries, and projects that the number of diabetics in these countries will double in the next 25 years.
II. DON’T TURN VERBS INTO NOUNS
Obtain estimates of → estimate
Has seen an expansion in → has expanded
Provides a methodologic emphasis → emphasize methodology
Take an assessment of → assess
Provide a review of → review
Offer confirmation of → confirm
Make a decision → decide
Shows a peak → peaks
Provide a description of → describe
III. DON’T BURY THE MAIN VERB
比较：One study of 930 adults with multiple sclerosis (MS) receiving care in one of two managed care settings or in a fee-for-service setting found that only two-thirds of those needing to contact a neurologist for an MS- related problem in the prior 6 months had done so (Vickrey et al 1999).
VS
One study found that, of 930 adults with multiple sclerosis (MS) who were receiving care in one of two managed care settings or in a fee-for-service setting, only two-thirds of those needing to contact a neurologist for an MS-related problem in the prior six months had done so (Vickrey et al 1999).
下面是练习，期待虫子们的参加（参考答案下期公布）~PS：本期练习有点难……
1. The fear expressed by some teachers that students would not learn statistics well if they were permitted to use canned computer programs has not been realized in our experience.
2. Important studies to examine the descriptive epidemiology of autism, including the prevalence and changes in the characteristics of the population over time, have begun.
3. Review of each center’s progress in recruitment is important to ensure that the cost involved in maintaining each center’s participation is worthwhile.
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公布上期参考答案~~~~
1. A recommendation was made by the DSMB committee that the study be halted.
改：The DSMB committee recommended that the study be halted.
2. It was concluded by the editors that the data had been falsified by the authors.
改：The editors concluded that the authors falsified their data.
3. Therefore, the hypothesis that the overall kinetics of a double transtibial amputee athlete and an able-bodied sprinter at the same level of performance are not different was rejected.
改：Therefore, we rejected the hypothesis that the overall kinetics of a double transtibial amputee athlete and an able-bodied sprinter at the same level of performance are comparable.
多谢多谢！辛苦了！
1. The fear expressed by some teachers that students would not learn statistics well if they were permitted to use canned computer programs has not been realized in our experience.
revised: Our experience has not realized some teachers‘ fear that students would not learn statistics well if they were permitted to use canned computer programs。
*或许可以从另外两个个角度去看：1）主动语态相对比被动语态要积极一点；2）主句的主语和谓语之间隔了太多的信息，影响阅读。
2. Important studies to examine the descriptive epidemiology of autism, including the prevalence and changes in the characteristics of the population over time, have begun.
Revised: We have begun important studies to examine the descriptive epidemiology of autism, including the prevalence and changes in the characteristics of the population over time.
*We have begun important studies to examine 也或许可以说成是We have begun to examine。谁的研究不是重要的呢？想起有的期刊要求标题不许出现important,innovative等空洞的形容词。
3. Review of each center’s progress in recruitment is important to ensure that the cost involved in maintaining each center’s participation is worthwhile.
Revised: It is important to review each center’s progress in recruitment to ensure worthwhile cost involved in maintaining each center’s participation.
*另外我把最后ensure后的从句改成短语了，不知道语法上有无错误。。。，
第一句，课程中给的修改意见是主语过长；否定词not换掉比较好；还有就是有不必要的词。
第二句，主干其实还是studies have begun，修改意见说的是整个句子的中心动词被埋没了；important是空洞的形容词；有不必要的词；of the population的表达含糊。
第三句，修改意见说的是主语过长；中心动词被埋没；important worthwhile是空洞形容词。